How do I stop being so intense?

I take everything to heart. I get upset so deeply and it's unhealthy I know. When someone is upset with me over something that is trivial, I take it deeply to heart and feel very guilty. When someone hurts me, I feel so much hurt.

I see people around me taking things lightly and I wish I could do the same. Any techniques or valuable advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes this is linked to self esteem or low self esteem to be exact. Their are techniques to improve this. Often your own self is blowing everything out of proportion. Firstly remind yourself that everything is not about you, people are usually more concerned with themselves than anyone else! Secondly acknowledge that you cannot please everyone, accept this (flaws and all) and you will worry less about what people say about you. And thirdly stop predicting or mind reading what people say/think (this is common in low self esteem). If somebody is upset over something trivial write down what they are upset about, what evidence/reason do they have to be so and what evidence/reason YOU have imagined they might be. Compare the two and notice whether it is your 'self' blowing everything out of proportion. Lastly if they are genuinely upset come up with a solutiion ie what you can do to remedy the situation and follow through with it. Hope this helps (I have recently been working on a module about self-esteem for my psychology degree so I'm interested to know how this relates to you)

    • Thank you for answering, but I believe you went offpoint on my question. I don't suffer from a low self-esteem. Maybe I didn't describe my situation quite well. I do take things to heart meaning that I feel angry, sad, happy, excited or whatever more than the norm. I am emotional and I tend to exaggerate my emotions. I am a perfectionist too which tells you that I do exaggerate. Ya know?

    • Well self esteem is manifested in a number of attrubutes including perfectionism! Perhaps you do not have low self esteem per-se but extreme emotions (anger, sadness, excitement) all stem from the need to please other people or feel accepted, which in turn stems from self-esteem. However I'm not going to prescribe you to have something when I don't know you but what you can do is acknowledge your feelings are coming more from your perception of the event rather than the event itself!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Just bear in mind that not everything affects you and if it does, ask yourself: "How long will this actually last?" You're a human being. The reason our species has become so "dominant" is our ability to adapt. When they say "survival of the fittest", they don't mean the morbidly obese get left behind. It simply refers to the extent to which you can adapt to challenging situations in which you are placed.

    So just remind yourself that in order to survive this world, you have to learn to adapt and take things lightly. If someone hurts you, just walk away or be sugar-sweet with them and watch them burn on the inside. Guilty feelings arise when you blame yourself, but why should you be to blame for so many trivial things? Sometimes things just happen. It's how you deal with them that matters.

    So, whenever you are faced with a situation which you feel might harm you, take a deep breath, remember that whatever happens you can overcome it because it is in your basic nature to, that not everything is your fault, and that pain only lasts as long as you allow it to.

  • ha, I'm stuck with this problem..but I've gotton better with it, I've learned not to take life so seriously..when I feel down/ I go outside and workout..or I find somewhere to be alone..and try to compliment myself...if you can keep your mind off of little things that bother you, it won't eat at you as hard.. but I can't lie its hard..

    hope maybe I answered half correctly, just don't be to hard on yourself..

  • Hmm... I have a similar thing that happens to me sometimes. There are a lot of things out there actually. Of course there's doctors and pills and crap but I'm not a big advocate of that stuff. there's also things like meditation, praying if your religious, and even just asking yourself why you feel this way. sort of a logical introspection I suppose. for example: I feel mad. what made me mad? this made me mad. why did that make you mad? etc. self examination.

    you could try writing it on a notepad and actually examine your own thought process and get to know yourself better. this is sometimes useful in not only understanding ones self better but it can also lead to a better understanding of those around you. and with a better understanding of yourself and those around you, you may find that you become not so intense.

    it works for for me. its something I learned along time ago but something that can be difficult to maintain since we as people are constantly changing due to new experiences in life.


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