How do you deal with being single?

I use to handle being single by keeping a guy or two around even if I'm not that into him, just so I could have someone to talk to and go out with. Recently I stopped doing that because I think that's not fair for the guy and its not fair for me either. Everyone deserve to be with someone that they're actually into & the feelings be mutual. So now that I've got rid of that "coping" method (dating guys I'm not that into while single) , I wanna hear from others what they do to deal with the single life.

1. Do you wait til love find you or do you search for it?

I've done both and got bad results. As I waited, only guys that I'm not that into approach me. When I made the move myself, I obviously went for the guys I actually like but that didn't work out in the long run either.

2. Should I just not focus on love at all and put all my attention in other things?

Its hard doing that. Somehow it pops into my head that I'm single and I feel lonely & bored sometimes.

3. what do you think I can do?

It's just boring and frustrating to meet/date so many guys and things just never work out. AND the crazy thing is I'm the one that's dumping them because either I'm just not that into them or something major like he have a girlfriend (relationship was on the VERGE of of now, its officially over but the fact that I was dating him when he was with someone still turned me off from him)

4. What do YOU do to deal with being single?

Thoughts? Thanks. Will Choose Best Answer :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • What do I do to deal with being single?

    Well, first off, I love myself. I acknowledge my self worth. I love the family and blood line I come from. I acknowledge were I'm going in life, career wise. I play a lot of sports, and acknowledge that I'm a real athlete. I go out to parties, and socialize. I don't whore around, but I socialize. I make new connections, and new friends. I am confident in myself, I'm not a hostile person, I act very humble, and give love out to everyone (not in a gay way, but to not seem intimidating, but if someone intimidates me and steps in my space, I will take a course of action) And yet again, I love myself. The key is to love yourself, and when your single, life will seem like you never will want to be with someone, just by yourself. Not to say that I don't want to find someone, but I know when that someone finds me, they will confess their love for me, and I will be able to give it in return.

    (you really need to work on your "selfworth" catagory, this will help you a lot when your single)

    What do you think I can do?

    Take a break from the dating game. Do not date men that are in or on the verge of breaking up with a girlfriend, for they too don't love themselves. And will most likely bring drama and hostility into you life because they haven't cleansed themselves or taken the time to be happy with themselves once again.

    (so once again, work on your "selfworth" and take a break from the "dating game")

    Should I just not focus on love at all and put all my attention to other thins?

    Yes you should. Not to other things, but to yourself! aka, what would you like to do today? What would you like to accomplish. If you wanna get your nails done, go get them done, so you look good for yourself, not for any1 else. If you wanna go for a jog, go for a jog, not because you want guys to holler at you while your running, but to towne your legs and butt more for yourself.

    (so yet again, work on "yourself" "Selfworth" and take a break from the "dating game"

    Last question: Do you wait til love find you or do you search for it?

    I wait for love to find me, why? Because I know who I am. I know what I want. I don't search for it, because that only drives you nuts. Instead I make a check list of what I would like in a woman, good looks, university degree, comes from a good family, has those motherly characteristics, and so on and so forth. (my list is too long for this chat box lol) But I do know that the one for me, will adore me, and profess her love for me, and I will adore and do the same with her.

    Anyways I would continue talking but I'm running out of characteristics in the chat box. But do you get it now? Don't be insecure with yourself, Start off with your eggs that your carrying, that should be a good motivation starter for yourself, and what those eggs would like, and work upto your heart and mind. Do you understand what I mean?

    • This is very helpful. Thanks a lot. I'm already starting to take your advice. I'll get there someday :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • "I use to handle being single by keeping a guy or two around even if I'm not that into him, just so I could have someone to talk to and go out with"...God I f***ing hate girls like this with a god damn passion, thank god you grew out of that trend. It's just too bad most of your female counterparts haven't. I've cussed out and kicked away so many female friends for pulling this.

    Ok now onto your real question. It cane be tough. I think it depends on the person and their drive for love and sex. My drive for both is pretty high so being single isn't really all that fun for me, especially because I don't hook up with people I'm not committed to. So the freedom everyone talks about when being single doesn't apply to me.

    I think the trick is to simply not focus on it, other than putting yourself in opportunities to meet people when they arise. When invited to parties, go, even if you don't want to. When you are invited to an outing, go. When a friend is having people over go. When friends are going to a bar, go. Most importantly, do these things when you know there will be new faces there. You just never know.

    You have to not revolve your life around trying to get a BF/GF. Instead you need to focus on being a better person and soon people will take notice and flock to you. Focus on getting better at your hobby, furthering your career, improving your health, improving your attitude, etc. Again, I know this can be hard, especially when being single puts you in a bad mood, its a struggle I face every day, but non the less, while it is hard, I still believe that is the approach.

    • Thanks! I actually like your answer a lot more than I thought I would.. but as for the keeping guys around thing (although I refuse to do this anymore), get over it. some guys do the same damn thing. Its wrong when both sex do it but you just have to be smart enough not to get used. That's just life.

    • Your right both sex's do do it, and its wrong both times. However, I think its still more common for women and that's because its more covert. Guys keep the girl around for sex, so the intentions are usually quite clear. Girls on the other hand will keep a guy around simply for emotional support, which is much harder to pick up on. Can keep some guys strung for years even. You right that people should stand up and stop from being used, just not like people will outright tell you your being used.

    • Usually by the time someone has figured it out, the damage has already been done, that goes for either gender. Being used is hard to prevent, its only easy to mitigate its length and effect.

  • 1. You don't have to seek it out but don't let opportunity pass you by

    2. Put your attention into other things. You're going to find love when you're not looking for it. Most great relationships start because people meet doing something that they both love. So go enjoy your hobbies and you'll find something.

    3. Maybe try some new activities. Sign up for a dance class, or cooking class. Plenty of guys in both of those.

    4. I deal with being single by just looking for more friends and if I find that I am immediately best friends with a girl then I consider asking her out.

  • 1. I think you should search it. If you set yourself to it, you'll surely find it. Yes, sometimes you encounter ups and downs when you approach but that's just part of the process. You really need to go out and seek for your happiness.

    2. I think you should put all your attention in to other things. The more you're focus into things, that more worldly you get, the more challenge you put up, and the attractive you're into guys' eyes. It's like hitting to bird in one stone. You go out there and search for love while focusing yourself into other things.

    3. Have fun in your dates. The more you reject, the closer you are to your ideal guy.

    4. I always strive to have fun and always seek for my happiness. Because the more I focus on those two, the more girls that appear in front of me, and willing to be with me.

  • well the problem doesn't sound like its with the men, the problem seems to be you. find out what you really want in life and make it work. me? I've just stopped trying, haven't been trying to get into a relationship for a while. can't seem to find a girl that interests me and iam sick of getting rejected. also its a real turn off when women beat around the bush with me, it makes the on switch go to the off position for me. iam not getting any younger and I don't want to have to talk for a year to finally set up some sort of hang out.

    • Thanks. I liked your answer a lot. Can you please say more on why you think the problem seems to be me? I would really appreciate it.

    • by the sounds of things you just get bored of the guy or the situation and just cut it off after that. not sure what's going on in your life but it sounds like right now no guy would be satisfactory for you right now, with whatevers going on in your life right now. also sounds like youve been dating a lot youd think one of those guys would be good. I could be wrong. I don't know the whole story.

    • Ok thanks. I'll take what you said into consideration.

  • Well, I am single right now myself, and I enjoy this time to have all to me. However, I have had moments where I hated being single and was frustrated with it just like you, but I learned that being single is not always a bad thing - in fact it can often be better for us because of what's going on in our own lives or we're really not mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship.

    I would say that right now you should just take it easy and relax in being single, even if you feel like you SHOULDN'T be. That restless need is actually a sign that you're not really ready for a relationship emotionally, you only want one because it's either been the norm for you or you just don't want to be single anymore. See singleness as an important time for yourself and your life at the moment, as it also teaches us how to be READY for a relationship and matures us for it.

  • 1. Love is funny it finds you when you are not looking.

    2. Put your attention on something else and look at answer #1

    3. Do a physical hobby that makes you feel better about you, then look at answer #1

    4. Me personally I go snow boarding. It clears my head and I usually meet woman that are interested in doing that with me, like the girl I am dating now.

  • 1. I never search for love but if I find her intresting, I give it a shot, waiting is best way to be single if you not super attractive and popular

    2. find a hobby or something that intrest you

    mineis computers (also my profession), it can help to talk with other or challange yourself to make thing intresting, IMO if you find something you really into something, even sex and releationship seem boring = you found what you love to do with your life

    3.. up to you, but someone who date someone else when in a realationship feels untrustwhorty (how can you know he not see someone else behind your back?)

    4. movies, computers,programming,friends,gaming etc just do what I really want, I hate the idea to be restricted by releationship ( I don't cheat and don't like idea the idea of two timing either, I just hate girls who want to change how I am )

    • 1. "waiting is the best way to be single if your not super attractive and popular." I disagree. I'm pretty and I have a nice body. I see people with ugly face and terrible bodies who are not single so obviously looks and popularity is not the issue.

      3. I didn't know he had a GF. That was THEE reason (and ONLY reason) why I stopped seeing him.

      I agree with everything else you said.

    • 1. I think I worded it wrong (bad English) I meant it to be that if you wait, it is much higher chance you be stuck as singel if you not attractive and popular (by that I mean other check you up)

      3. I did not mean directly on you, I just note that anyone who see someone else when in a realationship (this case HE was the one who did two-timing ) how can you really trust him not to do it again?

      I am very sorry, it is late night at end of shift so tired + poor English is bad time to write

    • Ok. Thanks!

  • Being single is always great. No strings, no arguments, no trust issues. Of course having someone has a lot of positives to it but I always feel extracted from the world when I'm in a relationship.

    What can you do?

    Honestly if you're keeping yourself out there you will eventually find someone who you're into. But not being out there and staying in a shell will definitely decrease your chances. Just don't try too hard to be exclusive. When you rush things you can always trip.

  • Sounds like you have an anxious attachment style look it up. You need to figure out a way to be more secure and content in your own company.

    I don't even think about being single, I only think about the girl I like at the time.

  • I choose not to focus on relationships, no matter how much I want one. I just recently decided to focus my energy into things that are much more important, like college where I have to study to keep going through to my degree! I also focus on my friends, politics, music, clubs, my pets, and many other things. That does preoccupy pretty much all of my time, leaving my mind off of things such as love and relationship kind of stuff!

    I recommend you try this.

  • I feel like sh*t when I'm single yet I don't immediately start dating. If I'm in a relationship, I will really have a thing for the girl I get with. But it still really sucks being single.

  • When I was single, sometimes I would have a female friend that I could spend time with. Not always physical, but just someone I enjoyed hanging out with. Sometimes we ended up dating, but others we just stayed friends. I don't think that's bad if you're both honest about what you're doing.

    I'm comfortable in my own skin and don't mind being alone. But, It's nice sometimes to have a person in your life who knows you at least somewhat intimately that you can spend your time with.

    In fact, my wife started out as one of my hang out friends =) We just never stopped hanging out.

  • I make myself too busy to feel single and also to avoid seeming desperate to picky women. If I am not sleeping I am working. If I am not working I am studying. iIf I am not doing any of those things I am driving to and from both, This not only helps me to better myself as a person but to be more prepared for the woman of my dreams and to make a better living for myself and hopefully my future family. I study people that are in relationships and what things make those relationships better. I try to decipher what problems arise in couples and how to avoid these and prevent ruining what could be a great relationship with the love of my life. I also reflect on mistakes I have made in the past and ways I could have made things better or the people in my life more happy. I try to maintain a personality that makes everyone around me not only enjoy my company but happier in their own lives after spending time with me.

  • Im 26 yeats old never had a girlfriwnd or been on a date. Your lucky that you had someone to hangoit with. Sorry I just red the main question. But its not that hard. You just be you. Do what you do when your on your own.

  • Maybe your asking price is a bit too high? Like, maybe you want guys that are out of your league? If you're going through that many guys, and find nothing, there's a problem.

    Also, don't feel bad about doing that to men. It is their fault for giving so much time, money, energy, etc, without getting the girl to lay on their back. Don't blame yourself.

    The way I've always dealt with being single, is having a few FWBs around. But now I want more and it isn't doing it for me.

    • I don't think ANYONE is "out of my league". I'm just asking for two things to begin with: a guy that does NOT have a Girlfriend and one that I can have chemistry with. Is that TOO much to ask for?

      I don't know if your being sarcastic or not, but I don't feel bad for men. It's a part of life. I've had to deal with their antics too and I just take it as a learning experience and move on.

  • I'm fine when I'm single

    I think people that feel they NEED to be in

    a relation are weak and rely on others more

    then themselves be in a relationship for the RIGHT reasons

    . Also they have sheep mentality that you need to be in a relationship

    to be socially accepted

    • I was fine for the first couple of months of being single, in fact it was actually fun, but its's been TOO long now. It's not that I need someone, I've achieved so much on my own. very proud of myself on that. It's just that, well even God made Eve because Adam got lonely after a while. Its natural to want to have a companion after being alone for so long.

  • I love it and appreciate the many perks.

  • cry in bed everyday , becuase I'm ugly and I will die alone

    • cheer up!

    • Show All
    • Is that avi your real picture? It looks kind of like a chess board but it's not so bad. You never know when a girl with a checker board face will come along and the two of you really hit it off. There's plenty of game board faces out there, you just have to wait for the right one to come along. BTW, that queen is a nice feature. If you moved it forward one space to make it stand out more, I think it would really improve your overall looks.

    • LOL DanAG

  • I just f*** :)

  • 1. I think waiting for love to find you is the best way to do it.

    2. I think you should put your attention in other things. Do the things you enjoy and maybe you'll find someone who shares the same passions as you.

    3. Same as number 2. Try not thinking about dating at all. I know it can be hard, but just try to enjoy your life as a singleton.

    4. I just live life as it is. Work, school, working out, and my other hobbies keep me pretty busy. My best friend is also amazing and fun to hang out with and she would set me up with someone if I ever asked her to.


What Girls Said 1

  • Pretty much all these questions merit the same answer from me.

    I tend to just enjoy my life when I'm single. I don't actively search for a guy but I keep my eyes peeled in case someone really interesting crosses my path. And I think that's the best way to go. You should just enjoy yourself and not worry so much about finding someone. You can't stop yourself from thinking about it from time to time, I know I did when I was single. Just don't let it control your every thought and action.

    There's much more to life than dating and when you're not dating someone you have that much more time and energy to spend on those other things. I love my boyfriend and I'm very happy with him but there are things I miss about being single. Each side has its perks, just focus on the perks of whichever side you're on while you're on it. When you're single you have more time for yourself, you don't have to partake in watching sports or anything else you don't like to make your boyfriend happy, you're free to talk to whomever you want or do whatever you want without worrying about how it affects your boyfriends feelings.