Why do men/guys choose to be jerks and players?

Why do guys choose to be jerks when they can get better girls if they are sweet and nice?
  • Players are jerks
    Vote A
  • So what if your are player (explain more below)
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • When I was younger I was the kind of guy that girls would tell me I was really funny, sweet, kind etc. They all loved me as a friend and they'd tell me how much they wanted a nice guy like me, because they always seem to end up with jerks. So I'd ask them out, but then they'd tell me they didn't see me in that way and they just wanted to be friends, which was fine. And then they'd keep getting with guys who treated them like shit and complain to me about it. I never got mad at them for not choosing me, but I did find it very confusing. Then later there were some girls who intentionally strung me along for the fun of it, I won't go into detail but they'd be really horrible to me for no reason, then when I asked why a couple of them said "because it's fun", usually they'd been hurt by other guys in the past so they took it out on guys they weren't that interested in is my guess.

    So after rejection after rejection, and being treated like shit despite not being a lying cheating douchebag, I got tired of it and I looked for advice on the internet. I got talking to some guys who were good with women. The main advice was to be more forward sexually, to stop caring what they think or whether I might offend them or not, and to pay more attention to a woman's actions than her words. I followed their advice, at first I was terrible, then I got to notice patterns in women's behaviour. A lot of them would insult me at first and tell me what a dickhead I was, what an arrogant prick I was etc. More girls would tell me to fuck off, however more girls seemed to pursue me afterwards too (even after calling me a prick - my current girlfriend included lol).

    I've never cheated or treated a girl like shit, although all I've just said makes me a jerk to some. The reason I became this jerk is because it works better than being a nice guy. Girls encourage it whether they realise it or not.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because it's fun, and you are more attracted to them that way. Not all men are jerks, but you don't like the nice guys or you wouldn't be asking this question.

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    • How are you more attracted to someone that treats you like shit? Maybe guys should be raised to be douchebags instead?

    • Some women (not me) find it exciting when a man is hot and cold... it's like the chase and the game... probably because of romantic comedies, they think that being in a confusing relationship is more exciting. I think it's because their feelings and emotions become so up and down, almost like a drug they are attracted to the drama... and hoping they can change the man... that they are so great as women the men will change specifically to be with them

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What Guys Said 91

  • Some guys choose to be players because they are jerks. Many others choose it because there is no real help when it comes to dating advice for men. Sure there are a few articles here and there, but it is usually the same old advice "be yourself" "Get confidence" which most guys actually are and do have. The main source of dating advice sadly is all the pick up artist crap which glorifies the life of a player or "alpha male." Since there are so little people giving relationship and dating advice outside of the pick up artists many men seek them out through desperation. They employ the pick up artist bs, and they don't get their dream girl, but they actually get attention from women and dates. So they figure the puas (pick up artists) are right about other things like being a jerk.

    Also, believe it or not many women do go for these guys :( From what I hear its because they mistake the jerk's indifference towards them and the relationship itself for "sexy confidence." I'm always happy when I find out there are a lot of women who really don't like jerks though :) I wish there were more of you.

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  • It's because most women don't like nice guys romantically.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fz3zFqLc3E

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  • Because it works... we have a choice , be nice , which means , being lonely and hearing those dreaded words "I just want us to be friends" or be jerks and have almost any woman you want. Quite easy choice , isn't it? Women turn nice guys into jerks and jerks turn nice girls into bitches... and thats just another day on this beautiful planet filled with unhappy , misunderstood people...

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  • Why do women aim for the 'best' possible guy? Why do women choose to be gold diggers and find money more attractive than males?

    Human nature. Males are biologically driven to bone as many women as possible; while women are biologically driven. I'm not saying all women are gold diggers. But, I will say they're naturally attracted to resources and status, as males are attracted to their bodies.

    Either by religion or women's influence, males are indoctrinated from birth onwards to be monogamous--looking for that 'perfect soulmate', or at least a good woman, to serve her, to die for her, to provide for her. These are all things that make women win. Males would win more, biologically, if they spread their seed to as many random women as possible.

    Not even women are 'naturally' monogamous, though they [...] While men may have a greater tendency to cheat (because we're biologically driven to have sex with any semi-attractive, willing woman--which means it takes a *lot* of willpower to refuse, women have a tendency to *trade up*, meaning that if they spot a male with more resources or 'personality' aspects she may find preferable in her offspring to her current mate, then she will jump. Even still, women cheat, as well, and why would they? Well, biologically speaking, why would a primate want to reduce the chances of having offspring that survive by staying with one mate? Obviously, if a woman seeks out multiple partners, she can increase the diversity of her offspring, increasing the chances of at least one's survival.

    Love doesn't factor into it. 'Love' is that feeling of infatuation, "Oh, I'd do anything for you, I love you so much." at the beginning of a relationship. After a couple years, that feeling dies down. And, after someone's willpower breaks or they spot a willing partner, they give in to their natural urges. Divorce rate at 60% and climbing by the year. Why? 'Cause it's not natural--it takes a lot of effort and resistence to continue *one* relationship

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    • Of course, I'm not saying monogamous relationships are impossible. Obviously, many people still succeed at them. But, they're not all lovey dovey, in the vast majority of cases. It's not a fucking fairy tale, and pretty much anyone who's been in a long term relationship can tell you that. It requires an ability to forgive many things, to adapt, and to have a resistance to hate, as much as love the person.

      These are the base urges. With humans, that gets a bit more complicated, since we're capable of logic (somewhat) and introspection, not to mention societal influence. Some, may transcend (or reduce the severity of) these urges and choose a different, harder path. Some may love shoes or goats instead of women or men. I don't know wtf is up with that, honestly, but something in their brain or something that happened to them.

      [...] Women are *more* monogamous than males, 'cause they desire a male to provide and protect future offspring--until they want to jump to a better one.

  • Because it works. Men do what works. Women say they want sweet and nice, and I would like to believe that, but they don't go for sweet and nice. They want interesting. And often mistake mean for interesting. So men who have less than sterling ethics do that. I won't do it myself, and I'm not even sure I could. And I'm almost always passed up for the player guy. It's just the way life is. I've accepted it.

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  • Most of those "players" did not grow up alongside any girls; other than their mothers (of which their fathers most likely mistreated). It all has to do with how the parents taught the boy to treat women. I don't consider myself a player, but I do flirt with respect because I have two sisters. I know I wouldn't want some random guy to mistreat my sisters' feelings.

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  • Men see other dudes getting laid a bunch by being a player and not respecting women. Most average, more passive guys aren't getting nearly as much sex. Operant conditioning kicks in, being an asshole=getting more sexual partners. Women create men like this by fucking them all the time.

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  • There's a reason for why people are what they are. If no one likes jerks, no one would be a jerk, but since there are many girls that like them, then there will be a lot of jerks.
    Everything happens for a reason, if there was no reason, it wouldn't happen.

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  • Because guys, like most humans... want to have sex.

    Jerks and players, is the better alternative than the nice & sweet guy that most women don't feel sexual attraction to!

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    • I still don't understand how "You just literally took a shit on my entire families' face" = "OMFG LET'S HAVE SEX"

    • @buttf4rt we can't control the primal female mind... just take advantage of it and get laid! :)

  • Because women allow them and date them despite this. If a woman shuts a guy down for being an asshole, he won't act like an asshole anymore, or will look elsewhere. Enabling their behaviour is the issue.

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    • You've really nailed the issue here. Everything else is basically irrelevant! Thumbs up!

  • To sum things up and answer:
    Not all guys are like this
    Nice guys finish last
    Girls typically go for players/jerks
    Guys who aren't players/jerks usually get used or rejected a LOT
    Being a player/jerk is usually more sexually rewarding
    Girls encourage it
    That's the just of it. I could go on a rant, but you don't sound willing to listen

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  • "they can get better girls if they are sweet and nice" Yeah, you'd think.

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  • It's very simple. Women constantly reward man for being assholes, and constantly punish us for being good.

    Women love to fuck a bad boy, and all guys want to get fucked, ever hear the phrase Nice guys finish last? That exists because of women

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  • Bc sadly sometimes there are girls (Not all of them) who give the players more attention then the actual nice guy. Even if the nice guy does practically have a sign in front of the girl that he likes her… the girl passes him and goes for the "player" which then turns nice guys into assholes themselves sadly.

    True story, I've had girls actually tell me years later they wish they gave me a chance or went with me instead of going with the player that hurt them so badly

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  • Are you serious right now? Be honest to yourself; women only want nice men after being used by the jerks and the players, these types tend to get the girls first and more often than the good guys. And you then consider the good guys after jerks/players don't want you ( Bad guys are no good, good guys are no fun ).

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  • Aparrently nice guys finish last. They don't wanna finish last. The sooner the better. Also from what they have seen around them this way if acting may work. Coz why would someone do something that wepould hurt their opportunities?

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  • because the have been taught that the best way to get women is to act like a (insert bad word here) and women come running. because its true for the most part. because they learn how to make a women feel loved and cared for the they hurt them. but the women thinks that if they give a bit more they might be treated better, get loved, etc.. in all they are heartless and selfish. and don't care about the lives they ruin. or the people they hurt.

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  • because they had been turned down so many times for being a nice guy and he sees a**hole getting girls left and right, he will switch over

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  • some guys are jerks, or some aren't, depends on your definition. i don't class myself as a jerk, but i really wouldn't know since thats me, judjing myself, so it isn't going to be a fair view. i wouldn't class myself as a player either, infact i don't even know what to class myself as, all i can say is, make your judgement, but from my knowlege, a lot of guys tend to be very friendly and kind, but there's always one guy who will be a douche

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  • because they can't. Past experience and shared observations prove that being sweet and nice is worthless is you don't know how to play the game. you'll be used, abused and dumped, assuming you manage to enter a relationship (or what you think is one) in the first place. trying to enter a relationship with no game is like going into a battlefield with no weapons or training. you'll be shredded. The myth of the successful nice guy is one of the greatest enemies of all naive men.

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    • Actually something I'm not sure if other women do this the same way. In the past apparently while dating any guy that was super nice down to the core. I would give them hell at times and manipulate them. Mainly because what started to piss me off and made me want end up being that way. They never picked anything or made a choice. I ended up having to pick and stuff. Just the fact that they guy couldn't prove I couldn't try to manipulate him and try to show that he wouldn't put up with any bullshit. That made me unhappy and hate being with them and why I dumped them. If a guy won't prove to be an equal then it probably won't go well. Again not sure if that's what all women do but that's what I used to. Plus the guy I'm with now is a logical, smart, funny, sweet, nice, cocky son of a bitch.^^

  • Because it's easier to hook up if you're an asshole. It may not get a girlfriend, but it definitely gets tail.

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  • We're testing the levels of tolerance of a woman to the point that it drives them crazy and lured into a hot rough angry sex drive that some of us so desire and have failed to obtain on our conquest of hard.. core.. pimpin.

    Kiddin. I never had this personality.

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  • I don't blame the players, I blame the positive feedback that players get. If they are getting the affection of girls for it whilst the guys who aren't players are not what does behavioral psychology teach us will happen? Positive feedback loops are pretty lame sometimes.

    The guys that are sweet and nice are not getting better girls. The guys that are willing step up and pursue girls are the ones that are going to get those girls. Unfortunately all players fall into that category and only some of the nice guys.

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    • The only trouble with your statement is that you leave out the nice guys who DO step up and pursue girls but only get rejected or friend zoned!

  • I am not a player since I have never gotten laid not even on the lips and I don't see the catch and deceiving women like that and lying saying I love them just to get in their pants.

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  • Because if you're not then women walk all over you and men don't like being walked over as much as women don't really want a man they can walk all over

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  • They really can't. Players wouldn't exist if it didn't work extremely well.
    I can see how getting sick of all the mind games and bs just makes them want to get laid and move on honestly.

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  • They're jerks but they realize that that is the approach that works most often -- at least for the younger girls. Fault it if you want, but so many guys wouldn't use it if so many women didn't fall for it.

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  • becaus most guys just want sex and you get sex easier, if you´re a player/jerk.

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  • Guys do not get better girls when they are sweet and nice. They get shit on and used. Contrary to popular belief, most of us were not raised to believe this. In fact, especially with the huge wave of feminism, we were raised to believe the opposite. Then when we see how it actually goes we realized women associate nice with "weak" and sweet with "doormat". Once we learn that lesson, we never want it to happen to us ever again. Thus, a beautiful butterfly is born. A man that no longer gives a fuck.

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    • And women are far more attracted to it than the "nice and sweet" guy from before.

    • Though exceptions exist, your words are absolute TRUTH!

  • Why do women like you choose to date them and sleep with them? Herpity Derp! One giant circle going round and round and round.

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What Girls Said 15

  • they just want pussy and to manipulate and control women. they aren't looking for a loving quality relationship

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    • may be you dont know but women are as manupulating and as evil a s men and if not more than at least not any less... since most womena re just man haters you just hate to acknowledge the faults women do as well

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    • probably because the only reason men are jerks is because that's what most women are attracted to. It's better to be a jerk getting laid than a doormat sleeping alone.

    • Manipulate? As if women are some kind of programmable computer. Women let themselves be however they chose to act, then turn around call guys jerks. Seems legit.

  • We all try to find our own niche.
    When young, both guys and girls make relationship mistakes, misreads, etc.
    It's ok.
    It's how we all learn.
    I rarely shun anybody
    I expect guys, and a few girls, to come knocking.
    I make my own choices, and try to never hurt anyone in the process.

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  • Because they think that's what gets them laid. And it's something to brag about.

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    • ... And apparently according to these comments it DOES get them laid.

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    • Not for me either. Always been a "nice guy" so I guess I'll just eternal virgin.

    • Not true. My boyfriend is a nice man and got me. Admittedly he was a player before but he bucked his ideas up to snag me. And he's an amazing man :)

  • These types don't want "better" girls, they want mass quantities of girls. Shame on some of us as females for encouraging it by sleeping with them and staying with them despite horrible treatment. They only do what they are allowed to do.

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  • Easy, men go for the skanky girl always because she takes less effort and time. Yet, the sweet girls take more effort and time. Men just want to get their dick wet, pretty much sums the bastards up👍

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    • not always true, but it's sometimes easier to live up to that expectation. I've been rejected for not being "honest" All I wanted was to see a movie and maybe get dinner, and wasn't expecting to get laid any time soon. that was apparently unbelievable... Girls EXPECT guys to only want sex (and nothing else) out of a relationship, and they generally avoid guys who don't behave that way.

    • @Cyberguy57
      I agree that girls expect guys to only want sex... I do. Or I did. That's unfortunate but I consider myself a victim of the society. Goes along with the you've to dress sexy and this and that or you aren't a real girl.
      If some guy likes you, the first thing a father will say is "he's not good enough for you, I'm a man and I know what he wants". So I guess we're taught that.^^;;
      I did avoid guys because of that though and it's hard finding one who is NOT like that. Such luck.

    • Generalizations from a 15 yr old ftfail

  • A perfect guy is a nice guy who confident. confidence is something the nice guys don't always have. but most so-called bad boys are really jerks so yes they play games to lay as much girls as possible in my opinion

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    • and nice guys become jerks because they didn't have any confidence because no girl would date them unless they were a jerk. confidence can be gained through acceptance, but it doesn't work that way. better to learn the ways of the playa, because women only want to break your heart or use you. that, or they have storybook expectations that so nonfictional man could ever live up to.

    • Good luck living in disneyland with all your "perfect" imaginary boyfreinds

    • Sadly, women's unrealistic requirements have made it basically impossible for a man to be accepted by women without being some kind of manipulative player-jerk! A real person who is honest, genuine and truly cares about others is just not good enough! Women decided that!

  • Those looking for easy sex are looking for either easy women or damaged women. I believe that low quality men get in return low quality women.

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    • The type of woman that those jerks and players get isn't exactly a nice woman either.

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    • @Khes not to be the psycho conspiracy theorist, but now we're getting into the subject of gender divisions and misconceptions socially reinforced for the sake of population control. Since religion doesn't work so well anymore.

    • Pretty sure their just looking for pussy...

  • I was just having this conversation a few weeks ago with two of my friends. My female friend said it's because guys are assholes, and my male friend said they do it for sex.

    I think they do it for sex, but if they lead a girl on and make it seem like they're really into her but only want sex and play with her emotions, that makes them an asshole... Unless the girl only wants sex, too, then that's different because no one is getting too invested and they're both aware of what's going on. Players can come in both genders.

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  • Cause their dicks over power their narrow minds. One woman is never enough

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  • That happens when they are young... then we all grow up.. guys stop being jerks and girls stop hooking up with jerks...

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    • Uh... not really.

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    • Lol that ended quickly

    • If a guy is successful at geting what he wants from various women by using "jerk" behavior, then there is no reason for him to stop being a "jerk"! Women have set the rules on this!

  • I guess there trying to play hard to get

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  • I guess because they can

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    • And because enough girls allow them to

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    • I said there ARE exceptions! But reality is still reality! What is there to argue?

    • I don't need to waste my breathe coz you're going to think how you want to think.. more power to you 👊

  • Because they like the idea and the game of playing with girls hearts and using them and taking advantage of them. They aren't looking for a special relationship or anything serous whatsoever. They are looking to get in your panties and then leave. They don't care about you they only care about themselves.

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    • What you say about jerks and players is very true! Unfortunately, the things you say you don't like about them may be the same things that make them "attractive" in your eyes! Let's face it. If a man was sweet and kind and really cared about you, there would be no challenge and you probably wouldn't want him! The only reason men act like jerks and players is because women find that behavior attractive!

  • They don't really chose to be players. They are sex addicts with a huge problem that they won't confront!

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    • Liking sex is natural, there's no such thing as being a sex-addict, get with reality.

    • But you sure chose to be an idiot. Newsflash, sex exists, and you're still a 35 yr. old basement dweller. Have a nice but hopefully soon-disillusioned life.

    • If guys using jerk-player tactics are successful at getting women to satisfy their sex needs, there is no problem! If women don't want jerks and players, yet keep on choosing them, then those WOMEN have the problem they need to confront!

  • Boys will be boys.. Doesn't mean you have to put up with that shit though. Same goes for girls being bitchy. Just gotta take time to find the right one!

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