What do you feel about a 29 year old guy sobbing in public?

It is a 'norm' for men to hide their emotions or not shed tears, because the cruel society considers these acts as 'unmanly' (since men are supposed to be robots having no emotions).

Having said that... I 'unfortunately' happen to be a sensitive and emotional man. I'm not a pushover , and I can certainly fight tooth and nail for myself and my close ones when the situation arises. I'm just more in touch with my 'human' self, than most other men.

I have been through some real crap. I have no friends to hang out with, so I usually go to entertainment areas such as movies, malls, parks and restaurants alone. Not bars or nightclubs, because I don't drink. Often, I just sit my by myself, with my headphones on. And without my knowledge, I sob silently to myself and shed a few tears, but I try my best to 'hide' them from people around me (who are strangers to me anyway). I do get nasty glances sometimes, when people realize that it is an adult man sobbing to himself.

So what would be your first reaction if you saw me at some upmarket, possibly expensive public place, sobbing softly to myself with my headphones on? Would you think of me as not being 'man enough'? Do you simply ignore me? Would you feel some sort of sympathy? Or would you go to the extent of coming over and ask me if something's wrong?

Both men and women are welcome to answer.

P. S. I never go around seeking pity, nor do I tell anyone of my general sadness unless they specifically ask me.
Updates:
People, PLEASE, for heaven;s sake, READ the description before answering. If you don't have the patient to read it all, kindly refrain from answering.
I suppose 'sobbing' is not the right word. I reside in a third world country and English is not my primary language, so i didn't know the subtle difference between sobbing, crying and weeping.

So please replace 'sobbing' with 'crying silently' in my original question, and answer accordingly.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I heard that laughter was the best medicine. I'll purposely go by your table and make you laugh your ass off 😜 :-P When I was going through anxiety/depression, I watched comedies and vines. Believe it or not, it helped. Provided you have some sense of humour.

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    • I think he should become a she male :)

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    • We'll mesh well than :) Yeah, it's a mindset.

    • Thanks for MHO

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're repeatedly crying in public. No matter what you want to say to paint yourself the victim of sexist attitudes about male weakness, you are putting yourself in position to be noticed because you DO want to draw attention to yourself (yes, I'm calling you a liar). I think it's pathetic, and it would be so whether it were a man or a woman.

    In any case, in your hypothetical scenario I would have no idea what happened -- you might have just found out your girlfriend had cheated on you for all I know -- so I'd feel sympathy but leave you to your sorrow. If I kept encountering you and seeing you crying though, my perception would quickly change.

    Before you set up your straw man, I never said there was anything wrong with a guy crying. I do it too. Bad things happen. Confluences of unfavorable events can be overwhelming. It happens. The issue here is that you are framing that within a scenario where it is no longer just about you being sad/miserable/overwhelmed; it's now also about putting yourself in positions to let people know it so that you can have people elsewhere validate your role as victim of society's sexist attitudes.

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    • No, I don't cry repeatedly. Its just that when I'm not doing anything else, I just feel really depressed and sad. It is not the problem when I''m occupied with something.

      Considering that I have a full time job and prefer o stay at home on Sundays, it is only on Saturdays that I remain out in public long enough to sometimes become emotional. Doesn't happen repeatedly. Far from it.

    • I mean... it is not like every time I step out in the public, I cry.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 12

  • Honestly there's nothing wrong with crying. Sometimes you just need to cry and it feels great getting those emotions out. Assuming that men have to be stoic and tough all the time is the same thing as saying that women have to be emotional and weak all the time. I'm a girl and I rarely ever cry unless it's something serious but I don't judge other people for it. If others have an issue with it, screw them!

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    • Thank you for such kind words! It is hard to imagine a complete stranger on the internet saying such words, when even those whoa are 'supposed' to be close, don't really bother! Much appreciated! You made me feel better! :)

    • I am so glad I could help! That's what this site is for right? If you need someone to talk to just shoot me a message sometime!

  • I definitely wouldn't judge you. Men can cry without it meaning their "unmanly" etc. To be honest, I actually really respect it. Given the way society is, I always respect guys who are comfortable with their emotions.

    If I saw you, I'd assume that you were going through a difficult time. My first thought would be one of worry and sympathy. I would likely go over to ask if you were okay - not to pry but just to see if there was anything I could do to help.

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    • Great to know that! :)

  • I feel the same way about emotional outbursts in public whether the person is male or female. Kindly keep your emotions private. It's disruptive to other people.

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    • I guess you didn't read my description. I specifically mentioned that I try my best to hide my emotions in public, and usually people don't come to know. Please don't make it harder for me than it already is, with answers like this. My humble request.

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    • Ohhhh okay I apologize for the unnecessary snark over word choice then.

      The word choice honestly doesn't affect my choice. You said yourself there's nothing anyone can do for you when you get emotional because that's just you. I don't think less of you as a guy or think you're not manly. I just think anyone crying in public is kind of rude. It makes things awkward for the people around you because they can't help you.

    • Well... I suppose there really isn't anyone WILLING ro do something for me. Not that i expect them to, but just saying.

      Anyway, your honest answer is much appreciated.

  • If I saw a man crying in public I would just think he must be really up se about something, maybe a fight with a lover, maybe someone he cares about got hurt/died, maybe he's stressed out, maybe he misses someone, or maybe he's just having a bad day and needs a good cry, etc.

    Men can cry, it doesn't mean the are any less of a man or are feminine in anyway.

    Men should be able to cry and show their emotions without being seen as weak.

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    • Upset*

      I probably wouldn't try to ask what's wrong, I'm very shy and awkward around upset people. And I know if I was crying in public, I would just want to be left alone.

      Apart of me would want to comfort someone if I saw them crying, but I'm just too shy.

    • Yeah, I an understand. I'm happy that there are at least SOME people left in this world, who don't believe that 'men who shed tears aren't real men'. Really appreciate you for that. You made me feel slightly better! :)

    • You don't have to have something tragic happen to be "allowed" to cry. You have the right to be upset about things and cry about things even if they seem like trivial problems. Crying can be very therapeutic for some people.

  • I know as for myself being a really emotional person, I would probably have shown sympathy. I do believe society does "look-down-upon" men showing emotions as being considered weak and unacceptable. I completely disagree with this, as emotion should never be a discriminant factor. Hopefully we can teach future generations that showing emotion is totally normal and not everyone is gonna have happy-rainbow-day everyday :p

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  • Well you being manly , or not wouldn't come in to play. I would wonder if you were crazy for crying in public alone with headohones, but I would feel the same with a woman . I would wonder what's wrong , and depending on my mood I might ask you what's wrong , but most likely I would feel a little sad for you , and go on with my day.

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    • Appreciate your honest answer. Thank you!

  • I'd feel bad & think something terrible most have happened. I was at chilis today & felt bad for an older man because he was sitting all alone drinking his beer, staring off in space. I couldn't help wonder why he was alone, maybe sitting there thinking about a passed wife...

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    • Your kind words make me feel a bit better. Thank you so much!

    • No problem :) hope you overcome whatever issue you're dealing with

  • I'd go over with a bit of concern and ask what's wrong.

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  • I would think something very serious happened. Perhaps a loved one died, and the music brought out those feelings.

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  • he just had a VERY rough day ^_^

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    • At least you didn't say he isn't being 'manly'. Thanks.

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    • Thank you! Its not that I weep intentionally, but it just happens often without me even realizing it.

    • been there ^_^
      stay strong ! and good luck !

  • Would you like some tissue?

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  • It's a bit odd for both men and women to sob in public where I'm from, but I would probably assume something bad has happened. If I was crying, I would want people to leave me alone, so I wouldn't come over but I'd say a prayer for him.

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    • Sorry, I suppose 'sob' is not the right word. I'd replace it with 'crying silently'.

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    • That's really sweet of you! Thanks!

    • I'll say a prayer for you now, too. It sounds like you may need some support.

What Guys Said 6

  • Gonna lay it out on the line:

    Bottom Line: "Dude must have some real shit going on."

    My thoughts on your post:

    A - Just cause you cry, doesn't mean you're more in touch with your "human" side. I'm human, I feel, I have emotions, I react. I may not cry as much as you but I'm still very much human.

    B - I have no idea how you can start crying "without your own knowledge." If you do this often in public, it's preeeety safe to say you have knowledge of it and that you're going to do it again.

    C - For someone who allegedly isn't "seeking pity" you go to some very, VERY public places. You say you try to "hide" from the people around you, if a person truly didn't want to be found, they wouldn't be in a very public setting in the first place.

    Regardless, I don't think crying makes you unmanly or anything. I cry, next dude cries, life just shits on people sometimes. It happens. But that doesn't change the fact that your logic and your actions are not being very consistent with each other.

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    • Well... I go to those public places because I too need some forms of entertainment and recreation. Just because I don't have anyone to accompany me, I don't want to deny myself these basic pleasures which most people enjoy.

      Having said that, it is not often that I go out. My full time job keeps me occupied during weekdays, and I prefer staying at home on Sundays. So it is only on Saturdays that I go out. I finish breakfast at home, then usually watch a couple of movies at malls, have both lunch and dinner outside, and also just lounge around on this day. Also makes me feel a bit liberated, after working my ass off 5 days prior to that.

      Really appreciate your detailed and well thought out answer.

  • i think you need help bro, maybe some companionship
    if i saw you sobbing i would just move on walking
    but if you were really breaking down i would ask if everything was ok...

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    • Yeah mate, I certainly do need help and more importantly, companionship. And I'm not referring to a girlfriend here. I just need people with whom I can bond. But residing in a fucked up third world country, full of judgmental people who possess stone age level thinking, isn't helping my cause one bit. :(

  • I usually just assume they are a bitch. I don't like emotional people, male or female, it's annoying in every context. Crying is exclusively for children or those who lose their children.

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    • What about those who lose a parent? Or those who have no one to share their problems with? Those who have been alone all their life? Those who were bullied as kids, and so have serious self esteem issues as adults?
      I have been through all those, and more.

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    • "Crying is exclusively for children or those who lose their children", wow... heartless much? Never been upset huh? Lucky you, if only life were that simple for everyone. If only we all had NOTHING to be sad about. I see you lack emotional intelligence. Crying is extreme in some situations, but having emotions is what makes us human beings.

    • Emotions are not some thing to be proud of. Hollywood has gone and fucked everyone's brains with that message, like Aliens or people who deviate from being slaved to their emotions are somehow better off. The truth is that emotions can complement life, but in general they take away from it.

      Also do you know what emotional intelligence is? It has nothing to do with being emotional just so you know. I can be aware of your pain, your sadness, to a point higher than you can imagine, without being forced into an emotional ball.

  • Boys can cry if they want, just don't do it in public. The society crying unmanly, so it's best not to let others see you cry. I never shed tears in public.

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  • I've got a headache right now that's bad enough my eyes are watering... does that count?

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    • Yeah it probably does, because people who see you won't know if your tears are due to a headache, or due to emotional pain.

  • We are all human its natural.

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