Why do you push away the people you love?

A guy I've been seeing for months told me today during an argument that he pushes away anything and anyone who has ever loved him, and he thinks that i'm too good for him.

This caught me by surprise, I told him I loved him a few weeks ago and he completely stopped talking to me, and dodged my calls, until I re-confronted him this morning.

At first he was really nasty to me and told me that I need to move on. After a while he began to get softer and ultimately told me he's pushed away every person who has ever loved him.

My question is why? I'm so in love with him it hurts, and i've been nothing but good to him, I am an attractive female, I'm sensitive, caring, nurturing, and im always there for him without fail no matter how badly he treats me at times.

why would he want to push me away? I feel like im in a one sided relationship, but a part of me knows deep down he cares.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Possible reasons:

    A - He doesn't love or trust himself, so that makes him a potential danger to people who love him. Because the moment he damages himself, EVERYONE involved with him will be hurt as well. He's like a ticking time bomb.

    B - He doesn't actually like you and he's using it as an excuse.

    Take your pick.

    Either way, and take this to the bank girl, you CANNOT fix a person who cannot fix themselves. It literally is NOT possible, not matter HOW much you want to. The human mind does not work that way.

    • Could be either or tbh. Thanks for the opinion! =)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Because he loves them and he doesn't want to hurt them unintentionally.
    Or he's using it as an excuse. I can't say for sure.


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What Guys Said 3

  • If it's true... the guy suffers from what I suffer from. No matter what people do or say to me, love or anything positive, I don't believe them. It's called toxic shame in psychology. Inside you don't feel you are worthy. Men who were bullied or had over critical parents or peers (or the combination in my case) usually grow up with this I'm their unconscious and it's such a bitch to get out of. I'm making grounds but it's been hard.

    • Yeah He had a rough life, his mom left him as a teenager after having an affair and he hasn't seen her since. I'm not sure but he probably was bullied when he was young, he has a bad reputation now because of his attitude and the way he treats women, He acts like he has no feelings and doesn't care a lot of the time, but every once in a while he lets me see him vulnerable and tells me how he really feels, and I know he wishes people saw him in a different light. I've never loved someone more in my life and I see so much beauty in his personality. He knows that I feel that way, but its never enough. No matter how badly he treats me, if ever he needs something I'm around for him. Hopefully one day he realizes that I wouldn't hurt or abandon him. I think he tries to end things with everyone so they don't leave him first.

    • Sounds exactly like my former self. I will never forget the one day (this is like 10yrs ago) when my buddy, out of sympathy came to me and said he would like to hook me up with his gf's sister but the way I am with women, he couldn't do that to her because of how I was with women. Inside I was so soft and damaged but on the outside I wore this shield with spikes that nobody could penetrate. Still feeling the consequences today. Yeah... its taken me until 30yrs old to realize everything. He may realize sooner or later (its your choice to wait around for that). You are also dead on the money regarding the reason he breaks up with people first. Bitter men who actually suffer from "Nice guy syndrome' always sabotage themselves. On tat note, if you want to help the guy, I HIGHLY recommend the book "No Mr Nice Guy" by Danny Glover who deals with this and it shook my world. Work with him and this book and you may save his life;)

    • After more than a year I finally gave up on him. I took so much abuse it's not fair. I gave him every ounce of love that I could only to be used, lied to, demeaned, cheated on and manipulated. I couldn't take it anymore, I've cried myself to sleep over him for months & today was the last straw. I hope that one day he realizes that he threw away the best girl he could possibly get because of his terrible ego and false sense if confidence. He tried to being me down to his level and remove my self esteem and I almost let him. I can't do it to myself anymore, I have nothing left to offer him, I'm drained.

  • personally i don't... i embrace the people i love... not push 'em away


  • The only one you can change is yourself. He will have to change by himself. There nothing you can do.

    You should move on, i know it hard.


What Girls Said 1

  • wow... that's deep
    ok sooo either he's really deep' wants to keep u safe and that corny stuff
    OR he's breaking up with u , using THAT as an excuse , and that bullshit stuff
    im just a 16 yr old i dont know any better


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