We have feelings for each other, but now he's backing away?

We've been friends for about two and a half years. We used to be really close, and even though I never thought about it, I kinda knew he had feelings for me, and maybe I had feelings for him, too. It didn't matter, though, because he's five years older than me, and he was my mentor of sorts. I'm 17 now, 5 months away from 18. I tried to pretend at first that everything was ok, but there is no doubt he's distancing himself. And it happened kind of suddenly. Back in November, everything was almost out of a fairy tale. I liked him. He seemed to like me. We were close, and contact was completely two-sided. But then, boom, it stopped. He still pretends to be normal around me, but I know he isn't. Is it the age? What maybe started as an innocent friendship/flirtationship, he realized, I was starting to take seriously? I initiate all contact now, so needless to say, it's dwindling fast. He doesn't ignore me, and when I need him, he's still there. He still cares. But I don't know what's going on. He is taking upwards 20 credits and does have a job, but he didn't even offer an explanation when I invited him to something. Just said "I'll see what I can do :)" and never said anything afterwards. As far as I know, he doesn't have a girlfriend, but I can't see into his college life. What sucks is if it is age, I can't really blame him, but you'd think he'd have been more bothered when I was 16 than when I was 17. I'm not asking how to change his mind, if that's the case. I just don't know what to do. For me and for this situation. I fought my crush on him for two years, refusing to let myself fall for my mentor and friend, but alas, I failed, and now I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • These situations are tricky, when you were younger he may have been interested in you and told himself not to be because you were too young for him, but now that your older it may just be difficult territory for him seeing as his seen you grow up it may be hard for him to see you as anything but the young girl he made friends with that he kind of liked. Another factor may be that outside of the relationship you had with him he went through a bunch of bad ground with a lot of girls. This may be the reason why you feel that he acts different. He might have just changed as a person and the way he acts around girls is the consequence of it and being more distant is his way of tempering girls because he doesn't want something quick and happy he wants something lasting and real. But not knowing him is most of the problem with my opinion. Good luck!

    • I know him quite well as a person, but like I said, I can't sew into his college life. That is a barrier that exists now but won't next year. Either way, yeah, there are just so many 'what ifs' and I don't know how to approach it. Can I even do anything?

    • Show All
    • maybe he liked you at first but its subsided to a platonic love (I'm just suggesting this but i still don't know)

    • I've wondered that. But he's more guarded now... And wouldn't that indicate he's hiding something? Or it could be nervousness about leading me on when he doesn't want to. I could see it being either...

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