I'm confused by his behavior -- am I just being played? Why does a guy say he cares when he then doesn't seem to?

Could use some advice…some background: I have been friends with benefits with a guy for 1.5 years now and we actually started dating about 4 months ago. It was about a month ago he started talking about us living together and wanting a long-term, exclusive relationship with me and I agreed. We are now bf/gf. However, over the course of our time together, we only typically see each other once or twice a month (with kids and work, it can be a challenge). Well, a couple weeks ago we spent the night together and talked more about us being exclusive and he told me he had “fallen for me” but was still too scared to use the “L” word. I told him I loved him. But now it feels like he is ignoring me or pulling back. He has barely contacted me, hasn’t asked to see me since, and his text responses are very short, like he's blowing me off. I know he has a lot of stuff going on in his life right now that is stressing him out (money, trying to get a promotion at work and relocate, etc.) but I feel like he is losing interest now that he “locked me down” and knows how I feel. Although he hasn’t given me any verbal reason to think this. I don’t want to doubt him and I feel like I should just act like everything is fine and until he tells me otherwise. I’ve already been in trouble for assuming things in the past about him, and I want to trust in what he has told me. I want to just act like I normally would by texting him (which really ends up only being once or twice a week) and making plans…but then everything I read about a guy pulling away says to let him and don’t contact him at all, to allow him that space and he will come snapping back at some point. Obviously I can’t do both. At this point I feel like I'm being played because his actions and words aren't matching up. I don't know what to do or how to act anymore.
  • Should I act like nothing is wrong and keep contacting him myself?
    Vote A
  • Should I drop all contact unless he reaches out to me first?
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
As an update, I actually told him I loved him in a text about two weeks BEFORE he started to talk about us living together and before he said he had fallen for me. So, he knew about my feelings before that, and I verbally told him that night. I just don't understand why he would reciprocate if he didn't mean it. Would love some male viewpoints as well :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I see nothing that give me reason to say you shouldn't continue talking to him. It is more than likely he is a little scared about things and will come round


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he's scared of the situation. He wasn't sure of your feelings but now he is and he's scared that his own emotions match. I say carry on like usual since twice a week isn't that much at all.


Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't crush your own heart. I've been through the exact same thing. He liked things the way they were and is not ready for more. If his words and actions are not lining up go with his actions. Words mean nothing. He's going to do him and hurt you. Run away.

  • player.. never sleep until married


Recommended myTakes