Lying spouse... what should I do?

My husband has been lying about dipping (tobacco pouches) and I've known for some time he'll go outside to take trash out or check the mail and when he comes back he's minty fresh and always has to drink or eat something the second he comes in as to wash the smell away but it never works. When I kiss him I can taste it and it makes me nauseous, literally. He knows I can't stand it because it makes me sick and I find it disgusting, he had promised me that he wouldn't start back but he has. I even found it in our truck a while back and he lied and said it belonged to someone else. He knows I know but can never admit that he's done wrong to my face. Even when I ask him politely to just be honest with me he swears he isn't but his eyes and tone of voice give it away (i know because i studied psychology) and he gets mad when I ask. how can I get him to understand how hurtful it is that he lies and has betrayed my trust?
by the way after I confront him and he lies to me once again. He guilt trips me until I cave and apologize and turns the whole thing around to where I am in the wrong for "making accusations"
Divorce is not an option for me! We've been together 4 years and I want to try to resolve things the best way I can


Most Helpful Guy

  • Get him some jerky chew and just tell him he needs to clean up his act. His choices have consequences and if he won't be trustworthy then go on an intamacy hiatus with him until he gets clean. If a mans sex drive won't tell him he's messed up then nothing will.

    • Withholding sex just causes him to watch p*rn which he also lies about because he knows it hurts me

    • Show All
    • It's weird, I've tried that but after I caught him the first time he started pulling out cash for the week. Every once in a while I'll check out account online and see a under $5 purchase. I always look at the prices of chewing tobacco and notice that the prices correspond.

    • Well I'd say the only other thing I can advise you to do is to go stay at someone's house for a week, leave on Monday and call him Tuesday and tell him you won't take anymore of his crap, and that if he won't be honest and trust worthy then you can't trust he isn't lying to you about anything else. Hopefully he'll get a loud enough wake up call but if he won't be honest after that then I can only say do the final option available and divorce him.

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What Guys Said 2

  • The first step is to stop kissing him if it makes you feel nauseous. Then, tell him that you feel that there is a problem with the communication between you two. Tell him that you're not mad at him, but you're disappointed that he can't be honest with you. After, figure out a way you can compromise.

    • I've told him if he started back I'd stop kissing him and he doesn't think I have the will power. I've started kissing him less and when he goes to kiss me I make mention of how he tastes or smells like wintergreen and he'll say "it's something I ate/drank".. which by the way he hates any food that tastes minty. I've mentioned numerous times that I'm not mad I'd just like to know the truth and he still lies..

  • Well I chew Redman. I can see how you think it's disgusting. BUT he shouldn't be lying about it.
    Look into a product called "grinds" It pouches of coffee grinds along with some other things that aren't bad for you. This product can be swallowed because it's coffee. 1 pouch is equal to 1/4 cup of coffee.

    Now just because you studied psychology doesn't mean you can analyze him & be right. That would drive me nuts! You'll drive yourself CrAzY over analyzing too much.
    In this case the evidence is the proof.


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