Are men more often genuine or just being polite?

a friend set me up with a guy because we have a lot in common. we emailed then then texted for a couple weeks. we met up twice. his schedule is crazy, so he fit in an hour (we played soccer in the park), then another couple hours another day (we hung out at a cafe and went for a walk). he asked so, so many questions, opened up, there was sexual chemistry, but no kiss. always the long, lingering hug goodbye with a promise to see me again. from the beginning, he was hot and cold - interested, then too busy, interested, then too busy. he was so busy that i got a little impatient to wait for the next time he might ask me out and asked him. he gave me a "maybe" and a "will let you know if i go out".

my response: was trying to ask you on a date, so is that a no?

he responded with: Honestly (my name), you're really great and deserve some proper attention and effort from someone. Unfortunately, you caught me at a point where I was pulling back from dating to focus on goals and personal stuff, and you're rad so I was drawn in, but it seems unfair to you knowing I'm not fully there. I'm really sorry if this caused you any grief, and I hope we can keep in touch.

I responded with: no worries, let me know when your design project is finished. i would love to see it! (we bonded over our mutual art form)

he responded: I will! If you want to check out my wood shop sometime, let me know

this was a week ago, and we haven't talked since.
should i take him up on the wood shop offer, or was he just being polite? will he actually message me when his project is done? is it possible he does like me but genuinely is too busy to start a relationship?

basically, what do i think/do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Basically he is saying that if you really want to go through with this you need to understand that right now at this point in my life my career comes first and you second. That might change in the future but not right now.

    If you can handle being second to his career ambitions go for it! If you want a man who will put you and the relationship first, you need to find someone else.

    • thank you! that makes total sense.

  • Yes he would love to show you his art, he is busy and just trying to be honest with you, yes he likes you but feels he doesn't have time for a relationship. Ultimately you should follow your heart, but here are a few questions that might help you make up your mind. Is he one of the types who go from project to project or is this a one time thing? Can you put up with being second best to his art? Are you confident in yourself enough to not doubt him if you don't hear from him for long periods of time? Hope this helps :)

    • grateful! super helpful :)

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