I have never had any inclination that there was ever anything there beyond platonic on his end, but he recently got quite handsy with me (in a respectful way, kept asking me if what he was doing was okay, I didn't know what else to say other than yes) and then told me that he really wanted to kiss me and asked if he could. Simply put, I rejected him, and it naturally got awkward.
We spent part of that evening and the next morning texting about it because I felt bad for how I reacted... It wasn't because of him, but I froze and internally freaked out and got awkward, and I just wanted him to know my awkwardness wasn't because of him. I told him I was worried about it being a drunken oopsies (even though he did not have much to drink that night, I did) that we regretted the next day. I apologized and invited him to hang out later in the week, and we did. Things are fine, but I still feel like it's a bit awkward. He no longer hugs me when we say goodbye, we're both a little quieter... We're good, but it's just not the same yet.
I'm internally freaking out a bit because I'm unsure of whether or not it was spur of the moment or if that had been brewing in his mind for a while. I did not see it coming, I've never been so caught off guard from something like that.. I usually at least suspect something before it happens.
Am I insane for putting so much thought in to this? Is it even bothering him? Was it completely spur of the moment? I feel like I made the wrong decision in saying no, but I'm terrified of destroying the friendship. =\