Am I a complete fool who should listen to my mom?

My mom tried so hard to explain to me that people who are academically smart can be very selfish, especially in University. They make their own paths, and that's that.

I guess I got a little too attached to this one guy, and my mom's trying to explain to me that he doesn't care. He made his way, he got his degree, he's doing FINE, and even the little he does care, it will go away because he's focused on his life.

She said even the few times he talked, he was concerned with his focus/academics, and didn't really think of me much.

Well I agree with my mom this is EXACTLY what i used to think of him. But suddenly I noticed he's showing a change of behaviour towards me, and trying to get me to talk to him.

My logic says GET AWAY FROM ME YOU HORRIBLE PERSON, but a very small part of me is like hmm...

I can't help but hate him though, because he does have the big degree, and the life set out for him.. and I'm nowhere.
Updates:
Am I dumb? I feel so dumb? So incredibly stupid and dumb, dumb and just plain silly.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If anything, you and your mother are the ones with the selfish mentality. How dare a guy focus on his own education and life goals instead of focusing solely on you, right?

    The only reason why you feel so negatively towards him is solely out of jealousy. Instead of bitching about how he "neglected you" from focusing on bettering himself, why don't you do something about it? You say that you're "nowhere", so just get somewhere instead of hating on that guy for wanting to be successful.

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    • No, I don't think you understand. I don't have a problem with people focusing on their own education, but this guy is a jerk. He looks down on others, and tries to stay away from those he THINKS don't care about studies.

      He doesn't owe me anything, and I know that. But he's the kind of person who uses people to HIS advantage, and he also ignores people according to whether he can 'get' something from them or not.

      I'm not jealous of him, why would I be? I like the guy why on earth would I be jealous of him, if anything it would make me like him more if he's better educated, right?

      I'm nowhere not because I didn't work hard, I've worked VERY hard, it's because I've had some personal issues in my life serve as major obstacles.

      I'm trying to remedy them, but I can't because people are affecting me so much. Therefore my only option is to disappear for some time and focus on my work

    • "My mom tried so hard to explain to me that people who are academically smart can be very selfish, especially in University. They make their own paths, and that's that."

      It sounded like you had a problem with people focusing on school when you wrote that nonsense in your post.

      "I can't help but hate him though, because he does have the big degree, and the life set out for him.. and I'm nowhere."

      Also that right there is the epitome of jealousy.

      You should have mentioned it in your post beforehand how he manipulates people and acts like an asshole. But even still, that behavior of his isn't because of college. It's not like the school goes "Here's your degree with a side of sociopathic tendencies, have fun paying us back". He was already an asshole as it is, it just so happens that he was very focused on his education and used that against you as well.

      Your mother was right about HIM, but don't think that all people who focus on their degrees are like him as well.

    • It really is nonsense. Sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me.

      Why am I so concerned with stupid things... it's like I'm reading what I wrote, and I really do feel it's garbage.

      This isn't my mom's fault, she's just trying to look out for me. I'm the one who needs to learn to see reality.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey there,
    Is there anything more specific you could give me? Maybe a situation that shows he's selfish? And maybe another situation that shows he's changing?

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    • Okay the first time I talked to him, I thought he was 'nervous' and I was calming him down... I now realize he was never nervous. He was focused. He was thinking over and over about his work and his academics, while he was polite to me at that time, he never needed me to calm him down.

      That makes all the difference in the world. I always thought I was kind to him and he turned his back on me, but I now realize he thought the only reason I talked to him is to get him on my side or something.

      He's always been selfish, I can bet he still is.

      Even now when he wants to talk to me, it's not so much him feeling guilty as it is him feeling pity, in his eyes he did nothing wrong because he didn't 'owe' me anything.

      If I got hurt in the process, I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks it's not his fault, or didn't even think/realize I was hurt.

      I don't know, it's so odd, someone was saying maybe he's just afraid to have hurt someone he didn't even truly care about

    • I don't know what to believe. I only feel that I'm not important to anyone. Everyone hurts me and no one even thinks about how I might feel

    • Ah.. I don't think all academically focused people are selfish, but I believe that in this case, your mom's theory coud be pretty accurate.
      A man who chooses carreer over your feelings is fine as long as he acknowledges you as well as your feelings. I can only tell you that based on the example you gave me, he doesn't think he has time for you. He believes that he has to succeed before even thinking of having that "someone special".
      You deserve someone who has time for and who wants to spend it with you. There may be moments where he's kind, but they are simply "moments". They don't last. I personally believe that you should try and unattach yourself from him. You're on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, where you probably feel hopeless most of the time, yet still have hope sometimes, only to be disappointed in the end, and feel defeated..

      So go find someone out there who'll make you feel special ALL the time!

      Hope I helped - B x

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think your mom is right. I think now that he's got all his educational goals done for now, he might be trying to reconnect with you. But he also acted very uncaring towards you the first time so there's a chance that he could do it again.

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    • I don't understand why is he reconnecting with me? What does he want from me

      Yes, I know my mom is right, and I'm just staying away from him... I just feel so dumb whenever I see him. How selfish of him to try to reconnect with me knowing I'm in so much hot water and he's soaring.

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    • Okay that's fair enough, thank you for your help! I think the more I stay away from this guy the healthier it wil be for me

    • :) Glad I could help!

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