Why won't he open up, commit, or just leave me alone?

I've had this random relationship for going on 6 years now. At first we met did nothing but hook up and hang out at my place. I just got outta 6 year relationship so it was ok.
After a while he stopped coming by or if he did we didn't hook up we just hung out for HOURS. Then I get a call form a girl who says im messing with her man. I ask him and he tells me that he was only hooking up with me when they had broken up. I continued "hanging" out with him sometimes. After some months I get a phone call from her again telling me she is having his baby. I decided to excuse myself out of their situation.
Half a year later he contacts me and asked me to come to his place, a change in dynamics. He then starts in to tell me that his baby was premature cause his girl was young and dumb and smoked while she was pregnant. I was thrown of cause I was thinking I was gonna get to hook up but instead I had to be there to console him not what I was expecting cause he never shares his feelings. We stopped talking again then a year later he contacts me and tells me he found out the baby wasn't his. He was hurt I could tell. After a while we start hooking up again.
Eventually I moved outta town, about 2 hours away to finish school and start my career. When I went to visit we still hooked up. Eventually I asked him what was up between us, then he said "Don't ruin what we have."
At some point I blocked his number and he sought me out via FB from a friends account. I let him back in my life, each time I saw him he pointed out what he had done like he was looking for my admiration. I feel for him more, and asked him what we "Have" he never answered. I cut him off again, but 2 months later he contacts me again and tells me of his plans to move to the city im in after his is done with school.
I wanna confront him in person next time I see him to ask what his intentions are with me. Why 6 years of back and forth? Any suggestions how to approach it, or comments why he behaves this way?
  • You think he feels something?
    Vote A
  • Am I just his fall back?
    Vote B
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Also, I wanted to add when he told me not to ruin what we had, he mentioned that he is really trying to focus on himself cause if he doesn't set a foundation for himself how can anyone respect him basically. Through our situation I've had my own place car two jobs school full time and cared for my young son. He has mentioned to me how awesome and proud of me he was. I had a theory that maybe he wanted to work to get on my level before he went further with me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Fallback. He could've committed to you a long time ago but he chose someone else over you... consistently. "Don't ruin what we have" = "Don't ask for more because I'm not willing to give that to you" in guy speak. He's comfortable and you're not. He's the only one benefitting on a physical, ego, and emotional level you are literally getting nothing but drained.

    I am proud that you leave and show you can live on without him instead of chasing behind him begging. You do have a strong sense of self-worth in there but its still shaky because you still let him in for an opportunity to continue.

    • I think it is hard for me to keep ignoring him because I want clarity. I want to tell him face to face that why I've stayed around, but didn't wait around if that makes sense. I want him to just be blunt and tell me. I am not a submissive woman at all in life, but I do find myself in the position with him just cause everything is so ambiguous.

    • In this situation, asking for clarity is like asking for an apology.
      It shouldn't be done in the first place they would give it to you out of valuing your feelings.

      I truly believe that you want clarification and you're a straight shooter person because your actions align with your words. As I said, if he actually wanted a relationship with you this whole situation would play out in an entirely different way. A guy who wanted to build a foundation is 100% true and it happens but in this situation he's bsing you. I'm sorry you deserve better. For instance, if he truly valued you then the girl wouldn't be in the picture in the first place. Add-on to the fact that when she called you and asked about you he made an excuse that minimized your importance in his life speaks volumes... he would instead tell her "If you don't like you can leave" or something along those lines if he felt you were that important to him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I, so hate to say this, but you have ALLOWED yourself to be his fallback girl, by being there for him. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him just how you feel and see where the cards fall. Good luck!

  • Sadly, I believe you are the girl he runs to when other situations in his life go bad.

    What you have is a situation and not a relationship.

    He has moulded you into what he wants, when he wants it and you have fallen into this submissive role because of what he says and sometimes what he does. He knows which knob to pull and which button to press because, even though you block him, he finds a way back in and you allow it. It's easy for him. I suppose we can all mostly find someone through Social Media these days. Even when you got calls from his other girl, you still continued and ignored the warnings. You are both addicted to the situation and the cycle it follows. He is addicted to the power and admiration you display and you are addicted to his apparent neediness and vulnerability.

    He's never made you No.1 because he didn't have to - you were always there to turn to more or less. Why hunt when the prey basically falls at your feet?


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