To those of you who keep contacting people from your past.. what's the point? Do you do this when you're feeling lonely? What compels you to contact someone who is just trying to move on?
I have to admit that I still have feelings for him, but I'm trying really hard to move on with my new boyfriend..
Most Helpful Guy
Wow, this is complicated. I am a 37-year-old man, married for the second time, with two kids. I am also friends with practically every ex except my first wife. Oh and by the way, my current marriage was "open" for awhile for medical reasons. (It's since closed.) In short, jealousy in my marriage is rare.
I have always, for the most part, stayed friends with my exes. I have a business relationship with one, where I copy-edit her writings, but I would really do it for free. My wife is also friends with most of my exes.
Motives vary for staying friends with exes. Some are subtle, some are sinister and some are totally above-board. But I'm an empathetic guy and I value relationships first. To me, it doesn't make sense that someone who was once the center of your universe isn't counted for ANYTHING in your world. This excludes abuse, of course. Most broken-up couples need a "cooling-off" period of little to no contact, but down the line, whatever.
My first wife thought I should say goodbye to the women from my past. My defense was: "Why should I cut off a dear friend for something that may or may not work out?" Eventually, she convinced me to do so. Well, here's what happened. One of those exes died and I didn't know about it for years. Another never forgave me, even after my divorce. And of the three that did forgive me, I always regretted cutting them off in the first place. Recently, one of these women committed suicide and my current wife and I both attended her funeral and were heartbroken. I was so grateful we established contact again prior to her death and we were all close.
It doesn't really matter what I think -- you're going to do what you're going to do. If I could do it over again, however, I would have never married my first wife. I still had feelings for the ex before her -- strong ones. But she married someone else. Feelings are there for a reason. Maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship with your current guy. But only you know the truth.
Most Helpful Girl
It familiar. You already have an established relationship so its easy to "catch up" but if he respected you he would allow you to move on and do the same himself. In that same way you need to do the same. You answer the phone when he calls. You respond to the texts. If you don't want to have him in your life anymore you have to choose not to talk to him in all ways. Block his number. Or ask yourself if that is really what you want to do. Are you waiting for him to tell you he has feeling and wants to run away with you? There must be something that keeps you going back as well as him. I had to tell my guy friend of 8 years that we could no longer speak and that was that. It was hard and yes I thought about him and our friendship but it was what had to be done and now its okay. I have fond memories and my life has moved on