Why won't he take money from my dad?

I got pregnant and it wasn't planned. I'm still in college, he's getting his ph. D. so isn't getting paid enough for both of us and the baby.
But that's okay because my side of the family is fairly wealthy and they wouldn't mind helping us out for a few years

Recently I found out that he took a second job, which he didn't tell me about (I thought he was cheating) to bring in extra cash. And I know that's sweet and all but he comes home in the middle of the night, tired and grumpy. It's just not worth it. Why not just take the money my parents offered?
He says he doesn't want to owe my dad anything, but we could always pay them back. Why won't he take.

I'm especially worried because he apparently talked to an army recruiter and is thinking of signing up. He said with his degree the pay is good, the benefits are good and we wouldn't have to worry about healthcare and he could always finish his phD later.
But I don't want him to join the army when there are other alternatives, why would he do that to himself?

by the way I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a soldier, it's just not for him. It's not something he ever wanted to be


Most Helpful Guy

  • How do you know if he wouldn't be a good soldier? With a phd level education, that doesn't mean he'd be a guy with a gun. There's other things he could do. And I get it. I wouldn't want to owe parents either

    • It's just not something he ever wanted to do. He started getting his phD so clearly that was his plan I just don't want him to quit now, join the army and resent me and the baby for it in 10 years

    • He doesn't have to go for ten years. He can get training for whatever he wants to do in the military and it would look great on a resume. Sometimes us gotta sacrifice for your family. He's doing it for you and the baby. He wants to make you proud

    • I know he doesn't have to sign up for 10 years. It was figurative speech. I don't want him to regret this and blame me, a few years down the road

Most Helpful Girl

  • He has enough dignity to not be okay with grandpa supporting his child and the woman in his life. Plus he probably doesn't want it coming up later and being thrown in his face by your family or anyone else.

    • it'd just be for a year or two

    • Still though... many men feel like that's THEIR responsibility and they're not cool with another grown a** man supporting them and their child plus their woman. If I was a man, I'd feel the same. You should be happy that he's not a freeloader and he's honorable enough to not be okay with that situation.

    • No offense but you sound spoiled... supporting two grow adults and a baby for a year or two is A LOT of money

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What Guys Said 3

  • His pride is preventing him from taking help from your dad. Sorry nothing you can do when it come to a man's pride.

  • that's not a good sign... i guess it means because of unwanted pregnancy now he doesn't want to be related with you and your family... :-/

  • He's trying to be the man of his family. Respect his decisions and support him.

    • but why not take help if it's there. Just for a little while

    • His pride is on the way and, call it a cultural difference if you'd like, i don't think it's a bad thing. He just wants to provide for his family himself.

What Girls Said 2

  • Guys are very prideful most of the time. He may feel like if he takes money from your dad he is "failing" even if he isn't. It is just him trying to feel like he can provide for his wife, though no one is saying he can't, he might feel that way. Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. Make him think of the baby too, it will be harder on everyone in the situation if he goes into the army, and isn't there to help with the baby.

  • Taking money from your dad will make him feel like he can't provide for his family


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