I feel as I'm being pushed away?

My boyfriend has been frustrated and stressed out due to long shifts at work and I've also been busy with my work. Whenever this happens, he always curls up in his world and not talk to anymore as a recovery. We're not having normal conversations anymore. He is overseas so our relationship is now long distance. I just feel so hurt and pushed away. I really doubt he's cheating or doing any foul play, so I don't know what's wrong with him. He's fully recovered from his man world yet I still feel like I'm not prioritized.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Life gets busy, priorities shift, but I'm sure he wants to put you at the top of the list. He shouldn't ignore you for so long and expect you to stick around, that's not good for any relationship, but at the same time, maybe he has no control over it, work is devouring him, it happens. best thing you can do is whatever you can to support him through his rigorous schedules, he will notice and appreciate it, even if he doesn't express it to you. That's what love is, giving of yourself to the one you love because you can, and not expecting anything in return. Talk to him about it. tell him you feel pushed aside and want to know what you can do to help. if he doesn't want to try it, let the idea sink in for a couple of weeks, bring it up again. Persistence will let him know somethings up and that he could lose you if he doesn't do something about it. If he cares, he'll come around.

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    • I've been so patiently giving him space and private time but I'm also in need of his affection. I was so lovey dovey when he was Going through his frustration shifts and all I got back was no affection but only complaints about work.

    • Approach him in a different way then. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be complaining about work all the time. yes work sucks, yes its ok to complain about it, but not if you're putting off your other priorities. He needs to understand that. If you try talking to him and he doesn't want to understand, you need to stand your ground. don't let him roll over you when you confront him. Keeping up the lovey dovey in the meantime and continuing with the space giving will send him the message that you love him, but your stance when you confront him will let him know your feelings. He's your boyfriend, not your liege. Talking to him and being firm may be the best way to get to him. If it turns into a fight it doesn't mean its over or hopeless. Keep it about the relationship, not about you. Ask for more affection, little pieces. a kiss before bed and in the morning. eventually you could slowly ween him into more affection.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly what you're going through. It's hard to not let negative thoughts into your mind when you feel like there's emotional distance (on top of actual distance). But if it's just his work and stress that's causing it, you should understand that it is only temporary and needs to run his course and just try to be as supportive as you can.

    You should let him know what you're feeling so it doesn't continue to drive you crazy and maybe he'll offer you a sense of security to know that everything is ok with your relationship. Just be careful how you approach it so it doesn't add to the stress. You're feelings are entirely valid though.

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    • I understand and respect his space and frustration period, but I'm In need for him and I don't think he gets that because I'm lovey dovey with him and all I was given back were work complaints.

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    • I agree with you. I'll just wait for him to make his move and we'll go from there. I know I said I doubt he's cheating for partaking foul plays, but could there be a possibility? As much as I doubt it, I don't know anymore...

    • This feels kind of terrible to say but I think in any sort of relationship it's a possibility. I don't know you/him or your relationship so I can't say that I think he is or isn't. I think just solely based on your question I would say that he's not cheating and that it makes perfect sense for him to be pulling away due to being over seas and the stress that comes with his job. I think it's totally normal. We hate to think like this but girls almost always think of cheating automatically because it's like our biggest fear in a relationship. But just have an honest conversation about your feelings. Don't bring up cheating because that never goes well. But tell him that he can vent about his job to you but also what you need in a relationship (lovey dovey stuff) and how important it is for you to maintain that while he's gone. If he doesn't respect your feelings you don't want to be with him anyway.

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What Guys Said 1

  • That's how I get when I'm exhausted and stressed out from working so much. He's also probably a lot more irritable, grumpy, and negative than he normally was because of overwork. Either find ways to cheer him up or just let him be. Nagging and questioning him will drive him off.

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    • I do cheer him up. I always texted him when he had the long shifts and I was always lovey dovey with him. He wasn't though. He just complained about work and completely ignored me and my emotions.

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