When a guy breaks up with you, does he feel pain and heartbreak as well?

My ex and I just recently broke up. Saturday to be exact.

The past 2 months I guess you could say, we've been having problems, but always worked them out. He moved away to college (only 2 hours away though.), and it seems like ever since then, things have been strained and tough. Well we still acted affectionate towards each other, went on a few dates when he'd visit. But then the phones calls started coming few and far between. But we texted everyday, and would leave messages on Facebook, chat on Facebook, things like that. If he didn't text me, he'd call me.

Then the sweet little text messages would stop, and we'd just have regular conversations, and then we'd hardly communicate on Facebook at all. I noticed, as well as others that he had changed since he left for college. Like almost like he was depressed, and really unhappy. He was always negative, moody, tired, stressed, and I told him bluntly that he had changed, and that at times he was unpleasant and not fun to be around.

He admitted that he had changed, and that he didn't like it. We then made a "pact" to treat each other better, and to be ourselves again. Well then I asked him how he felt about me, and he would not answer, he said so there would be no miscommunication over texting (we learned from experience), so he said we would call me the next day. He didn't call me, and I asked him if he was going to, he said no, it would be best to be discussed in person. So I asked him if he was going to break up with me, and his reply was, "Who said that?!" so he told me not to assume that everything was fine, and not to worry. So this past Friday I told him that I was coming up to visit him, and he was excited about it! So I get there, and he gives me a HUGE hug, that I couldn't breath. Then he held my hand as he gave me a tour of the college. And when we got to his dorm, I pulled out the shirts that I had bought for him, and he tried them on...but he never said thank you. Well, we go out to eat, and he grabs my ticket to pay for my meal and said, "I'm your boyfriend. I'm going to pay." so we walk back to his dorm, and he's holding my hand, so I let go to walk down some stairs, and he says, "How come you never hold my hand anymore? Every time I try and hold it, you let go!" So I grabbed it, and we walked into his dorm, sat on the couch, and were watching TV. He wasn't talking very much, so I said, "I'm sitting next to one of my favorite people." and smiled at him, and his reply was, "Good!" then he put his arm around me, and we snuggled while watching TV. Well then, he moves his hand down to my waist, and pulls me closer to him, and places his other hand around my neck, and was caressing it, and he laid his head on mine. Later, when I had to leave, he takes me to meet his friend first, and she follows us to my care, he hugs be goodbye, and leans into my car and gives me a kiss goodbye. I told him I would text him when I got home. (I'll continue the rest on a reply...)

Well I get home, and I knew something was just different. I text him and tell him I home, he says good, and presumed that I was safe. Then he didn't say anything else. So I text him again, and say...You've change. (Which he really has!) He used to be...
Energetic, fun, joked around, and just this sweet caring, Christian guy. Now he's always negative, tired, stressed, and just boring, and definitely not the same. Everyone else has noticed it to. Now he's not in a Christian environment anymore, and his...
Roommates started treating him bad, all they watch are R-rated movies, and he's just in a negative environment. So I'm wondering if that changed him. BUT...when I told him that he changed...his reply was, "I know :( and I hate it!" I told him..
That everyone else noticed too. And so I called him 3 times and he didn't answer. So I texted him and said, "Call me when you can. We need to talk." so he doesn't call me until two hours later...and he said he didn't want to make the call...so I said..
"What is going on?!" and he said, "Do you want me to be blunt? I guess my feelings for you have changed." So...we talk, and he said it all started after he left for college, he's prayed about it. etc. and I asked him where I stood, and he said...
A really good friend, I don't want us to lose communication, like we'll still text every few days, and hang out with others, and all that stuff. And I asked him if he thought his feelings would change again..and he said...
"Right now, I'm going to say probably. I still care for, and I still love you, but in a different way now."
...so I told him okay it's fine, I respect that, but that we couldn't be friends just yet. So, I deleted him on Facebook, and have not made any communication with him. I still love him...but then again, I am happy cause I don't have to worry anymore.
oh! and not to mention...when he called we talked for an hour and half about it He said he knows it's for the best, and that things will be different, and he swears there's not another girl...But I also recall telling him, that I wasn't happy...
in the relationship right now. He said it kills him to have to do this, but it's for the best. So with ALL that being said...and the comfort he was giving me, and all that...it makes me wonder maybe he just doesn't know what he feels right now..
Like he's not exactly sure how he feels about it. So since he was feeling that way, he felt it wasn't fair to me. "If I can't treat you like a princess, then I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better." was what he said.
Because he wasn't going to break up with me, until I said we needed to talk. It's just a very confusing situation...and guys out there with a guess of what is going on in his head?! haha! Thank you very much!
Also...his family tells me I'm still allowed to come over and visit any time I want to, they say that they are all sad about it, and they still treat me very well. It's just a very confusing situation. He said that he will never say anything bad about me.
And that he doesn't regret it at all, and that he could never say anything bad about me. I just would like to know, what others think about it, and what may be going on. Be blunt, I can handle it. (And excuse so many of these paragraphs!)
One more update. He and I will still see each other quite often. We go to the same church, have the same friends, and it's almost impossible not to see each other.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Forget him. I was in the same situation as yours and my ex told me the same line as your bf.

    "If I can't treat you like a princess, then I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better."

    Omg please, that's just his ways of saying: I don't wanna be with you and I feel bad about it. He doesn't have feelings for you any longer. Move on. He said it himself that he only thought of you as his good friend.

    I know it's hard not to see him again since you have same friends etc. Me too. But you know what, when I and my ex meet in group situations, we just don't talk. It might be ackward but we have to do what we have to. He didn't tell you wanting to break up because he's still unsure on how to say it to you. So, when you brought that up, he sees it as an opportunity to say how he feels that is his feelings has faded as a lover for you.

    To answer your main question: Yes, guys can feel that way but it depends on the situation etc. If he only thought of you just as a fling, then I doubt it.

    • Well I told him, "So I guess what we had was just a summer fling then." and he responded, "No way! It was more than that!" and I told him it wasn't. What makes it even harder is that we were friends for two years before we started dating...And he was crying when he was talking to me...

    • Oh that's y it's hard for him to let you go (you were friends before). I am sure he didn't thought of you as a fling. But the fact now is that he has no feelings for you as a lover anymore. So, you better move on. I am sure he's hurting inside but it doesn't mean that he wants to be with you. He just feel guilty but it's out of his control too to lose feelings. Sometimes, it just happen. It's hard to accept but you have to. MOve on.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Ok well then there doesn't seem to be any problem to me. Fundamentally I guess you guys still love each other, and that's all that matters.

  • His head? What about your head! Talk about verbal diarrhea!

  • No he doesn't. If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have broken up with you.

  • yes but some times some guys won't show there hurting inside =]


What Girls Said 1

  • girl that's rough...you just need to be supportive and help him change in the way thay he wants. Don't harp on him about it, change is ineviteable and especially at that age. Be supportive and don't take it personally. Just be a good friend to him right now.

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