Literally speaking from your experience, what does it mean to 'get attached'?

What do you suppose a guy - or you, if you are a guy would mean if you said "I don't think this is a good idea {Kissing} ... I'll get attached or you'll get attached".

I am sure I am supposed to know what that it means , & that it may not even be meant as an insult... I just do not see how it is not an insult - to myself or him... He did to say it in a bad way, but the term itself is a little absurd to me.

Why would someone want to get attached?

Well at least first of ll what is it? I am just not coming up with anything at does not haven negative connotation to it. So, if anyone could he enlighten me, I'd love to not have a bad opinion of said person. :)

Can someone explain to me what it mean to them {I mean the Person writing a response}

Thank You.
I justv want to comment here. people seem to be very wrapped up in this thing about gettingvhurt or being hurt simply by spoendingtime with someone you may like. There si more to spending time with people other then how you feel. Thre is an experience.
There is what you can learn during the process. If you never get involved in something that may end that is pathological. No one would ever travel or take course or be in a play.

It is natural for thing to come into being & pass away.
There is like this tyrannical control people try to attain by guarding there feelings or someone else in a game that is simply not predictable -- It's called life. I understand if he is worried about himself, but I know we may never
see each other again. I have come to terms with it, I accept it, & I still want to spend time with him.

What would bother me is missing out on knowing him now. If he is insisting on 'worrying' about me , it just gets in the way.
I relate to people as in an experience... Not something to have or keep, like a commodity that I will get used to owning then one day have to loose.. You do not loose an experience you already had, just loose out on the ones you never had.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The phrase "Becoming attached" is almost a synonym for emotionally involved. I had a personal motto to never become attached to anyone because I didn't want to be in a position where it seemed like my life only revolved around the guy that I was dating. It's convenient to not become attached if you have other goals in your life that you don't want anything to intervene with. At least that is from my personal perspective.

    I don't think of attachment as equivalent to a guy being a commodity. If this was the case then you are probably going to be the psycho-girlfriend who wants to pick a fight with any girls who accidentally brush against your guy. I am currently in a relationship where I have allowed myself to become very attached. It's not as bad as I thought it would be but it has changed my priorities. I'm more concern with seeing him as much as possible when before I preferred to see my boyfriend only a couple of times a week. If I don't get to hear his voice, I tend to make an effort to talk to him where as before I wasn't that concerned if I talked to him or not.

    So my guess is that he is thinking somewhere along those lines.

    • Well, no need to apologize. I just wanted to know what other people thought of this. Not necessarily what he MEANT. I do not think even HE knows what he means.... What you are describing as what you act like when you want to be with a guy, well that would make me feel very uncomfortable, beausei am not at apint in my life wher I can afford to feel like I am revolving anytyhig round a person.. I need to KNOW what ios happening in my lif & no one is going to be so clear that I can know as well i

    • Can be when I am solo.. I have known him for 3 years, & since everyone is different, I know I will never feel with anyone else the way I feel about him, or about myself with him. I value this, & it is worthwhile even for a day... I am leaving soon so the idea of expecting anything out of this is a bit delusional... I not know if he is freaking out cause he assumes ANY female is going to get attached, or anyone IN LOVE , or he is just worried about himself.. That is why I asked others


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • i just think its about being honest. I recently got out of a long term relationship.I also met someone else recently. We started hanging and I told her I really like her company...but...I also told her I don't want to get attached to anyone right now.Its still too painful for me to imagine being in a new relationship.At the same time I don't want this new friend of mine to "get attached" or "catch feelings". It would not be fair to her since I'm not serious right now. Its just disclosure.If she is truly cool with that then we should continue hanging out.If she wants a relationship(which people tell me she does)the we should not be hanging out.

    • By 'hanging out' do you mean doing friend things, or talking to each other about personal things & spending lots of time together & making out against better judgement from time to time.. I appreciate what you are saying, the thing is, I never said I wanted to be in a relationship {I am leaving soon & so is he - but not forever}.} & he KNOWS that because we had that conversation.. he also told me he does have feelings for me.

      What did she say when you told her?

      I am PRO taking people at word.

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    • That is TOTALLY what I was saying... & in addition, he HAD studied apart, so I would think he would been ok with it.... It's not just the leaving soon, tat makes it different.. If he said he was getting over some one else, then obviously I would not even question it.. he said he is worried about one of us getting attached.... This does not resonate with me, cause I a NOT worried about getting attached.. I prefer t go for the experience & quality not quantity.

      Not sure if he IS worried but-

    • Maybe just let him know that you are sincerely cool with the temporary nature of the situation.this might put his mind at ease.if he is still hesitant well I guess that's up to you on how you wanna proceed.Me personally .Well I don't bother with people that are too much work.It should flow naturally.

  • Basically he isn't looking for a relationship deeper than say being a friend. If your attached to someone and lose them it hurts a lot more than lets say losing someone you just hang out with or an acquaintance.

    Most people have attachments in some form to :

    Best Friends


    Immediate Family

    But do not have strong attachments to :



    Distant Family

    Hope that helps some.

    • What makes it deeper then a friendship. Seriously, I am not trying to be a pain. It is just that he does not act like he just wants to be friends but he seems to like to try to make it sound all tragic none the less... So literally, I really have no reference point with him because I am very outgoing & easy to get along with & when we met we went out right away -- he wanted to. I thought it was a bad idea cause I was leaving soon, but he REALLY wanted to get to know me.

      So, now what's friend?

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    • Upbringing - There are a lot of messed up things you can get drilled into you as a kid

      Watching others fail - If he has seen multiple relationships take this can make them fear anything serious with a girl.

      Experience - He has been burned or lost someone he cared about after getting more involved with them.

      He may like you and want to do it but be afraid. He may have been taught as a kid that you don't get fresh with women. Its hard to say.

    • You made lot of good points. I guess he might have just come out f something bad, because he was not like this a year ago... BTW. In general he does NOT have a problem kissing. That's the thing he is just acting weird & I guess I can not really figure to out, which is fine I do not want to know things that I am not meant to know, it is just that he is kind of pulling me into something by constantly warning me about getting attached.... What happened to my friend? :)

What Girls Said 8

  • i think getting attached to someone means that you have strong feelings for them and dont' ever want to be without them.

    • But that's not gonna happen from a kiss - right? I mean he said t right while we were kissing .. Sure knows just when to say things lol. I just don't know why a kiss is such a big idea. Any thoughts?

  • Wow attached from kissing I guess that kinda works. Why do you think it's an insult. He just doesn't want to be hurt or end up hurting you. Getting attached to people is scary. It's not a good thing to hear by any means it's just really not an insult

    • I guess I am not exactly sure what he means by getting attached, but whatever it is it seems a bit extreme - NO? & anyways if he thinks he is worried about hurting me , he is lying to himself, because I know we cannot be in a relationship right now. We are both about to , & I do not know if I am coming back here next year. & I am not expecting him to. The part that I resent , is that I am adult & capable of taking care of myself. I witingly want to spend time with him Even though I know...

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    • But I am not worried about getting hurt. I just want to hang out with him while I am still . And why should he be worried about hurting me if I already know what is going on? Hurting some one makes it sound so much like a power play..... Maybe cause people use it like that. Anyways I already like him. I am not going to to like him less because I don't spend time with him now. It will just mean that I miss out on an experience... I look at people as an experience, not a means to an end. :)

    • The more you do with someone the more you get attached like it or not

  • it means to get to the point where you want to be around the person all the time, you miss them really bad when theyre gone... feel like you can't do anything with out them ...what does it mean to attatch anything? think about it it means to put together. to sum it up kinda like falling in love

    • Sorry I thought about something after I posted my opinion, have you ever heard the bs term for bratty kids that throw really bad tantrums when the parents drop them of at a sitters? they label it as attatchment issues because the kid supposedly is so attatched to the mom or dad that they cry and kick and scream until the paernt comes back. when you get use to being around someone so personally that you can't focus with out them..

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    • So he think s I am going to be a stalker......... Well if he really thinks that of me after like three years of knowing each other then I kind of feel ill in thinking about him at all. I know I could ask him , but I am not trying to be in a 'thing' with him anyways. I just wanted to hang out with him like we have been doing. I also resent that I have to consider being a stalker cause he has no problem bringing something without explaining it.

      He also said "I know how I get" {?}

    • Well then if he said that then he means he is scared he will fall in love maybe. I do't knoe I'm just giving my opinion. not that being in love is a bad thing maybe he is just afraid of " having his heart in your hands" or on the bad side of things maybe he just isn't onto you like that

  • because when you kiss someone, you're usually showing affection towards them.

    And he doesn't want to develop that kind of affection for you. He doesn't want to get involved, doesn't want a relationship.

    So he's trying to avoid anything that would push him into that direction.

    • Well he SAYS he wants to avoid that, I suppose, that's not what he's DOING.

      I keep wondering, is he worrying too much, or am I just being irresponsible.

      People keep saying that he does not want to get involved, & I guess there is just something that does not sound genuine, or seem genuine when he says that, but why am I not worried?

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    • Yep! I think I just hit it... What bothers me most, is bein misrepresented.. So if I had a way to explain to hi, that I am not going to go crazy assuming all sorts of things, that I am not taking anythig for grante. That whatever happens is great, but iam not calculatig beyond that - if he just got that I do not have aseceret pan, that would help me... I don't want another discussion just now, as he is kind of stressed. Soooo I think a response for when he introduces our 'problem',

      is best:-)

    • He never assumned you were going to get attached. He never said just you.

      He said, "I'll get attached or you'll get attached"

      He admitted to himself first, but then had to bring you into it too so that it lessens it.

      You know when you're trying to lessen the blow of something and say "we" instead of I?

      As if you took a wrong turn in the car and say, "Oh no, we took a wrong turn"

      Stop worrying about it. If he says that he's worried about attachment...then stop kissing.

      Again. About respect.

  • he clearly means that he already likes you, and he knows that kissing you will heighten that. you're both leaving, and he doesn't wanna fall for you completely and then have to leave you... you say its all casual, butmaybe to Him its a step that he believes will only result in hurting the both of you...? maybe...?

    • I see what you are saying.. I suppose if he said he was worried about himself, I would be able to take it more seriously.. I can not think in those terms personally, because I value quality of experience over quantity of time.. I like him, & we are both here now, & I m not worried about being hurt. If he dis-honest that would hurt... Him saying he is worreid is like saying I planning on being a jerk... I do not want him t speak for me.. He only needs to respect me.. Does that make sense?

    • It makes sense.... but maybe if you tried Explaining that to him, he'd stop worrying...... he sounds like the kind of guy that doesn't Do casual short term relationship/hook-ups! and You seem like you Prefer it............... explain everything to him, if he still keeps up this nervous nelly thing.. move on to guys more into the way you do things!!

    • Thank YOu.... YOu make perfectly good sense.. I just have this nagging suspicion, but it's sort of weird,... I am not so sure he is genuinely concerned the way he is acting.. I mean maybe I am being suspicious, just I am not used to him acting this way.. He is usually pretty confident.. Um, do you think he would make that up- maybe trick psychology? {It's body language too, I mean he ddi not move away, while saying he was worried.. He SOUNDED worried but he stayed real close}... Not sure

  • It means I just want to have sex with you...nothing more...then you're history after I get what I want from you.

    • No, that's not it.. He sad he does NOT want to have sex, because he is worried about himself getting attached, or myself. I know everything on this site fits into one stereotype or another, so I guess it is just a process of going thru all the possibilities. But sometimes stories help to distinguish people who are really jerks, really clueless, really confused or really mean, or whatever. :-)

  • He doesn't want to date, getting attached means getting feelings for someone, and dating.

  • I don't really see it as a negative thing but I could be interpreting it wrong.

    To me, kissing is a really personal thing. I think he's doing you a favor by not kissing you. Clearly he's not ready to be in any sort of relationship and if he kisses you, he'll want to be with you which isn't fair to you cause he's not there yet.

    • Oh, I just meen the whole thing about people getting attached like you ahve no control or decsion in the matter.... Like if you like somon that necessarilly means that yhou HAVE to be with them..... NOt that all mean it like that, I just hear so many people speaking I a derrogitory manner when they use terms like that, plus I am very interested in ahving controlover my life & the thought someone expct me just get attached so insulting on a personal level for me that may not for others :)

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    • He said "I;ll get attached , or you'll get attached". He included me in on that insanity. That is bad enough that he wants to involve me in his view where people are analogous to spoiled children, but he did not even ask me what I thought, I felt like he was trying to push buttons or wanted me to really think he was talking about me & not him at all. Or the whole thing just bothers me, so I see evil where perhaps there is none, but I do no see how it can not be insulting. -- For anyone {?} :)

    • I know you are just giving your opinion, that is what I was asking for.. I REALLY do appreciate it.

      NOt to be dumb, but not into me like what ? I mean I don't know what the various ways are but he told me he was into me , & he certainly behaves tat way.

      Do you think "I know how I get" could be his reaction to someone who gets "attached" to him, or his reaction to himself? It's beginning to look to me like someone likes ambiguity... And it is NOT me. :)

      Your insight has been great!

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