I hate my mom help!- Why am I feeling like this?

swtlostchingrl82587
warning: could potentially be a long story:

It all started like this, I'm 22, and my mom have always been overbearing. She called me when I'm out, ask me where I'm going. (I'm the baby in the family) When I met my ex her actions continue and even worse she enforced a curfew on me.

fast ward: me and my ex broke up 3 months already - I don't know what or how to describe my feelings for him but after a good amount of arguing and not talking to my mom, I've finally got my freedom. I told her " when I was with him, you controlled me, When I'm not with him you also controlled me, even when I was single" I said I'm 22, I can take care of myself, you don't need to worry about me.

now the issue is this, when I go out she no longer calls me, she no longer ask where I'm going and who I'm going out with and I hate her so much because I would think back y couldn't she have done that when I was with my ex? why couldn't she have left me alone ? y couldn't she have let me experience something I've always wanted? and let me enjoy my time being with him? but instead of doing all that she caused more drama for me.

the break up could have been many reasons but I just felt like if she have left me alone at least I would feel like it was worthwhile and evey time I go out now- I hate her, I hate her for controlling me when I was with him.

and the worst part is? -- I'm not even happy having this freedom. because I feel like there is no point when I can't even share my success of breaking out and I can't even been with him anymore.

so my question is : how am I not suppose to not hate my mom. I don't want to feel like this because the relationship already messed up things between me and my mom and I feel no desire to talk to her (or maybe I'm just growing up) either way I hate this feeling I hate walking out the door and hate thinking about "why did she have to control me when I was with him" (how do I get this feeling away from me ? (I've tried talking and arguing --it doesn't work.

and why am I not happy after getting this freedom that I seem to have wanted --Was it doing it for him? y am I not happy? ..i should be happy right? ...

please help I've been feel like this for months after the break up and I don't know what to do ..no one seems to understand me..and I'm tired of feeling like this I don't want to live a new year and hold a grudge and wondering why I'm not happy for this freedom I've gotten. I don't want to always walk out the door and hate my mom for controlling me that much with I was with him...do I make sense? -- I hope I'm...

any thoughts and opinion would be greatly appreciated--thanks :).
Updates:
+1 y
I agree with what both of you guys are are saying, .. I know she's my mom and I shouldn't hold a gruge and hate her but ...i swear every time I walk out the door.. I get that feeling...--why did she have to had made my life so miserable? --
+1 y
I don't know why I'm not happy getting my space, I don't want to hold this grudge I don't know how to overpass it. in the end this guy wasn't worth all this but yet I can say I loved him and cared about him so much. and I blame myself so many times
+1 y
for holding this grudge on my mom. --- maybe I'm growing up and I start to not feel like I need her but I can't move out because she needs me --- due to other reasons.
+1 y
omg no one gets my point. .-- I want to know how to not hate my mom and get the grudge off of me. and y am no not happy for my freedom? the other stuff is just back ground.. omg...
+1 y
I understand that there are plenty of others out there.. -- I'm unhappy because I didn't get to have a decent relationship due to all the headache and I didn't get to "live my fullest" or I didn't get to enjoy all the time I wanted to -- ehh--
+1 y
It's like she ruins all my other ones -- ...Sighs--Never mind.
+1 y
But lastly I thank those who Commented. :)
+1 y
or else she'll disown me. maybe it could be due to her and my dad getting int a a divorce and she needs someone there -- but I need a life too and I've been with her all that time and everyone told her she needs to go do something besides staying home
I hate my mom help!- Why am I feeling like this?
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