How to make a guy you slept with once leave you alone?

[Artelutio]

There's this guy, who I've only known since college started in August, that I ended up sleeping with one night after some drinking. It was no big deal – I wanted it, he wanted it. The thing is.. he was terrible in bed, so I decided to cut off future sexual interactions with him. Unfortunately, it seems telling him "no more sexual stuff" doesn't get through to his brain. He's been hitting me up ever since, asking what I'm doing at night, seeing if I can come visit him, asking me to stay up a little longer.. even finding me outside and talking to me as if we're the best of friends. How do I get this guy to chill out? I feel like blocking him will make me look like a bitch, and the same with just not answering. I'm stumped since I've already told him no so many times.

Updates:

[thatguyfromtoronto]

Look, we all do stupid shit, I'm not judging you but when you mentioned you had some drinks and you guys had sex, were you sober? If you weren't sober would you have declined his "invitation" to hook up later?

I hear many girls state things like, "Oh, I regret doing that with that guy because I was drunk", again, I don't know if that's the case here. But you may have to re-think maybe you shouldn't drink or maybe you shouldn't go to as many parties. I guess I am speaking from experience, I am a 31-year-old guy who is focused on finishing grad school, I don't drink, I don't go to parties, I am not a fan of mingling with girls that way and I don't do drugs. I understand your priorities are different as a 20-year-old girl, I'm sure as you get older you will realize to stay away from that shit.

In terms of the guy, if you want him to leave you alone, just tell him in a nice, sincere, non-fake, genuine way, like hey "name _____", we were both drinking, we fooled around and it's one of those things I want to put behind us. I am not friend zoning you, I did something at the time which seemed right but I don't want to be that type of girl in the long run.

You mentioned he was "terrible" at sex, listen, cut him some slack, maybe it was his first time, but girls shouldn't judge a guy based on how well he can perform sex even if it is one of those 1-night stand experiences. I understand a 1-night stand is based on sexual intercourse with no feelings involved but then ask yourself, would you prefer being in a meaningful relationship with a guy or have future issues with other guys you had sex with like this one?

If he harasses you, then yes, block him, but like I said be nice to him and say it in a genuine way like what I outlined. But that means you have to focus on yourself and not those sexual desires. There are two ways I see this, either he's one of those guys who loves sex with different girls or he's one of those guys who had sex with a girl and believes you may be the one for him. If it's #2 then I am sorry but this is a hole a girl should not dig herself in.

Because if a girl does this, then understand it's best not to make yourself available for guys out there. Sex is a serious thing, God forbid, if something fucks up, do you want to pregnant a year from now and still be in school trying to finish? From my input as a guy, Yes, I have sexual urges, but I have to tell myself, no, wait until the right girl comes along.

[Leonidas72713]

I miss college! Its sad to say plenty of college girls throw their virginity out the window on one drunk night in college, most of the time because they just want to get it over with. But it seems like you built it up in your head to be more then what it was. Drunk sex. Its not always pretty and i have to imagine for a virgin could throw you off it. Drunk college guys mostly only care about getting in and off, thats the harsh reality. To me it sounds like this guy is trying to lock in a hook up for the year, being in the same dorm always makes it convenient! But it doesn't appear he's professing his love for you. Maybe he is and you haven't shared that. If he's not however, tell him straight up. Your not gonna be his booty call. If he keeps stalking let him know it would be sad if he got kicked the F out of college for being a sexual predator. And if that doesn't work, you gotta take it up the later and report him to your schools student affairs admin. Your not being a bitch, your protecting yourself and future women from his harassment and ignorance of the word NO. If he is telling you has feelings for you and bla bla, then refer back to what i said before. Just do it in a more personal way that is also firm. But make sure he know that his behavior and actions can have serious consequences and you really dont want that to happen but you need to be able to live your life not feeling pressured and having to look over your shoulder. Take this to heart, learn from this experience and stand tall when you say no. Sorry your first time wasn't awesome. As for the idiots talking shhhit to you, they are the same kinda asshole this kids seems to be.

[mermaidrocketship]

Tread carefully. This guy can't take 'no' for an answer, which means that he's a bit unhinged. You don't want to make already unhinged angry. Even if you don't believe it, tell him that you're not comfortable have a purely sexual relationship with anyone, NOT JUST HIM. Also explain that you don't find the two of you compatible. Say that you feel what happened between the two of you was a mistake, and that you're sorry if feelings got involved. This way of phrasing makes it sound like the nicest cease and desist ever. It makes you vulnerable and puts the blame on the end of this "relationship" on you instead of him. He'll probably say you're a clingy b! tch or whatever, but it's better than saying something hurtful to him and getting backlash. And if he still doesn't leave you alone, most colleges have sexual assault policies that treat stalking seriously. Keep everything he does documented.

[KaseyRouqe]

I had a similar experience, the guy got borderline creepy. We had just started to finally date each other exclusively. But the relationship just wasn't doing it for me. I told him and we tried to work it out, but he went back to being extremely clingy and jealous. After we broke up, he wouldn't stop following me around, texting me, waiting outside my condo. I tried to be really patient, but it came to the point when I had to, not so politely, make him leave and said that if he kept it up I would involve the cops. If it gets too much, you should probably tell him that. That ought to make him leave you alone.

[lumos]

Honestly if you've already told him that you're not feeling it and that you don't want anything to do with him anymore, at this point I'd say blocking him is fair. You could tell him one last time "look dude, I just don't think this is cool anymore and I'd like for you to leave me alone". Then block. If you've already told him multiple times to back off and he hasn't, then I don't see why you shouldn't block him. Who cares if he's going to think you're a bitch, you are not obligated to treat him nicely anymore since he's completely disregarding what you've told him.

[looneymalooney]

depends how you told him that I guess.
I remember being at a party and this guy was simply telling my back then crush to go to the bedroom with him.
She wasn't saying no, she was simply : "let's hang around a little longer".
And he was sitting right next to her and every other 5 minutes he would simply ask her to go. (They weren't together or anything at that point)

Looking as an outsider and at the same time having a big crush on that girl (stupid me) I came up with the following options (trying to explain what the hell was happening):
- she was taken by surprise by his request and did not realize her actions made him believe she would sleep with him. So her "let's stay a little longer" was actually "leave me alone, I don't want to sleep with you".
(Though I kind of doubt that because she was quick on her toes and always capable of delivering a reply if required).
- she wanted it, but not quite at THAT specific moment.
- she wanted it, but I was there.

Painful shit to watch, but hey.

Anyhow, what I'm trying to say with this little story of mine is that I believe you are not making it clear enough. "no more sexual stuff" might make him believe you caught onto some feelings for him and want to first get to know each other before getting back to having sex.

Just put your foot down and explain to him what you have explained to us: you two were a bit drunk and horny and you used eachother for sex and that a relationship or any kind of friends with benefits relationship is out of question.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Key word is DRUNK! You failed him. You aren't even remotely giving him a chance. You're a cruel user. He feels terrible guilt, and is trying to make things right, and at least salvage a friendship. You, on the other hand, are also consumed with guilt. But you are trying to suppress it, and shift blame. You are trying to play the victim, even as you took his heart hostage and are cruelly dangling it over a volcano.

You are a coward. I've met women like you before. No honor. Block him if you must; the joke's on you. Because you will never be able to run from yourself.

[AriesMan]

Well, if this guy was great in bed, would you think differently of him? Being sexually inexperienced isn't an excuse to be nasty to a guy if he becomes sexually attached, like I do, and craves your body and ONLY your body, once more! So, again, if you made a mistake with drunken sex with a guy who was good, would you not even be complaining?

To answer your question, since I can relate to this guy, tell him to stop trying to have sex with you and do him a favor by being brutally honest, tell him the sex was bad. Piss him off so that he will seek out another girl who will orgasm with delight because she too is sexually inexperienced or her vagina is meant to be stimulated by his penis better than it was for yours. Does this help, any? Don't give guys hints, just be brutally honest! In being cruel, you inspire us guys who feel inadequate to improve ourselves or find some other girl who is physically satisfied by us.

[Friendlyexperienced]

I'm sad to say, I've been that guy. I was going to suggest you give him second chance because, in my experience, first time is often not "best". Since you're not into him, unless you're open to being only friends, it's important you cut him off asap (if you continue to lead him on, thing's could get worse). If you're open to being friends, & as it seems from your messages you have big heart & may want to make difference for him dealing with women in future, I suggest you have conversation about you being drunk, why his performance wasn't good, & his attitude is making you uncomfortable (be specific, like scares you, offends you, or whatever it is).

[Norsie]

I would venture to guess he's been sexless for quite some time.
You were his first in awhile and believe it or not a majority of guys are shitty in bed, but they get better the more they do it. Girls are generally always shitty in bed with the exception of a few cool ones. So think on this, if you are the first he's had in a long time and he could be progressively getting better why cut off contact?
Choose either to cut contact... which his perception of you shouldn't really matter to you at this point otherwise you wouldn't have asked this question.
Or set ground rules, go out on dates, you know to the beach, a nice hike, dinner, murder or movies. You got options.

[Euph0ria]

Be straightforward and blunt AND still be polite.
Tell him that while you enjoyed being intimate with him that night, and you don't have any regrets about it having happened, that you're really not interested in pursuing an intimate relationship. If he persists, you might want to reiterate that you're not interested in him in that way, and/or that you're simply not ready for a relationship with him like that, and that if he doesn't stop trying to pursue you that it will jeopardize your friendship with him, and that you don't want that, but he needs to stop. You've given him straightforward information. If he still persists, then you're well within limits to block/ignore/file a restraining order/whatever... him and be done and over with it.

[ciitruskiwi]

Who cares if he thinks you're a bitch for ignoring him? It's his fault for having such a thick head that telling him straight up doesn't help. If he says "why did you stop answering, you're a bitch", you reply with "I tried telling you straight up but you're too thick headed to get it through your brain"

[ladsin]

Tell him that you no longer want to be with him sexually, and that if he can't accept that you can no longer continue conversing with him at all. If he continues to do so you can then cut him off entirely. If he starts trying to find you and harass you, thenutilize your legal recourses

[Walrus_au]

If you've laid it out in plain English and he's not getting the hint, then you will have to pull the 'bitch card' to get the message across - might as well have some fun with it.

but before you do. Maybe consider that he got the message but wants to try to change the possibilities? (not saying you should or shouldn't consider that, just look at things from a few angles before taking drastic action.)

[FreshOutaIdeas]

LOL

Once bitten, twice shy I see...

That's why you don't bang fuckbois and clingy saps, they're usually sloppy motherfuckers... But they'll still brag aftwerwoods...

Yet I might add, that you women are the first tom cry when your not getting "enough" attention from the silly sausages you actually wanna get your claws into...

[SongBird3]

Just tell him you're lesbian
Lol jkjk
But real talk, just state your case and say "listen I don't want to do anything with you if you want to be friends that's cool but this is not gonna continue any further"
And if that does not get them to stop then just simply block him. It's not being a bitch if the person is harassing you. And if the person tries to talk to you just simply ignore them

[Cmasterson]

You just have to be firm and tell him that you no longer want contact with him. Sometimes you have to be a "bitch" if someone literally isn't getting it- you aren't trying to be but its frustrating, no need to make yourself stressed out over someone else who doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

he sounds clingy if he can't take a hint tbh

but just tell him over and over till he gets it. if it seems like he'll never get it, then just straight up ignore him. when a girl ignores a guy purposely, guys generally think she's lost complete interest or doesn't want to talk to us anymore. so, you can just ignore him and then it's solved

and to you it might seem like a really "bitch - like" thing to do, but honestly it's not. if there's absolutely no way of getting through to him that you don't want sexual interactions with him anymore, you don't have to block him, but just ignore him and if he asks why you're ignoring him, he'll probably be willing to listen and then tell him "no more sexual interactions" or whatever you want to tell him

[Frosteh]

You have to be brutally up front with people like that, to their face, not over phone/txt, tell them you feel uncomfortable and you don't want the attention, and that it's not going to happen again.

If you don't firmly put your foot down he won't take it seriously and keep persisting. If he still doesn't get the picture then it might be worth distancing yourself from him, people who are real friends respect their friends boundaries.

[Browneye57]

Poor decisions and the fall out. Some hard lessons eh? And why casual encounters aren't very satisfying.

Just tell him to fuck off - it's over, you're not into him. Goodbye.
"No more sexual stuff' is simply not direct enough. You have to be clear you never want to see him again. And then block him and never have contact again.

[ThisDudeHere]

At this point, why do you care of his perception of you? If he doesn't get the memo and blocking is the only option, what he thinks of you will no longer be your problem.

[QueenofCups]

Take him aside and tell him quietly that you are not interested in him and if he doesn't leave you alone you will report him to the Dean of Students. Maybe you're bluffing, maybe you're not. He won't know the difference.

[Prof_Don]

How is he supposed to know your personal quirks and turn-ons sexually, after ONE time being with each other? So ridiculous.

[Fuentes]

Lol im not getting it? He was drunk so he was bad in bed? I didn't know i was flawless off sex when im gone of henny or daniels or ciroc lol maybe you guus were just buzzed then? I mean ots your choice but to call someone horrible in bed when your drunk is like... lol

[NYCQuestions1976]

So I'll take a crack at simplicity: You're looking to improve your one-night-stand skills. Easy enough. We can have at it and I promise you'll never hear from me again. You're welcome. 😉😂