When guys start to act distant should you reach out or let it go?

I've been seeing this guy for some time now but he hasn't spoke to me in a few weeks which is very unusual. The last time we spoke we weren't on the best of terms. Should I reach out or let things go? I can't seem to shake this guy. I really want to fight for it but my pride keeps telling me if he's showing a lack of interest then forget about him. I miss him but I feel him drifting away. Im skeptical about reaching out.. I don't want to cause myself any hurt. Yes we've gone on dates and have been intimate if that helps. What do u think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's all about reciprocation. If he can't show you the effort you're looking for then be vocal about it. And if you dont see a change then bounce. You're amazing and you deserve to be treated as such

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    • Awww thank you. That makes me feel better

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    • What he said is true... It all depends on the recognition of the person who loves you.. If he is lacking.., U deserve better... I know it is hard to let off,, as both of u had great moments together,, but as far as Reality goes, the world is getting darker day by day..πŸ˜…

    • Give it a try to ask and be vocal about what u feel. There's nothing bad about trying in the first place

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know how I am and I would just leave him be and move on.

    For you... if you really like the guy and things didn't end well, I would at least reach out to see if you can make things right. Pride may get in the way but at least you can say that you tried. If he comes around then that's great. If he doesn't... it will sting for a while, but at least you can put it to rest knowing you gave it shot. It's better to try and fail than not try and wonder what if. I truly think it would eat you up and hurt more to always wonder than try and not succeed. Just my thoughts.

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What Guys Said 81

  • Try reaching out once or twice at most and move on. Often my friends will go silent and only contact me when they need or want something and I'm dumb enough to go hang out this them and I usually feel used after. Be smart only give him or more or two more chances doll.

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  • Well it seems you both are having a little ego problem. Since we donno what happened the last time, all that I can tell you is it doesn worth ignoring someone just because you two didn end up right last time. You'd lose most of the relationships in your life, if you start doing it.
    Does that mean, you need to swallow your ego? Approaching someone you have disagreed with, do not hurt your ego. Your ego or pride shouldn't be that fragile.
    But yes, if you somehow feel , you both were right last time from your individual perspectives, then you need to respect it. Not only his, but also yours. You shouldn't just swallow it up and give in. It may resolve things temporarily, but it may hurt you both in the long run, if you are looking for one.
    So what's the best way to get back? Ask him for a coffee or meet him on his/your way back from college/office. Grab a sandwitch , sit somewhere, where you will get to see people around you and things will be a bit relaxed. Have a walk and a casual chat. Ask how thibgs are going. But do not talk about the last time. If he brings it up, avoid it, saying something like 'I understand we had a difference of opinion last time. I respect yours, but I still belive in mine. I'm just hoping that we can move on, cz it's stupid to remain stuck on it'. This will break the ice and that's all you two need at the moment, I think.

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    • If things go well again, then probably down the line after a month, you can talk to him on this, if you feel this need to be resolved and can't be left alone. But to have productive discussion, you need rhe right mood and doesn seem like, you two are in one. Having sex when two people are tired or sick is not a good idea, after all. Isn't it?

  • It all depends on the guy. I will say though that if a guy really, really likes you, he will give you a call and try to sort that shit out. Unless he is an extremely prideful guy, than it won't matter how much he likes you. There are so many factors to it. Instead of trying to figure him out, just ask yourself the worst case and the best case of reaching out to him. Obviously you want to resolve the issue, so what is the worst that can happen if you reach out; he still shuts you out and doesn't act like he is much interested in coming to a resolution. The best that can happen; he just didn't know how to get the conversation started but now that you have done that, he is interested in moving past the problem and continuing to see you.

    I say give him a call.

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  • Once you sense a relationship is starting to deteriorate its best to let it go, especially if the deterioration and distancing is on the other end. holding on to a relationship in this state is mentally and physically exhausting and often futile since the partner no long wants to invest in it.

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  • I think you should reach out. My last relationship ended cuz the girl said I was drifting away when I thought she was the one driving away. I'm sure if we talked about things, we would have realized we were both still interested and fixed things. But we both didn't do anything and just created distance cuz we felt the other person drifting. So don't let your pride make you lose a good relationship. Talk to him about what's going on, maybe he has a lot going on at the moment. It's possible he doesn't realize he's drifting, and once you talk to him he'll fix it. Otherwise, you can get closure that he's no longer interested and you can move on and find someone else

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  • If he's worth fighting for, you're going to kick yourself in the ass later if you let him go without trying. Too many women let pride get in the way and refuse to pursue what they want because of some idea that anything worth having is supposed to pursue them.

    Are you a woman who gets what she wants? Or just let it walk away?

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  • Do you want to keep seeing him? I mean REALLY want it? Or is it just infatuation, or pride, or some other bullfuck?

    If you actually want to be with him, reach out. There's no telling what's going on. He could be dealing with something that's got him stressed and he doesn't want to dump any of his problems on you.

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    • Yes I really wanted to keep seeing him. Rarely do I put my pride to the side or even meet a guy I really like but based on our conversation after I reached out to him, I'm just gonna let it go.

    • That sucks, but you made an attempt. That's more than most women can say.

  • If you wanna find out whats wrong ask him about it, but dont interigate him, he'll just close up more. What i mean by dont interigate is use a soft voice, dont sit opposite to him, sit side to side (if you have your head on his sholder it will help) and if he says no, dont say anything just have a little moment of silence. Whatever he ends up saying you need to meet with an open mind and without guessing what he means or Giving advice until he's done talking. If that doesn't work I've got nothing.

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  • Talk to him about it... Be honest about how you feel and let him know... And just ask what he needs xP

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  • Just tell him how you feel and maybe tell him that you want to spend more time with him. If he doesn't understand move on. U have this girl. Don't worry if he says no or doesn't share your feelings. Just move on and find someone who does. I wish u luck ;)

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  • Reach out once. If you care, you shouldn't just assume he's moved on, because he might be assuming the same thing about you. Make sure it's clear that you want it to work, and you want to be close. Once that's explicit, it should become pretty clear where he's willing to go.

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  • Ah pride, the downfall of many a relationship. Reach out. If you're not willing to, then you're not interested enough.

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    • With that kinda answer, she can easily think that he's not interested either since he's not reaching out, matter of pride or not

    • @Kenni truly. But someone has got to make the first move and if both parties believe the other party isn't interested enough then they're just gonna stare at each other for all eternity waiting for the other person to do something. Why wait for someone to do something you can do right now? Empower yourself or be a slave to someone else's decisions.

  • seems not interested, or busy with others...
    I'm a guy so I won't lie to you, if I don't truly love the girl or if I'm not having my worst "long time no action" phase then I won't run after that girl, and would even not give her attention unless she offers a hot unresistable "never experienced before" offer !
    so if he's not interested in you emotionally or sexually then he would of course act like that and you can't blame him for it, at least he is not lying or pretending...

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    • I appreciate your honesty. I feel like he IS lying though. I did reach out to him and he had the perfect opportunity to keep it real with me and tell me he's not interested. Instead he gave me some excuse that I'm not buying. I think it's just a cop out but I'll leave him alone from now on.

    • hhhhh look when you reach out to him he's not gonna say no of course he is a man he would make the best out of it and if you blame him later he will say you reached out for him and he didn't promise you anything and you both are adults bla bla bla...
      don't run after anyone if they're not interested in you or doesn't show the same care cause you'll be used and blamed for it...

  • Reach out most of the time we're waiting for you to show interest not everything is one sided and up to us...

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  • If you love him, there is nothing wrong in reaching out but if your pride matters to you more than your love for him, please stick with your pride. Trust me you don't want your heart and gut ganging up on you and pouring blame on you for shit gone wrong.

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  • If you wanna see him reach out! But if he doesn't reciprocate after 1 or two more tries let it go

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  • My guess is that he as already told you what the problem is but you ignore it. For example you might think something is not important that is important to him. You need to try to not ignore him. It might be very difficult for you to understand the problem. One possibility might be to say you suspect you have been ignoring something important. Try to really listen and tell him you want to try to not ignore the problem. It might not be easy to make him feel safe and comfortable if he has become feeling unsafe.

    He might not really understand the problem. Many years ago a woman made some comments about my body. That could have been okay if she had given me the chance to be supportive of her but instead she blamed me as if I wanted to be like that. It took me many years to understand how much that hurt so most people would probably think I was the jerk. If you can get him to tell you what the problem is then it is very, very, very important to take him seriously.

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    • He's not really opening up to me. I missed his best friend birthday celebration ( I had school, work etc). I offered to buy them drinks before they leave (He said it might not work with everyone schedule but he'll keep me posted. He never did. I had to remind him & that's when he said something like everyone can't meet that day) He just ghost me after that really. When I asked him what's wrong he said it's not me. He's going through a few things. I don't believe him at all

    • I don't believe him because when I tried to see what exactly what was going on he refused to open up πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ So I left him alone. Haven't heard from him since

    • He might have given a lot emotionally and can't give more but logically he thinks that you deserve more. If so then he is very conflicted and could easily not understand what the real problem is.

  • I see u have a bit of love and a lot of soft corner for him. My feeling is ur brain says no heart asks reach out to him. Now my opinion. If he liked u and u feel for him. Reach out. It's ur action that is actually making him confused at the same time he is also making you go mad by giving you the gift of missing him

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  • Reach out as best you can before letting him go if you have to. He might be hiding feelings or something.

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  • Stop worrying. And ask him. Ur going to miss the opportunity. Ask ur self would you try and fail and REFLECT on it or not try at all?

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  • It's not like for you Girls to expect attention when you're avoiding guys. For us it's basically our personal space. If we're distant that means we need some breathing room. I'm sorry if it's a burden sometimes but it's the real deal.

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  • Depends on why he is drifting..
    Something going on in his life he is struggling with?

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    • Yeah he said it has nothing to do with me why he has been distant and he's going through a few things.

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    • Indeed maybe he is going through some issues and needed to stay away even if he did not let you know. Do not push him he may not like it. Give him some time. I learned this lesson from a guy I liked, even though we were not a couple, just Friends but I do like him. Like one year ago I try to be persistent for him and text him often to have a conversation and he thought I wanted a relationship withhim and he did not like me to text him constantly like i was pursuing him, So I learned that I will text him like once each month just to see how he is doing so he feels less pressure from me. and see im not pushing him.

    • @kitty71 Thanks for your input! I reached out to him and he says it's not me. He's been going through a lot. I hope everything works out in your situation as well 😊

  • It's a bad sign, but don't you want to fight for something you want? Contact him suggesting a fun date and see how he reacts. If necessary, do not hesitate to ask if something is wrong and why you haven't heard from him in awhile.

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  • Well, it depends... for many guys that is the signal for the girl to go away in a subtle way, although other guys may just be feeling that they need the girl to reach out to them to let them know she cares, my opinion is try to reach out once, he will straight up ignore you if he's just hoeing around... if he isn't he may come back stronger than ever...

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  • Men like it when women are straight up with them, we also fail to be the bigger person a lot. I'd suggest reaching out to him, he's not going to think of you any less for doing so.

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  • Leave him

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  • For me personally, I dated a girl back in the day and I just lost interest and it became boring. So you have 2 options, 1) Spice things up. Make him want you more then ever 2) Just let it go.

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  • Don't let pride get the best of you

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  • personally, if it took me couple of days and i didn't try to reach back, there must be something holding me (could be lack of interest), id say.. shoot him mesg... check how he's doing.. based on the type of reply you will figure out.

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What Girls Said 36

  • "What if?" is a terrible question to have to ask yourself later.
    Personally, if I were in your shoes Id reach out ONCE. One time, that's it.
    Only you know how and why things were left in a shitty place you last talked. So if it was because you said something that started whatever then you should tuck your pride to the side, suck it up and message him. Not some b. s. "hi" but a real message. You need to kind of put it out there for him. If he messed up, well he's a guy, not too many wanna fess up to being wrong so again suck it up and lay it on the line for him.
    I will say, I'm leaning more to the side of he's not really interested but if you're as interested as you say you are you need to make sure you're not wondering 10 years down the road what life could have been like if you had tried just one more time and he had responded.
    I understand you're worried about getting hurt but you're obviously at least a bit hurt now, if you weren't you wouldn't be debating, wondering and asking this question.
    If you reach out one more time it could turn out well. But even if it doesn't you will know you did what you could and won't have to wonder "What if?"

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  • Reach out to him, I've done it a couple of times too and it's always been successful.
    Sometimes we think and assume too much, and once we find the answer it's completely different to what we had in mind.
    It's better to talk to him and find out why, even if it's bad news, it's better that than to leave it and always be left wondering :)

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  • What if he feels the exact same way as you do? What If he likes you and feels that you're the one who isn't reaching out and he also doesn't want to get hurt?

    My best friend and her boyfriend are like this.. they drive me mad! Lol. They're still really new in the relationship so things are awkward but they both really like each other and they're both super stubborn and feel the other should text first so then they just don't text for days...

    I think you should prepare yourself, throw your pride out the window and open yourself to being vulnerable. Be the first one to speak to him and let him know how you feel.

    Communication is EVERYTHING in any and all relationships.

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  • If it was me, I'd try one more time. If he doesn't respond, that's your answer and it's time to move on...

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  • I guess make a last effort to reach out if he is open to talk and see what's going on so you know if he still interested or not and why he distant, either he lost interest or he has problems he's dealing with. That will give you an answer to let go or not if he still is interested to make it work. If not, have your closure.

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  • I've been in a similar situation. I feel conflicted like you do. I always want to reach out but then I don't want to be weak. My heads says one thing but my heart says another. I usually follow my heart. It worked this time, but bc of the previous time this happened I get some anxiety from time to time. Good luck :)

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    • Aww hugs πŸ€—. What happened with your situation when he was acting distant?

    • Aww thanks :) well we used to talk for hours, he'd always call or text, or vice versa. Then, he wouldn't answer, text, it'd get later and later. He'd always have an excuse. Stopped wanting to come over... said I lived too far away (45min wasn't a problem before), too far from his friends and family. He had to do his laundry, take out trash, um.. he was shopping. Tons of excuses. I called him out every time cause it isn't right. He said there's nothing and he hasn't changed. I'd say okay. But come to find out a 'friend' who is a girl whom he's had sex with in the past was over literally anytime I wasn't around. He's been an ex now for 9 months. Still tries to tell me he loves and misses me.

    • Smdh I'm glad he's an ex. You deserve so much better than that. I think my guy is probably seeing someone else too hence the reason he's acting distant. I don't know if I buy the excuse he gave me.

  • Girl I just wanna say 2 weeks is a lot. It happened to me too, and when I finally managed to put my pride aside for a minute and texted him, I didn't like the cold and force feeling that his message was emanating , so I stopped reaching out. And since he never did either I guess I got my answer.

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  • 1) Γ€ Guy who likes you wouldn't play these game!
    2) he using you as back up or plan B

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  • Omg I feel your pain. I'm in two minds about doing the exact same thing. My mind keeps ticking over, do it don't do it. I'm so scared of the what if, if he will ignore me, reject me, I know I'll be so hurt, but the what if is playing in my mind and I can't stop thinking about it.

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    • Just do it! You'll have your answer whether he ignores you, responds, rejects you or wants to continue everything. I did it and I got my answer.

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    • Oh gosh u sound like me πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ You deserve better. I deserve better. Why do we settle? Smh. The funny thing is I didn't even want to give him a chance at all in the beginning. Eventually he convinced me he would not hurt me so I guess I was sold. But now he just disappear and refuse to really tell me what's going on. (Not even a "I'm no longer interested" although apparently that's the case) . But u know what someone told me? When it comes to guys we have more power than we think we do. Don't give them the power to hurt you. Learn to let go and move on. Don't think of the "what if I did this or said that" Just move on if he's not giving u what u want. Don't make excuses for him. Let him go. I hope u find the love and happiness you so deserve😊

    • I don't get it, I don't think I'll ever get it. They all suck in their own little way!!! And I seem to attract them all

      I told him that's it for me, I'm done, and good luck.

      I stupidly met up with another guy I was seeing...

  • If you didn't last speak on good terms, maybe it's an idea to start with that. Be like, hey, I know things weren't good between us but I'd like to talk and start over if possible. Or something like that. I'm sure he'll let you know either way.

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  • Will you really spare yourself hurt by not reaching out? Not knowing? Why not reach out to know one way or the other what's to come of this relationship.

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  • I'm into the idea of reaching out. Because at least I know I did my part but let go if I don't get a positive response.

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    • I put my pride to the side and spoke to him. He gave me a BS excuse. I'm not buying it. I think it was just a cop out but I'm not gonna bother him ever again.

  • Pride can get in the way, you don't want to think back and wonder "what if". I would try to talk to him, if he is going through something, offer to be support and let him know your are there. That might make a difference.

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  • Yes you should ask him what is going on. It's not fair of him to leave you in the dark about this. Maybe ask him out to a restaurant, and then you two can discuss this over dinner.

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  • I would say you should reach out to him, you never know he may be feeling exactly the same but is just unsure what to do. its been a few weeks anyway so if he needed time you've given him some. If his reaction is rejection then itl hurt but its better than always wondering what if. If you really want him put aside your pride and contact him otherwise youl never know. He may just be waiting for you to contact him.

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  • Maybe he has some personal problems he does not want to tak about and the reason for him driffing away?

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  • Reach out. Maybe he's going through something. Maybe he wants to see if you'll put in the effort too

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  • You need to talk to him about it, if you don't, you will eat yourself alive. trust me.

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  • Talk it out and if that doesn't work out let it go.

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  • If I was you I'd drop him a text like hello stranger! Keep the message light and fun. If he responds with a nice comment back then start pursuing again. If not then let it go. Definitely drop him a text message before giving up.

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  • Reach out

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  • Reach out to him & if he still seems uninterested then drop it

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  • reach out but if they don't have the initiative to do the same then let go

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  • If he's showing a lack of interest, my instinct is to just run

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  • Let go!!!

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  • Let go

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  • Don't bother if he likes u he'd be all over you

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  • Let go and if he misses you he will be back then it will be your decision to stay or move on

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  • Let go

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  • I say let it go but that's just me :)

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