I went on holiday and he had sex with his ex?

I've been seeing this guy for like 5 months we both come out of quite serious and long relationships (around 6 years) so we don't want to rush getting into a relationship. We still both talk to our exes as friends. Before I left to go on holiday he told me he loves me and that he'll wait for me and that he's going to miss me etc

I went on holiday with a couple of guys & girls (he kept making little digs about me going away with guys) and while I was away I made a joke about having sex with one of the guys (we alwayssss make jokes like this with each other) but I think he felt about insecure and jealous about it.

Anyway when I got back he told me that he slept with his ex (a day after I made that joke)

I haven't really spoken to him since and I don't really know how to react. Obviously he's single so he can do what he wants but at the same time he told me so much amazing things before I left.

It's really messed with my head. I'm on here just to vent right now but any advice would be appreciated x


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What Guys Said 16

  • This is why guys cannot be friends with women, and why you should cut contact with an ex.

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  • Need to move on! Not worth the heart ache.

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    • My advice as well. He will not be faithful to you. Move on, now.

  • 1. Was it a joke? ( based on the manner in which you play with one another)
    2. He may have took you serious in that regard.
    3. Was the trip filled with singles? Or couples?

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    • The conversation was like this:
      him: 'don't do anything stupid'
      Me: 'like sleep with a ladyboy' (I was in Thailand at the time)
      him: lol yeah or Daniel (one of the guys)
      me: lol nah I tired him out last night 😉
      looking back it doesn't sound great but we literally have them kind of joke all the time. But maybe he took it serious.

      And there was one couple and two singles

    • Otay you have all right to feel hurt in the essence of feeling important... but understanding is needed claim what you want in the eyes of men sex is overrated and has the tendency to separate sex from emotion. So he more then likely meant what he said but it’s more of a mental connection there

  • Unfortunately people change and words are words one of my exs told me i was first bloke ever she really feel in love with and wanted to last...5 days later she broke up with me so with your new ex he had hea ex still on he's back pocket to do something like this as doubt would of clouded he's mind moment you left kinda sole searching or something

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  • Have sex. with his ex too, that will mess him. up

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  • I've been in the same situation. 6 year marriage. Then that didn't work. With a new relationship making those kind of jokes is something you shouldn't do. And tbh you should not be friends with your ex. You need to cut that person out of your life. You can't be friends with someone you shared so much with. there's to much there. And that person is in the way of your other future relationships

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  • How do you know he wasn't joking?

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    • Mainly because It's the way we joke my one was like 'oh I've worn him out tonight😉'
      And he was just like 'yeah I slept with her'

      If he was joking he would've said by now because he hates me not talking to him.

    • OK, I suggest you both stop joking about screwing someone because even though you're both joking, what this does is create a feeling, a thought like "what if she/he is cheating?" Now if he really did cheat? You have to make your own decision on that. Everyone would handle that differently.

  • You did make a joke first!

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    • Yeah a joke. Which we make all the time.
      I didn't go and have sex with someone else

    • I'm an online troll. What do you expect.

      You did make a joke first!

  • ... You didn't do anything on your trip?

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    • Nothing at all. I didn't even look at another guy, I was thinking about him the whole trip

    • Hmmm.. OK. But don't say stuff like that anymore , those jokes could be taken seriously and your ex cannot be your friend. Some people keep them as back up just for sex is all.

  • I would not be comfortable with someone I'm dating going on a coed vacation without me.

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    • I get that. But the holiday was booked before I even knew him

  • Because he should not have gotten into another relationship so soon after he got out of a bad one.
    And he didn't have the integrity to be straight up with you or with himself.

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  • He probably made a joke about it too.

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    • That's what I honestly thought but he saw the way I reacted and he would by now tell me it's a joke

    • That's true...
      Damn, sorry that it had to happen to you, at least you know he has feelings for his ex. You'll find yourself a better man.

    • Yeah, exactly
      Thanks 🙂

  • May b he is also trying to make u jealous... !!! What u think

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  • Leave his ass you're worth more than that

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  • It because he thought you was playing, so he played too.

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  • That's what GAG is for... venting. No questions actually are answerable, it's just to complain

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What Girls Said 9

  • He sounds like he has the world's most pathetically fragile ego, and weak willpower to boot. You made a JOKE, a type of joke you maintain as a common one between you too, but he probably saw this joke as an excuse to fuck other people because then he can "blame it on you".
    No matter what he felt, any man or woman who cheats and then blames it on their partner is absolutely worthless. If their partner was SUCH a problem they should have left to begin with, not used them as a safety net.

    Long story short he is absolutely in the wrong and you dodged a bullet. If someone doesn't trust you enough to let you go on vacation without fucking other people then they shouldn't be with you at all.

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    • From a guy's perspective... this is absolutely true. He's insecure, so a joke like that made him think he had to beat you to the punch and fuck someone else. At the same time, he knew he could blame his actions on your joke, and thus on you. Pick a more confident man, I would say.

  • I think there are a fair few learnings here, even if he isn’t the man for you going forward, that would have entirely prevented the situation.
    5 months without locking down exclusitivity is too much. You develop feelings, and attachments that while neither of you may want to name just yet, they’re there after 5 months of dating. Saying “I love you” but being single? What?
    Going on a holiday with other men then joking about fucking them isn’t appropriate and will leave intent open to interpretation. What is there to gain by this kind of statement? If you haven’t discussed being exclusive then joking or not, it plants the idea that sleeping with another is fine by you.
    Lastly, friends with the ex. I get that you’re both quite young (if your age is correct) but as this has obviously pointed out it’s just an easy temptation having them around. If people are serious about moving forward with someone else they should be leaving them behind to do so, not carrying them along as a just in case. Very, very rarely does it work long term yet people these days seem to hang on to it because “bff” when it’s just not how it works.
    I get that this totally sucks for you, and neither of you have done anything inheritantly wrong just made a few little errors in judgement along the way that has led to you feeling hurt which is understandable given the circumstances. Sometimes we just have to learn from what we could do better next time, even when we aren’t the instigator of hurt. Hope you can sort it out with him if you feel he’s worth it 😊

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  • He still has feelings for his ex and used you saying that as an excuse to act. Sorry but I’ve been there, he doesn’t love you. Run fast, run far.

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  • I don't understand how he can say he loves you if this is casual, nor how he could sleep with his ex at the first opportunity if he loves you.

    Personally, I would just end it to avoid the complication. If he slept with his ex, they aren't just friends. He sounds messy.

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  • I wouldn’t trust him. You were totally open and yet he arranged a booty call? He is either afraid to be alone, not over her, or doesn’t trust you. None of which is great for you.

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  • It was a bad joke you said. I think that was a lesson to you to understand that in the future don't joke with things like that.

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  • it your fault for saying you had sex with one of your holiday companies. he is just hitting you with payback for fxxking around on him

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    • We joke all the time, it's nothing new

  • You need to have a discussion. Ask him if what he said was a joke or not. Let him know you were kidding.

    The decision is up to you. Seems like you really like him. If you can move past him sleeping with his ex I’d say go for it. But personally someone saying they love me and they’ll wait then sleeping with their ex is definitely not love or respect. I’d move on. It’s not worth the stress

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  • He ain't into you and you were used like a tool. Move on honey, he ain't worth it.

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