Ladies, do you really wonder why guys are hesitant about marriage? (look in the mirror)

Hmmm..let's see...

70% of divorces are initiated by women...(sure some are probably due to abuse...but can that really account for the disparity? there's no way)

-We have more to loose. You get the kids ( except for every other weekend and Wednesdays yea , its like being a second class parent)

-Outrageous child support payments. Basically we got to foot a bill for kids but get limited involvement in their life...

So, if you wonder why guys are too afraid of commitment, look in the mirror and you'll find the answer.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow you went right to town. Bashing the entire women population! First of all I'm getting pretty sick of people pointing blame at the opposite sex on most of these topics. It women that cause divorces? Um how can you say that have to talked to every single divorced person. I think not . Its 2010. People its time to get it in your heads that these relationship problems such as divorce does not have anything to do with a specific gender. Stop generalizing.

    This isn't even a question your just venting about women.

    Why can't anyone understand whether we are male or female. WE ARE ALL PEOPLE. And every issue we have in a relationship with the opposite sex. Is unique to that couple.

    A guy cheats on me or plays me does that mean that all guys are like this NO! It means this specific PERSON was like this. I'm so sick of listening to guys bitch and complain because girls make all guys out to be assholes and cheaters and players then go and do the same thing! Stop being a hypocrite! stop blaming a gender on stupid sh*t like this. I

    Your basically saying that all women are the problem. Well I'm sorry to tell you but you argue that guys are all different and have different views what makes you think that all girls are the same.

    So, before I write a novel here just wanted to put it out there. WE ARE ALL PEOPLE as I previously stated stop stereotyping women! Stop Stereotyping Men. and finally YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR! Its about the PERSON you are NOT the GENDER. Good day! :)

    • number don't lie so calm down lady

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    • 1) Why are most divorces initiated by women then? If "we're all people"...why is one gender seem so much more willing to divorce?

      2) Regardless of whose "fault" divorce still get screwed in court all the time. That's just a reality.

      3) This question is dirceted art girls that whine about how guys "lack committment" I'm explainign why guys have a right to standoffish when it comes to marriage...They have more to loose..and ttheir wife is more likely to divorce them against their will

    • Ok, and I addressed that issue in the question...yes men are usually the abusers...but if you seriosuly think that nealry all women get divorced because they're abused...ur delusional...I mean 70-30%...u really think that disparaity is explained by abuse? get real.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 13

  • Wow, you sound like a real class act. So divorce is a woman's fault? Sorry, but if a marriage isn't working out, that takes two people to make that happen. Perhaps women are the ones who initiate a divorce because they have children to think about and often think with that in mind. That said, I don't have anything against women or men, though I can't say that about you. You sound like a jaded man with a chip on your shoulder and serious commitment issues. It's well and easy for you to hide behind statistics, I can go dig some up for any point I want to make about anything because real or fake, they populate the internet to support any point of view. I'm sure if I were to start spitting out statistics about the number of women left to care for their children entirely alone who don't even get child support or the number of women who are sexually abused, raped, or assaulted and tried to compare that to the number of men raped or assaulted we can all have a good laugh. However, this is not a gender war. Men and women are both responsible in relationship that don't work out, whoever decides to be the one to initiate a process or not. Two adults are both responsible for their life situations. Personally, I had a father who was never there and my mother had to take care of literally just about everything, the child support payments only came when she forced my father into court because he wouldn't pay and even so they were measely compared to the amount of money she had to save up on her own to give me a good life, on top of every other sacrifice she had to make. But I don't sit there and blame all men for that, I had a lame father. There are wonderful fathers and husbands out there and only a short-sighted ignorant person would generalize and blame other people. If you have a personal issue with commitment or with yourself, go get some therapy and work it out instead of coming on here and trying to start a men vs. women argument, because anyone can turn the tables on that in two seconds. It takes a mature person to overlook differences and find common ground. Plus, your logic is flawed and you are only looking at one side of something. Think about all the wonderful marriages that do work out and people who do find love and happiness. They exist too, believe it or not. Marriage isn't some horrible monster for everyone, it can produce wonderful things and beautiful families. I am also laughing at this 'men have more to loose bit'. Men and women both lose an incredible lot in divorce and given that we live in a patriarchal society so frankly, men will always have more options because of present American culture. Either way, men and women BOTH have it difficult in different ways, I'd never assume the worse about anyone. Posts like this make me so proud to be the person I am, I'd hate to be filled with hate and judgment. What a sad way to go through life.

  • so you guys are afraid already of 'potential consequences' before anything happens?

    well it's great to see that you're truthful.

    but what if the girl doesn't want your money even if you divorced? I dated one guy who said this to me, he was scared of child support. I laughed pretty hard. um cause in my head

    1. we haven't got any kids

    2. I wouldn't want the money anyways ( not trying to be a bitch) but I can support myself

    so...what are the other reasons? because they wouldn't apply to me.

    if a guy divorced or I filed for divorced, I would take care of the kids.

    • 1) its getting to be more the rule than the exception...divorce is rampant and 70% of them are initiated by women.

      "but what if the girl doesn't want your money even if you divorced" XD HAHAHAH!. yea...sure.

      but seriously, you only get to have kids like a few days a month...which means you can't ground them because ull sacrafice the little time you they'll take advantage of you and kno they cna be spoiled brats. I would WANT to see my EQUAL amount of time...

    • The Courts assume The mother is the real aprent and the guy is just an acessory or something. Funny...u don't see the fmeinists going after that...they only want equality when they're getting the short straws.

  • Another uneducated rant reflecting a lack of insight and the fact that the asker has no clue about anything he's talking about. Oh goody.

    Look if you don't want to get married, don't do it. Clearly you don't understand what it's about and why people who do get married feel the need to. You aren't making any groundbreaking statements here. You've barely even strung together a real argument. Just sounds like a little boy whining that's all I hear. Just don't get married or have kids dude. Problem solved for you.

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    • You know what, I could say many things to prove your statements wrong, but you're too stubborn to accept any reason but your own. You need to get your perceptions of marriage out of your head. Perhaps you're just looking for an argument, but I'm not wasting anymore time trying to convince a no-brained twit. Instead, I'm going to spend time with my boyfriend. A committed man who thinks your words are sickeningly arrogant. Hopefully, one day your views will change and you'll find a decent girl.

    • if "decent girl" means a girl eager to abort a baby whenever she deems pregnanct to be inconcvenient...or demands rights but refuses responsilbities, think masculinity is "misguided" and thinks boys need to be feminized...I'd rather stay single...these days the word "decent" and "girl" should rarely be used in the same sentence.

      btw? what stats do you have to prove me wrong? What are men not doing? They are providing for their fams financially, at least more than women are on avg.

  • I think the problem is so many women want to get married, & live the "ultimate dream" & get married too soon. I think marriage is serious, & I don't believe in divorce. If you aren't sure about getting married, don't do it. It isn't some joke, you can just end it like you can a high school relationship. I also think women have the tendency to not see men for who they really are. They fall blindly in love, & once the blindness wares off, they see the guy for who he really is. Sometimes that guy is a real jerk, & those women realize they made a mistake. I believe you make your own bed & you should lye it, instead people just consider divorce a convenience to their imperfect situation. Other women have this delusional view of what their man is, & once he doesn't live up to this fairy tale, they are disappointed. Instead of dumping him, they need to learn to love him for who he really is. I hate to say it, but there is no prince charming, there is no knight in shining armor, & there is no Edward Cullen. Women like to think there is, but they are only hurting themselves by believing this.

    But women aren't the only ones who are delusional. Men have unrealistic expectations of women too, & women can't live up to them. Many men want a beautiful woman, a perfect 10. Only 2% of the population is consider "beautiful," so not every man is going to get that perfect 10. But some men are so stuck in this fantasy, that they let good girls pass them by in hopes of meeting the hot blond who makes their dreams come true. I knew this guy who didn't have any luck with women. He wasn't in good shape, had some bad hygiene, & was very shy. I decided I would give this guy a chance & went on a date with him. The problem was he kept talking about these women who wished he could be with, & I just felt sorry for him. I'm not a perfect 10, but I'm not ugly either. Not to sound conceited, but I just felt like he should have felt happy to be going on a date with me. Needless to say, his attitude ruined his chances with me & he is still stuck in his fantasy world.

    In the end, if people want marriage to work, they have to get over their delusions & make the situation work. Not everything is going to be perfect, that doesn't mean run to the divorce court & call it quits. Good luck & sorry for the essay...

  • That is shallow. My father cheated on my mother and they're now trying to work things out. You say that you have more to lose. Well I can tell you now that one of those things you would lose is RESPONSIBILITY. You'd only have to pay for child support.

    The mother would be left having to fend for herself, like mine may have to. My mum hasn't worked in twenty years because she wanted to raise her three girls well and she puts a lot of effort into being a stay at home mother - it's waaaay more difficult than it sounds! Cooking, cleaning, maintaining the house, looking after the kids. Stay at home mothers really don't get enough credit, I can tell you!

    Imagine the mother getting a job to support the kids she'd be raising alone, having to purchase a house, new furniture and such. Because the mother would be working to support them, the children would also find it more difficult; not seeing their mother as much and they could "fall off the rail", etc. I know my mum is dreading all this.

    Divorce is difficult for both the wife and husband, as well as the children. Next time you state that you men are so hard done by, think about the burdens that woman would have to suffer too.

    Divorce is mutual, and is initiated when one or the other, or even both of the couple, AREN'T GETTING WHAT THEY WANT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP and AREN'T HAPPY. If you aren't happy with something in your life, of course you want to do something to remedy that unhappiness.

    Your statement that females are the reason guys fear commitment is pathetic, and I don't even think that all guys are. My boyfriend sure isn't, nor is my sister's boyfriend, or my other sister's HUSBAND, who are happily raising a child.

    • Give me the responsbility! I would want my children. Btw..divorce is not mutual...women are resposnbiel for 70%...i know men that didn't want them while their wife through them out nd sucked them for every penny and hour with the kids. O, I'm sry women aren't 'happy"..tough! Women have rights...MEN have responsbilities.. women just want entitlement to everything...just a bunch of bloodsucking succubi.

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    • a decent girl would admit that women have a problem and are causing more than their share of marriage troubles. Most girls are sexist anyway...boys are failing in school but they still think girls deserve all the scholarship funds and improvement campaigns. they speak against female genital cutting but praise lorena bobbit as a hero and giggle at the "teeth" I'm not gonna just accept things to get a girl.

    • i'd rather stay asinlge all my life than have anything to do with the feminist minded girl of today...eager to abort my baby if its deemed inconvenient for her to be prego, teach boys that masculinity is essentially flawed...etc...not worth it at all.

      i mean if push comes to shove and I think I need a wife (really big if)...there pletny of conservative minded Christian women...i'm an atheist but I can always fake a conversion. sol don't worry about me.

  • Let me get this straight... You go into marriage knowing it's going to fail... and then get surprised when it does?! Weird... Let me ask you something... if you go into an amazon river where you know there are piranhas and alligators...will it shock you when you get bit too? Huh...

    The answer to your dilemma isn't the women, it's you! Your mindset is that it's going to fail and this is what's going to happen.

    After you get over THAT, you have to find the right person. It's not just some female thing that makes your slinky go boing! (to use that funky eminem song)

    Yes it's true that there are a lot of sucky women out there, but there are also good ones. Ones who'll stick it out! I mean, it can't be just "old" people that got this right. It's rare, yeah, but not impossible if you just have enough patience to get to know the person.

    Problem is people jump into marriage waaay too fast. They bonk in what? like a week of knowing each other...and a year later if they're not married god, something's wrong with you! Nooooo... totally wrong!

    In a year you kind of know who they are... in two years you sure as heck know, I would think... if by then you have doubts, well, then let them go and find a new one... Marriage shouldn't get jumped into because she (or you) has issues with fairy tales. That's just stupid.

    • btw, I told my current boyfriend that if we had a kid HE would have to take it or it'd go for adoption, so see, it's not always the women who want the kids, it's that we get stuck with yeah, you have to pay because chances are your child support is low compared to what it REALLY costs to raise a kid.

  • You do realize you are basing your theory on the idea that guys believe that their marriage will not work before it even begins right? you really think that's why guys hesitate to get married, because they actually think things through? since when and on what planet does that occur... sounds like you know exactly what would happen if you got married and the woman you chose just decides she doesn't want to be with you! glad you have some kind of self realization built into that brain of yours.

    • to a large extent yes...why would guys invest time and energy into something that they see blowing up in their father's and other men's faces? I for one know that I probably won't get married unless the courts are finally fair to men.

  • no. I don't plan to marry. never saw the point.

    (just a side piece of info. my mom left when I was 3 & dumped 4 kids on my dad so she could get her phd. he was really young & had to put school on hold to take care of us. she didn't. she finished. )

    • Well that's ok...this really isn't directed at you..I just get sick of girls that whine about guys not wanting committment and no realizing why the idea of marraige can be intimidating for guys. Sry to hear about her dad..I know of other situations similar to that goes overlooked. People like your father should really be appreciated.

    • He is =))

      lol thanks :)

  • dude really? hahahaha wow ! lies right there fersure not real talk!

    • o yea..don't try to put forth an arguement of any kind to any of my points...u sure showed me.

  • i'm hesitant about marriage too. women divorce once they are fed up. men have the old saying "it's cheaper to keep her" meaning they'll stay in an unsatisfactory relationship, cheat, treat the wife however since they don't want her anyway, but not leave because of money. I would rather get a divorce than stay in a miserable environment.

  • wow this is probably one of the most sexist things I've heard. We women would actually have more to loose. not all men would help a women with children and how many men would want to marry a women with children. in my oppinion men are just commitment phobes. Some just need to man up and take a risk. That's what the girls are doing too.

  • I agree with the Cheshire cat. I think the problem iwth women is that we've been dreaming of marriage for our entire lives and have some fantasy about with it will be like. Then, we're so eager to get moving with our fantasy that we want marriage when it's not really right. Now enough being hard on my sex. Seriously you have to pay child support because you're not the one taking care of them. And do you honestly believe that the mothers aren't shelling out money to take care of them too? Maybe she got custody because she was the better parent and was used to staying home with them more. And not trying to sound or be critical, but you sound like you're just bitter about a situation in your own life.

  • I don't understand your question. In fact, there isn't really one here. You just wanted to make an outrageous statement that would get a lot of attention on this site.

    • I was asking how women can justify their opinion that men are the more non-committed gender. btw...none of that makes me wrong.

What Guys Said 3

  • No, not really. I'm actually going to stick up here and claim most guys are douchebags and are just flat out afraid of commitment, because they know they'll probably get tired of the girl in the end and want some new pussy. 70% of divorces are initiated by women because they're more prepared for commitment than the men are most of the time.

    • not true at all

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    • @ crimson petal: you're argument is incorrect. You should do something reading about women's sexual behaviour. Then you'll find out that it's actually women who are biologically wired to mate with as many men they can, because women are scientifically proven to NEED variety of men, to satisfy them sexually. It's very rare for one man to be able to satisfy a woman 100%. Women cheat more than men. It's not publicised, but lots of women end marriages because they aren't sexually satisfied.

    • When a man cheats, he is motivated by his desire to pursue another woman. It's the act of pursuing, thrillseeking that satisfies the man. When a woman cheats, it's purely the sexual. The woman is motivated by her desire to be satisfied sexually.

  • Excellent points, I don't know if it is the whole story, but there is some logic behind your arguments.

    • there are amny factors...but I think these do stand out as some possbile large contributors

  • I don't knw if its so much being hesitant about marriage, but having kids in general yeah. Hear in Az, if a guy doesn't pay his child support you go to jail, and you don't get out until you pay. Catch 22. Men Cheat as well as woman, but to some degree, a man looses a lot at the end.