Is it really timing or am I having the crap taken out of me?

Okay..
So met this guy about a year and a half ago. All was well, went on multiple dates which he paid for (still feel bad), went on days out together (again, he paid) and all that. However, come 9 months into all this he's taken a step back and been so apologetic but he can't do this right now, says he does want us to be together one day, but now isn't the right time. He's freelance/part time whereas I work part time and I'm also a student.

In between this I had a scare and I was worried about telling him, but when I did he was wishing I'd told him sooner so he could help me ease my anxiety. He knows exactly how to help with it, even though I've barely mentioned it to him.

I genuinely have not felt this way about anyone. Despite the length of time, I still feel there's something there, on my side anyway, but I don't want to ask him or say anything in case he just makes a fool of me.

What do I do? Should I tell him and find out what's going on in his head or should I just keep it to myself and see if the feelings eventually go?

Either way, this f---ing sucks. I'm missing the him shaped piece in my life, he's what I've been looking for this whole time.. 😭
Is it really timing or am I having the crap taken out of me?
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