How do I get over a guy that is completely bad for me?

so we were long distance with no label and we met up a few times last summer. I knew from my gut instincts he was bad for me as he seemed just a bit too forward at first and he was only into me for sexual stuff as he never talked about other things and he asked for nudes only a matter of days after our first conversation. although despite this he was very nice to speak to and he introduced me to his friends and family and we went on day trips together. Since I returned home I felt like his requests were getting crazier as time went on as he wanted me to video myself peeing and play with myself. He even wanted me to get with my friend and record us together. I have been off and on with him throughout the year and he claimed he wanted something serious with me and I even offered him to just be causal fun if he didn't want to be serious but he said he would want something more... anyway I also said I would come over to visit him again and recently he said he was going off all social media for a while and he said that I can send over sexual vids/pics on dropbox. I just dont know about this guy
Updates:
I blame myself for not listening to my gut instincts when I visited him the first time. I should if been more cautious as I was staying at a guys house in a different country which was so stupid as is a stranger. Plus he asked me to shower with him 2 days into it and sleep in his bed. I declined tho. I started to get feelings for him which made it extremely difficult to leave him even though I was treated badly as he would be moody if I declined sex. Which makes it worse I lost my virginity

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Simple
    Just ignore and delete everything
    And tell urself you fucked up... it is ur mistake fully.

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    • Yes, I blame myself completely I was the one that ignored my gut instincts when I visited him that something was off. He he asked me to shower with him 2 days into the visit and sleep in his bed for me that was too quick. Ohwell I guess I got feelings

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    • I haven't dated a lot but it has made me wiser. Maybe I'll meet someone that is normal and actually doesn't lead me on. Hoplefully

    • Just ok

  • Please, please run away from this guy before you get hurt. Block him or do whatever you needed to to cut him out of your life and then go flirt with the first guys you come across just to feel someone else's attention if you need to to just lessen the effect of whatever is attracting you to him.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Im not sure how you fell for this scum who's clearly using you to begin with, but everytime you think of him, remind yourself of these two shitty things:
    1. "he said that I can send over sexual vids/pics on dropbox" - so he wanted to leave you for a period of time but made sure he could greedily have access to sexual content of you so he could wank away without actually needing to deal with you.

    2. "his requests were getting crazier as time went on as he wanted me to video myself peeing and play with myself. He even wanted me to get with my friend and record us together." HOOONEEEY, WAKE UP, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU, HE WANTS HIS CREEPY DESIRES FULFILLED. Ew.

    Lovely, pleeease listen, you deserve better than this. I dont know who has tpld you otherwise or if you just have thought of yourself so lowly in your life, but this is not what you need. You deserve way better.

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    • I kind of judge it's because of his looks. Both men and women fall for it.

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    • @Unit1 your right I was blinded by his looks and he seemed like the perfect guy at first I am an idiot. O have blocked him and it is helping me to forgot this nonsense

    • Voila. I actually guessed it.
      It's unsurprising to me.

      Anyway good, that i could help in some way.

  • This feels like something that has distorted part of your way of thinking... your mind is telling you carefully this guy is “no good”. To me... this won’t be a lasting relationship in the least because something in a sort of matter is going to be kept asked of you that maybe you don’t want to partake in... someone that actually loves you has a good measure of self control and respect for the person, the people they are around, their family, and let’s not forget, themselves... think carefully about what it is you actually want in someone and set proper standards for yourself,.. do you personally and realistically believe this guy can provide for you not just “happiness” (which gets widely misunderstood) but things you both will need in the future?

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    • Could you see this as something long term? Are there ‘red flags’ that i see in things and ‘why’ do i question them? Get to know what you want in a ‘man’ being more than there for you and you doing the same for them. You’ll know what you want in the long run after too. This that’s going on right now isn’t healthy..

    • You are right this is terrible it's just me sending nudes and him disappearing for days. He will Some times throw in the "How are you" just to keep interested. No wonder he has no friends

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 40

  • Never give nudes to a man you are not married with. He may use them against you and blackmail you. I'm sorry this happened to you but you need to take a hard look at what type of individuals you are attracted to and what kind of men you continue to keep in touch with. I am guessing you may discover a pattern of what kind of guys you go for, so change something and break free from that cycle. You deserve better than this

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    • I think he just pretended to be into to me so I could send him nudes. He rarely talked to me and he would say how I was here and there just to keep me interested nothing more. doesn't have a real friend group and seem to have problems with everyone. His flatmate rarely came and avoided being in her own place... he even said he gad issues with the one vefore that too. When I was visiting him at exam time he asked if i wanted a threesome and got angry when i wasn't comfortable. I lost my virginity to him aswel.

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    • @Cheetah23 thanks I guess I should talked to people instead of keeping it to myself

  • I think you crave the attention he gives you, but that level of attention is extremely intimate and builds over time, not a matter of days, if you want to be seriously hurt continue on your current path. In my opinion you should take some time to yourself, I know it's hard but you have plenty of time for relationships, trust me, there are plenty of guys like this and you're most likely not his only girl, please trust what I say

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    • He wanted me to find another girl and record doing sexual stuff with her. He even wanted a threesome with his one friend he had.

    • Hon, distance yourself, real love puts the other person first without expectations, if he's wanting things that make you uncomfortable then he doesn't love you, it's just infatuation. Love takes time to figure out, and I've figured a lot out.. the hard way. Be cautious with your heart, the person who is meant for you will put you first while asking for nothing, and vice-versa

  • Look, long distance relationships which start as long distance relationships don't have a base strong enough to hold it. He is giving you every reason to leave him alone. Know your worth, even girl deserves better than this. You can text me if you want more detailed answers. Take care, do not fall for his traps.

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  • If he is into you, he won't ask for nudes in first place, and obviously he is using you a lot, as you aren't in any serious relationship with him... if he wants something serious now, it's to get your attention, if you still like him after all the things he demand you of , then plzz try to forget him, directly tell him not interested or try ghosting if you want... And start with a new guy without these complications...

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    • Yeh he was all about the sex for sure

  • Look from my experience with long distances relationships if he asks for vids/pics first 2 weeks or before you know any Truth about him then dont waste your time cause that's all it's going to be about

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    • yeh it has been always been about that

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    • The mask that people wear on there faCe is always hard to make out the truth for that you gotta ask questions about shit u care about

    • Yes, don't be stupid again. It's for your safety

  • At your marked age you shouldn't be asking this question. You have a ridiculous advantage, being a girl in this situation, meaning you'll find more suitable and compatible men faster than any man out there. In my opinion, wether it is a woman or a man asking for nudes, it should be completely ignored. I'm suprised how you let it go on for so long, honestly.

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    • Agreed. Always respect yourself girl , never take something like that from anyone.. always love yourself for you and someone else will love you even more and if he can’t accept that please please I can’t stres this enough there are literally over a billion people on this earth and one is your true soul mate that will love and care and respect you for eternity.. it takes time sweet pee

  • I hate guys like him, i personally love long distance relationships, but a guy like that isn't worth ur time. U might really love him and he might be nice but if he doesn't get what he wants, he will find someone else. I had a friend in the exact situation and i was right. But i can be wrong here tho and yeah i'm only 16 so yeah things are probably different with adulds I don't know

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  • "send over sexual vids/pics on dropbox" lmao.. that's a new one

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    • probably can't send over long videos through snapchat... yeh its crazy I know

    • not what envision when i think of dropbox.. but i could see it happening

    • It's just not normal at all

  • Just talk to good natured people on here I think. Not any desperate guys just looking for sex and definitely not the Asian pervs. Good people can restore your faith in people. Not everybody is shallow & selfish.

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  • You need go with your gut feeling and leave him cause he is showing very bad signs and it could possibly lead toban, unfortunate event for you. The warning signs were there from the beginning, a good man is best for you because they have your intentions and everything in check and is responsible with them.01

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  • Its girls like you, In a years time, Who will spout all the ''I was in an abusive relationship bla bla bla it wasn't easy to escape bla bla bla it was so horrible''. Yet completely willingly put yourself through it.

    And i can't even fathom how people can have sympathy for girls like you. It really isn't this hard... Eugh.

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  • You felt something wrong about him yet you continued engaging yourself with him you have to move on how to it's not that hard when he is that bad this man just want to be sexually active with you and believe me he never look forward in my opinion you dont have to decline your feelings you can direct it in other things focus more about yourself your life step out

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  • It's really sad to hear this but a lot of people told you good things to do after all that, but I just wanna say, in life we fail miserably as humans but WE only decide whether to stay down or to fight back, you're such a strong girl to admit that and you're a strong enough to fight back, so hit it back then.

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  • His requesting of stuff is so overboard!! That's crazy ridiculous and sounds like a crazy toxic guy. You just need to keep reminding yourself about all his bad habits and attributes and use them to repel any advances. Just gotta ghost him and block him.

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  • Sounds like he's pretty mixed up inside and doesn't really know what he's after either. If you want to get over him my best advise is to give it time and dedicate yourself to more things to keep your mind off of him until the feelings begin to naturally fade. Just don't try and force it, it'll only make you think about him even more.

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  • You have to face you made mistakes.
    Then accept them. You can only true to learn from this experience... what I did after a heartache was deconstruct myself so to speak and metamorphosis. I've had to try to deal with my errors and hers, it not easy at all. But I think once you start down a path of accepting and ACTUALLY try to move on it will become easier little by little.

    I've got to wonder WHY you where with this guy? I mean did you REALLY have nothing better going on?
    Was he your dream guy?
    There are elements that don't make sense... I guess I should just answer the question.

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    • P. S. Make yourself hate him.

    • Oh Yes it has helped me to start feeling better thank you

    • You're welcome.

      Just keep reminding yourself how you feel , that you posted this and you're someone who I'm sure deserves better.

  • Just simply remind yourself that he’s “completely bad” for you.

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    • Yeh I shouldn't have to send nudes to him. It's obvious in he constantly is on the hunt for other girls

  • Bad things we like are like drugs - you just want one more dose and again and again. They only viable option will be to distance yourself and keep it together till you can let go.

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  • I don't know cuz my girlfriend is still struggling with it...

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    • Did she have a messed up relationship?

    • Lol I'm saying I'm the guy she wants to move on cuz I'm bad... I said this to several times but she ain't understanding me...

  • Seems like you guys were having fun. Nothing to real "get over" here. If you want to keep having fun, lol keep having fun

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What Girls Said 26

  • Yea you already know the type of guy he is. Maybe he’s just trying to keep up appearance and not make it seem like he’s only into sex but that’s definitely where his head is. If he actually is serious about you and wants something like he says, tell him how his requests make you feel and see how he reacts. If he backs off and becomes respectful maybe there’s a chance but if he stops talking to you then you know your answer. Don’t send the nudes if you have any hesitation about him.

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  • Oh poor girl... sweetheart, it's ok, I was in the same position as you. I lost my virginity as well and I cared so much about my first time. I had a hard time forgiving myself because I felt like I had wasted it and regretted it so badly, I even got depressed. But nevertheless I stayed with this guy (who seemed so funny and sweet and smart at times as well) that i didn't even love that much, but only because I needed his validation, and now I found out only recently that he has another girl in his life as well.

    I'm still dealing with this and what I like to hear from people is that it's ok and that everyhing wil be ok because time heals every wound and patience every heart.

    Don't worry. Even if you choose stay with him, sometimes you need time to figure things out. To find out for yourself if he's really good for you or not. But indeed, your gut feeling and friends and family are usually right.

    It's so hard. So difficult. But once it is all over you will be a lot stronger and a lot wiser.

    Good luck girl. Remember that your family and friendfriends will always be there for you.

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  • Just say no. You can get the attention in a normal relationship

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    • Yeh u shouldn't be a requirement to send naked pictures to him

  • Run as fair as you can before you end up on ID I watch shit like this all the time the shit your experiencing happen in some of this victims.

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    • Oh dear that is crazy to think. I have blocked him now

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    • I have met in person a few times. but i think his requests is too much. Always complained that they were not good enough and he has no friends which i now wonder why. just follows random girls on instgram. wish he was just normal and nicer

    • Ah a real winner huh.

  • I think you already know what you should do, you're just moreso looking for verification. This guy seems like an asshole, honestly. If he's asking for nudes and very... different, we'll say for open-minded sake, sexual requests, when it wasn't even serious to begin with? That's a lot to ask. I'm thinking he only mentioned that he wanted something serious to keep you around, knowing his requests were disrespectful UNLESS he made it seem like a committed, intimate relationship. Sounds like you're better off deleting him from social media like the other chicks he was probably messing with, and moving on. I've been in an abusive relationship, but it was faaar different from anything like this, so I can't speak as to whether it would get there or not. But trust your gut; if something doesn't feel right, that's because it's wrong.

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  • He's disgusting. If he keeps asking for creepy things, especially videos of you peeing (wtf) you need to stay away. You need to listen to your gut. He might seem good but we all know he's bad for you.

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  • I went through a similar situation. It ended badly. Trust your gut, and do like others have said. Block him move on to a better man. They are out there.

    Good luck

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  • cry
    cry till your eyes finally dry out and you're numb and then get back to loving yourself

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    • Yeh I was a strong independent person before him now I'm a complete mess I need to get back to the old me. But I'm thankful I am much wider to avoid such guys in the future

    • Wiser**

  • Don't send anymore vids and pictures he can sell them online. Change his access to your dropbox right now. See other guys and you will not have time to think about all the confusion.

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  • I wouldn't be with that guy, and also be careful with the stuff you send, he probably shows it to his friends or someone else

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  • Divert your attention. Maybe in having some hobbies or work perharps. Avoid this kind of guy. His not good for you. You deserve so much better than this.

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  • Everytime you think about calling him, texting him or contacting him in any way, you write down why he’s an asshole.

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  • U need to use common sense. this is how girls like you end up on 48hrs

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  • I think the only thing you need to do is give yourself time. It's the only way

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  • Sounds like he's a married asshole to me

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    • he's not normal at all. Some of his requests got too far as he wanted me to have a threesome with his friend and other crazy stuff like peeing myself and using a dildo. He obviously got bored when I didn't do them which is a sign he only used me

  • love urself first beforr blaming urself for having a heart

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  • Your completely stupid

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  • Find a different guy

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  • If he's long distance you ghost

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  • Find a new guy

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