anyway he kept telling me nothing was wrong , so i just left it at that. Anyway , i woke up this morning to a 3 page paragraph from him & all i could do was sigh. He told me what was wrong finally! But its still a little tension with us & it just kinda sucks.
I know every guy isn't bad with communication , like i dated a few guys who were excellent at talking shit out. But to the guys who are , terrible at it why? Why can't you express how you feel in the moment , why do you wait days+ to confront the issue?
Most Helpful Guys
It's very simple. I found myself in your description of your boyfriend so I hope answer I gave you will help you.
Your boyfriend is probably an introvert. That means that he experience environment through himself, while extroverts experience environment through others. Introverts take time to analyze things that bothers them and believe me you probably don't wanna know what was all going through his head. When he finished his thinking and he found the solution, he then decided to take the action and tell you his perspective.
I am mix of introvert and extrovert and when problems happen my introvert kicks in. I will always say that everything is ok while in my head there is a tornado of everything. So I take my time to think about why that and that bothers me so much, I am also trying to see things from my partners perspective, then I switch to mine... Believe me it's very long analysis. And there is one thing I always say to all my girlfriends when we get to that stage, that we can't all be the same. For example, your boyfriend solves things in a way that he closes himself for others while he is processing things, and you are type of person that probably is more fluid and direct. And thats fine, if you both are able to accept each other as you are, and not force your wishes onto others. Because this kind of approach in solving problems is core of your characters, that can't be changed. You will just need to trust him that yours love is strong enough that he will not question yours future because of lets say some veebal fights you will have.
If you find that his behaviour puts you on a thin ice, and you feel stressed every time something like that happens, I believe you two should sit and talk openly.
That has nothing to do with bad communication but with collision of two worlds that found something that bothers them in each other. That is where love should kick in.
So, I suspect that your boyfriend was upset/angry and he can't articulate his thoughts well when he's in that state - and in fact, he may struggle to do that at all. By doing everything in writing, he can edit and rewrite and take his time to make sure things are worded properly, and that he doesn't let anger or frustration cause him to lash out or otherwise be mean when he really doesn't want to be.
He may also have a more typically-female trait where he's not even sure how he feels until he has time to think about it (most guys don't need much time, generally, but some definitely do). You, on the other hand, tend to have a more typically-male style where you like to be direct and in-the-moment.
This is who HE is - and it's not right to paint all men with this brush, because most men aren't this way. But part of being in a relationship with someone is accepting who and what they are - and this is who he is. You can either fight it or embrace it and make it work for you.
Most Helpful Girl
In my own experience, guys who are bad at communicating have never really had to do it. They haven't had those long talks with friends and family where they get to process their own thoughts and feelings while simultaneously getting feedback from someone else. They might not have experienced "adult arguing", which really is all about talking things through without hurling insults at each other or raising your voice. They might have been told, either directly or indirectly, that they should just let their own thoughts and feelings bubble underneath the surface because being open is not "masculine" enough, or is a sign of weakness.
My boyfriend is pretty ok at talking things through, but he has a limit when it comes to his own self-awareness and being able to interpret and communicate his own thoughts. Sometimes it feels like I'm pulling out teeth while trying to have deeper discussions with him.
As for your own boyfriend, I think you need to have a talk with him. Sit down with him and pull up the text message he sent you. Ask him why he felt like it wasn't something he could tell you to your face when you were there, asking him what was wrong. Don't let him wiggle his way out of it just because it makes him uncomfortable. Reassure him that you're not trying to grill him, you're just trying to understand his train of thought. Then explain to him that you would rather go through these things face to face, because so many things (such as meaning and tone) can be misunderstood over text. So trying to vent or argue over text is pretty much never healthy or productive, and usually something small that could have been dealt with quickly ends up escalating to something that's unnecessarily big. Don't end the discussion before he understands why trying to "communicate" like that is toxic and destructive.