Why are men so terrible with communicating?

So my boyfriend was like mad or more so annoyed with me a few days ago & i kept asking him what was wrong what did i do & for him to tell me while i'm there instead of waiting until i'm home. (i'm more of a person that like confronting the issue right away face to face, i hate doing shit over text message, & he's more of a person that doesn't know how to communicate and likes holding things in for days sometimes weeks )

anyway he kept telling me nothing was wrong , so i just left it at that. Anyway , i woke up this morning to a 3 page paragraph from him & all i could do was sigh. He told me what was wrong finally! But its still a little tension with us & it just kinda sucks.

I know every guy isn't bad with communication , like i dated a few guys who were excellent at talking shit out. But to the guys who are , terrible at it why? Why can't you express how you feel in the moment , why do you wait days+ to confront the issue?

0|1
817

Most Helpful Guys

  • So, I suspect that your boyfriend was upset/angry and he can't articulate his thoughts well when he's in that state - and in fact, he may struggle to do that at all. By doing everything in writing, he can edit and rewrite and take his time to make sure things are worded properly, and that he doesn't let anger or frustration cause him to lash out or otherwise be mean when he really doesn't want to be.

    He may also have a more typically-female trait where he's not even sure how he feels until he has time to think about it (most guys don't need much time, generally, but some definitely do). You, on the other hand, tend to have a more typically-male style where you like to be direct and in-the-moment.

    This is who HE is - and it's not right to paint all men with this brush, because most men aren't this way. But part of being in a relationship with someone is accepting who and what they are - and this is who he is. You can either fight it or embrace it and make it work for you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's very simple. I found myself in your description of your boyfriend so I hope answer I gave you will help you.

    Your boyfriend is probably an introvert. That means that he experience environment through himself, while extroverts experience environment through others. Introverts take time to analyze things that bothers them and believe me you probably don't wanna know what was all going through his head. When he finished his thinking and he found the solution, he then decided to take the action and tell you his perspective.

    I am mix of introvert and extrovert and when problems happen my introvert kicks in. I will always say that everything is ok while in my head there is a tornado of everything. So I take my time to think about why that and that bothers me so much, I am also trying to see things from my partners perspective, then I switch to mine... Believe me it's very long analysis. And there is one thing I always say to all my girlfriends when we get to that stage, that we can't all be the same. For example, your boyfriend solves things in a way that he closes himself for others while he is processing things, and you are type of person that probably is more fluid and direct. And thats fine, if you both are able to accept each other as you are, and not force your wishes onto others. Because this kind of approach in solving problems is core of your characters, that can't be changed. You will just need to trust him that yours love is strong enough that he will not question yours future because of lets say some veebal fights you will have.

    If you find that his behaviour puts you on a thin ice, and you feel stressed every time something like that happens, I believe you two should sit and talk openly.

    That has nothing to do with bad communication but with collision of two worlds that found something that bothers them in each other. That is where love should kick in.

    4|1
    0|0
    • Vote this dude for best answer. 👍🏻 he’s good.

    • Wow, a good answer amidst a sea of jerkoffs who just want to insult the womam for asking guys a fair question on an app MADE for that exact purpose. I applaud you sir.

Most Helpful Girl

  • In my own experience, guys who are bad at communicating have never really had to do it. They haven't had those long talks with friends and family where they get to process their own thoughts and feelings while simultaneously getting feedback from someone else. They might not have experienced "adult arguing", which really is all about talking things through without hurling insults at each other or raising your voice. They might have been told, either directly or indirectly, that they should just let their own thoughts and feelings bubble underneath the surface because being open is not "masculine" enough, or is a sign of weakness.
    My boyfriend is pretty ok at talking things through, but he has a limit when it comes to his own self-awareness and being able to interpret and communicate his own thoughts. Sometimes it feels like I'm pulling out teeth while trying to have deeper discussions with him.
    As for your own boyfriend, I think you need to have a talk with him. Sit down with him and pull up the text message he sent you. Ask him why he felt like it wasn't something he could tell you to your face when you were there, asking him what was wrong. Don't let him wiggle his way out of it just because it makes him uncomfortable. Reassure him that you're not trying to grill him, you're just trying to understand his train of thought. Then explain to him that you would rather go through these things face to face, because so many things (such as meaning and tone) can be misunderstood over text. So trying to vent or argue over text is pretty much never healthy or productive, and usually something small that could have been dealt with quickly ends up escalating to something that's unnecessarily big. Don't end the discussion before he understands why trying to "communicate" like that is toxic and destructive.

    0|1
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • Because we are not evolved to verbally communicate like females do. Men are evolved to be quiet and visual for these reasons:

    1. Making sound alerts predators and enemies.
    2. Making sound alerts prey.
    3. Making sound may indicate weakness or reveal information that raise interest in you by predators and enemies.

    2|0
    0|0
    • dang, are you an animal or what lol this is what cavemen did but it's millions years back. Some people just suck at comunicating and it has nothing to do with "alerting pray or enemies"

    • Show All
    • This is one reason why many men to do not remarry when they are older - their trust in women as loyal partners helping him survive and protect them as a couple is gone. He realizes he can only trust himself in his struggles in the world.

      Sad, but true.

    • This:

      "anyway he kept telling me nothing was wrong , so i just left it at that. "

      is an expression of those instincts about the reluctant release of personal information.

  • Sometimes I hold things back because I think I can deal with it on my own, maybe he thinks so too. Sometimes I don't want to talk about it because she'll want to get annoyed at me so to prevent it all I'll stay silent. At least he did tell you though, and some guys don't like running to their girlfriends every minute with their problems cause it'll make them look weak, which also may annoy the girl

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes we can be bad at communicating. I am the first to admit that but women can be just as bad. I think a lot of men hate confrontation with those close to them so they say nothing. In a lot of relationships women speak and men have to listen but it doesn't work the other way around too often. A lot of women don't listen or care to what the man has to say so men just don't bother.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Was he mad at the way you speak? You seem to be one of those people who says "like" a lot.

    There are generally 3 types of guys:
    1. those who just really suck at communicating
    2. Those who choose not to because they know how their girlfriend will react and blow everything out of proportion.
    3. Those who just like to keep things to themselves (this is often most likely in general).

    0|0
    0|0
  • Men have the natural instinct to hide their emotions and genuine feelings over personal stuffs. So at most of the times they keep this within themselves either struggling or trying to accept it. But then at the end when they realize they can't suppress it, they open up. Some guys figure this out quickly while some don't. Be patient he isn't bad in communicating, he will open up.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's hard to find the right words in the moment for some guys, I know that when I try to tell my girlfriend how I feel i always end up making things worse in the moment because I'll use the wrong word or I won't explain myself exactly fully or some stupid little thing and it ends up in a fight 1000 times worse over something stupid little thing.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Guys are taught to not show emotion and were raised differently from girls because of this stigma that man have to have this masculine image which is why were not that great at communicating.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Because if we express how we feel at that exact moment you're gonna hold it over our heads forever. Its better to sort the feelings out and present them civilized

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because for some people it takes time to approach an issue correctly. There's a reason why a person doesn't talk about a problem right away. It's not even about men or women, anyone who wants to sort out problems without creating more problems will take time and you should respect that and give him time. If he doesn't use the right approach you might take it the wrong way, creating some even more serious misunderstandings. If everyone was ready to confront others immediately, the world would be at war all the time.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I need time to think about it completely. Think of what the real issue is, and either work through it myself first, or figure out the best way to communicate it to others.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is sometimes the same with females. They feel like either you should know already or they feel that they shouldn't express emotions because the need to feel superior

    0|0
    1|0
  • Chances are they were made to feel weak for communicating.. so they just opted to not do it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Jesus, your man and my woman should have a conversation. I get a week long silent treatment at least once a month. Im at the point after a decade where i just stop asking and continue on with my shit. I feel like a small part of it might be fear of exploding or saying something he will regret in a heated moment though. Thats why the text is safer. I feel like a lot of women have emotional problems with being sad or crying, which is fine - we are different creatures. As a man i feel like we experience emotions just as much even though we dont admit it, instead we get a lot of anger a frustration. Which on certain men can be dangerous. He very well could be thinking about preserving the relationship by giving himself time to cool down before talking.

    1|0
    1|0
  • It goes both ways. I have my moments, but i have also me females who can not communicate well.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Why are women so terrible with generalising...

    1|1
    1|0

What Girls Said 7

  • Men are more rational even when talking. Scientifically they can't multitask so dont even try to have his attention during his tv show. He will just nod but won't listen shit.
    When talking to a man, dont be emotional. If they feel your feelings they shut down because men are assertive. Tears scare them and avoid them to have a fair talk
    Avoid feelings and too long explanations. Be direct and fast, rational and never mix reason with emotions.

    1|0
    0|1
  • He's just being selfish... Empathy is definite a life skill to have and men in general don't really have it. It's probably because their upbringing and culture tells them to express emotionally and thinking of others is a big no no and it's a sign of 'de-masculination'. If they did, they wouldn't be in this terrible predicament.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I'm the same in my relationship. He is introvert so he hates confrontation and ends up sending long msgs instead.

    I accepted it at the time but told him I felt disrespected on my end. He slowly started communicating better directly over years.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Terrible, you can control them with your communication matters Google it

    0|0
    0|0
  • It goes both ways

    0|1
    1|0
  • Thats the opposite

    0|0
    0|0
  • Omg I don’t even know, not saying all men are bad at communicating but the ones I dated were terrible. Haven’t had 1 guy communicate well with me.

    1|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...