My boyfriend refused to have sex with me because he needs to study. Do you think it can be legit or is it an excuse?

-He usually has a VERY high sex drive.
-It would take him less than 10 minutes to get here.
-I sent him a few suggestive photos, which he seemed to respond well to.
-His uni course is quite challenging.
Do you think he's being honest or is it more likely there's a different reason for this?
  • He's *actually* studying
    Vote A
  • There's a different reason (what?)
    Vote B
  • Stop being paranoid, it's normal
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guys

  • he's literally trying to make both your lives better and you're dragging him down and causing drama over it? wtf, why aren't you studying? Where's your college? leave him alone and don't make his life miserable. I almost wanna say he should just get rid of you if you decide to confront him about it and start shit, i most certainly would!

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    • First of all, I’m not dragging him down, nor causing drama. I’m asking people on here if there is anything to worry about. Second, I’m studying medicine, I don’t think I’ll make him miserable due to my lack of studies. Third - you’d get rid of your girlfriend because she wants to sleep with you? Really?

    • I'd get rid of her because she's trying to cause drama. You're doubting him and his loyalty and this is frustrating as ALL HELL to guys. its absolutely unnecessary and when he's bogged down with life already the last thing he needs is his girl at his neck wondering why she isn't getting what she wants from him when he's trying to do shit for her already

      -He usually has a VERY high sex drive.
      -It would take him less than 10 minutes to get here.
      -I sent him a few suggestive photos, which he seemed to respond well to.
      -His uni course is quite challenging.
      Do you think he's being honest or is it more likely there's a different reason for this?

      Stop over thinking it. But if you want bring it up and question his loyalty over him studying to make your lives better. don't just question it, dig into him. complain about his high sex drive, think he's doing something behind your back, idc what happens but this post wreaks of lack of trust / insecurity / doubt / etc. and i'd sure as shit end it

  • I think he's actually studying.
    Instead of pressuring him into ignoring studies and coming to have sex with you, offer to help him relieve stress when he needs a study break, I'm sure you'll get better results that way.

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    • I'm not pressuring him into anything, at least I don't think I am. It was actually meant as a study break for him, since he says he's been studying for the past 6 hours.

    • Yeah he should definitely take a break from studying. People learn better if they're "rewarded" after doing something difficult.
      Sex might actually help him retain the information he's studying.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You know him better, so I'd say you have a better chance of knowing if he is lying or not. To me that sounds like a legit reason. Especially if it's a one time thing and he doesn't constantly refuse with the same reason. He might also be stressed, if the course is actually challenging, which can affect his sex drive.

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  • You're complaining that your guy rather do well in school than have sex with you? Really? Not to be rude, but that's kind of selfish of you.

    Let him study. Heck, even offer him an incentive: if he passes his exams with a certain score, do something extra special for him

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    • It's very unusual for him to refuse sex, which is why I'm concerned. I wasn't trying to keep him from his studies, I would have just liked him to take a break for an hour or so, after having been buried in books for 6.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 43

  • That's surprising he turned down the opportunity but maybe he was just tired or stressed and just not feeling it. Or maybe he masturbated when you sent pics and yeah. If it becomes a regular thing then you might have something to worry about but if it's more of a one time thing I don't think you need to stress at all.

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  • Umm yeah studying and work can keep a guy very busy.

    And actually I'm a little surprised you'd even question it.

    I mean flip it around and you were busy, but he keeps bugging you for sex how would you feel?

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  • It's possible, sex and the activities surrounding it are usually time consuming... when I was first year this girl often came to my room, and when I let her in I couldn't get much done that whole day. Sometimes I just want to be by myself, studying or playing video games
    Whether it's actually studying depends on what is his major and is there any coming exam though

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  • He probably just didn't want to have sex with you at the time. Which is, admittedly, odd.
    You may want to read this.
    Girls-- If He Doesn't Want Sex, Something is Wrong. ↗

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  • Speaking from experience from college and law school I can assure you that when you have to study you REALLY do have to study. At least you do if you take your studies seriously. Being in a relationship with someone in a demanding course of study is a challenge, and it requires understanding for when it's time to concentrate.

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  • Study is important yup I agree, but having said that.. sex is something that he can resort to as a breaktime between his studies and moreover at this age of yours the drive is at peak and we must respect what nature has given us.. so it seems his excuse is legit... Sex is a pleasure one must not refuse or disrespect, moreover he must understand the fact that you feel the need for it and he is the one who must fulfill it as a responsibility...

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  • It's probably legit because you are like most women who want to be romanced with lots of foreplay and selfishly want to bond and cuddle after or talk about stuff. So by the time he gets back to his studies, it's the next day already.

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  • Don't panic for the moment Julie... but challenge him for some nice moments when the exams are behind him :D
    Let's hope for both of you it's false alarm - thumbs up!

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  • He's probably actually studying, it's a good thing he takes it seriously, I'd pick sex over important things everytime honestly, so that's a good quality about him. If it continues like this however, THEN you may have a problem

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  • I know I would have welcomed a study break in college but what all does that entail? How much time before sex/after sex before she leaves? I know some women I dated I would not have invited over because they would, end up staying late and distracting my studies.

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    • It would have been like an hour, hour and a half.

    • I say he missed out but I don't know him from Adam so it's impossible for me to form much of a further opinion on this, I would say you have nothing to worry about though.

  • Stop reading into it. Men won’t just turn down sex.. so yeah he’s probably busy.. you should probably go over there and blow him while he is studying, it might help him

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  • It's midterms, he's studying. Legit the reason women be graduating at a higher rate is because men are willing to give up there time too easily. If he just say I'm not in the mood then that should be cool too.

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  • Guys can just not be in the mood. If he’s in a stressful course and has shit to do I wouldn’t doubt him.

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  • My ex girlfriend refused to have sex due to her studying at least 150 times. So I would say it is normal.

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  • Well studying and stress can lower your sex drive. So if I were you, I would believe him until he gives reasons not to.

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  • I don't think its just the study, there is more going on.
    What i expect is that there is something beyond the study but related to the work that is upsetting him. He might be stressed out because of a deadline. So i think he is legit studying but there is a deeper issue on the surface causing him to feel like he needs to make haste and can't waste any time. The same kind of stress can also be massive sex drive killer.
    So once he is relaxed definitely talk to him about his Uni, help him relax a bit and then initiate sex with a blowjob for example.

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  • Hey! I've used this line before and it's legit.
    😭
    At least for me since I was in engineering. If he's a psych major, not so much.

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  • I cannot imagine a guy putting his studies before a good fuck with his girlfriend.

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  • I think he's telling the truth.
    Let him study. Once he'll be done, you're the next in line, prepare to get fucked, and not just once.

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  • Like you said, his course is quite challenging. But then, my sex drive isn't really high.

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What Girls Said 8

  • When I was doing my first 4 years at uni, I never even had time for a boyfriend, let alone have sex.

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  • He’s actually studying since the course he’s taking is challenging

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  • Let him study. Getting an Education is top priority. Sex can wait.

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    • Your needs may have to be found elsewhere. You dont have to be in love to get laid.

  • Sounds like he's being honest. School is very important

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  • What makes you think he isn't, and if so what do you think he could be doing?

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    • It's unusual for him to refuse sex. He almost never does that.

    • Show All
    • Maybe you should be talking to him right now, instead of us.

    • I didn't vote because I can't decide and not enough input plus I agree with this

      "Maybe you should be talking to him right now, instead of us. "

      and I am really kind of surprised because I wouldn't refuse sex lol, it would need to be some really, really, I mean really extreme situation to turn down sex with my girlfriend, that is just me of course

  • Maybe he has an important assignment?

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  • It’s normal—he’s stressed and needs to study. Sex drive goes down when you’re stressed.

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  • It’s legit. Studying can be very stressful! At times it heightens the sex drive as sex is a good tool for releasing stress. However, when stress is incredibly high, there’s no room to switch off for sex, even sleeping causes feelings of guilt with the amount of pressure that’s created. So the best thing you can do right now is be supportive and help him through it. He’ll be back to his normal self once it’s all over.

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