How do I become confident in myself?

I've never truly believed in myself as I don't have any reason to. I'm always the second option to people, at work, dating, friends, family, everywhere I go, no matter what I do, I'm never number one. I'm always remembered for my mistakes, and never for the things I've done well. Whenever I feel like I'm going in the right direction, I fall right back down, in a much worse position than I would've been if I hadn't taken the chance. I have no friends because I moved last August. There were three girls at work that I felt like I could date, but then one had a boyfriend, the other got a boyfriend while I was talking to her, and the other rejected me. With that, my streak of never having been on a single date stays alive and it makes me feel even worse about myself. I've tried self improvement, but it was 1 step forward, 100 steps back, and that's taken away all motivation for me to try anything. How do I fix this?How do I become confident in myself?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone can make mistakes or not come 1st place but it's good to not be hard on yourself. At least you're brave to talk about this here.
    I'm not a psychiatrist, maybe websites can help or you could seek professional help if your low self-esteem is really bothering you.
    psychcentral.com/.../

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop comparing yourself to others and recognize yourself as an individual with your own value instead of seeing yourself as something/ someone that has to reach the standards of others?

    This should hopefully help you fixate yourself on improving yourself instead of looking at others successions.

    I would say that this method worked for me, I used to be like you, comparing all my achievements to other peoples and wondering why no-one ever noticed mine, but then I thought to myself "How about I forget about them? Since I am remembering them, I can be proud of my achievements, compliment myself and tell myself how the things I have done have improved every day"

    Since then, I would think to myself about how my exercise has improved my body much more compared to a few months ago, I would think of all the good things I have done and if a negative thing popped up in my head I would say "Well, life has to have negativity to make positivity noticeable I guess" and I started doing things that I began finding as achievements.

    This might not work for you, but try starting off with doing small things and congratulate yourself on them, it should help you to start a much broader range of great things that you should be super proud of.

    You are a great, valuable person and never think less of yourself based on the attention that others give you <3

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What Girls Said 5

  • I think you don’t have a lot of self confidence you should see a therapist because you sound like you have self esteem issues.

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    • I've been, they're as useless as your pulled quote, obvious "opinion" you just wrote.

  • For starters, stop basing your confidence on how often you go on dates. It's counter productive.

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    • I base it on my accomplishments, or lack of them in my case.

  • Accomplish some shit that is hard.

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    • I've more than proven that I can't

    • Show All
    • Do you know any adult men you can talk to?

    • No, I don't have friends, like I said

  • Eat more pussy

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  • That 1 step you make should be always taken as a milestone. Getting over this is a lifetime struggle for some people and there is no certain steps that apply to everyone but I can tell you what helped me.. First of all I went to the gym and lost a few weight, then I focused on finding something I'm passionate about, I made a good friend that helped me see what is wrong about myself and tried everyday to change that behaviour.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I think people think of things like confidence and motivation the wrong way. You shouldn't be sitting around thinking "I wish I was more confident" or whatever, if you want to be more confident then you have to act confident. It might be hard and awkward at first, but eventually it'll become a part of who you are. Just don't become an overconfident egotistical arsehole.

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  • You're young, just keep living life and gain experience and have fun

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  • Always value yourself more than everyone , don't worry if you make mistakes , the worst thing to happen is death , stay bold and strong

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  • I envy that you are this young

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