Men, why do you lead women on... only to not want a relationship?

I have been friends with a guy for 7 months. We were never physically intimate... but we talked everyday, he was vulnerable with me, slept on the phone together, he would compliment me... basically he was there for me every step of the way through thick and thin. We know each other very well... we called each other “twins”. He seemed interested. We finally ended up confessing our feelings for one another about a month ago and he said he really liked me and would engage in a long distance relationship with me because I’m worth it (he comes to my city all the time so distance wasn’t an issue). Unfortunately, this guy attracts a lot of female attention and I know he entertains other females... so I decided to approach him about it because I felt as if I was just a number (his social media is very telling). Long story short, he completely flipped the script and told me he’s not ready for a relationship because he “ain’t shit” and that if we got together it would lead to heartbreak. He even told me the timing was wrong because there were girls around... but he “damn near loves me”. I tried to maintain our friendship even after all of this and he was still flirting with me and leading me on... he even said, “we’re in this too deep, you’re my baby. I’m going to do better for you.” Two weeks ago, I became fed up and decided I needed a break to heal my heart and during the time of no contact , he told me he really missed me. I thought that if I took time out to get over things, we could go back to being friends but yesterday I cut him off. He reached out to me told me how beautiful I was, told me he misses me and tried to work things out. He practically begged me to remain friends with him. He told me he cares about me a lot even though we aren’t together but he’s saving me from him
Updates:
12 d ago
. I don’t understand what he could possibly want from me. He doesn’t like me because he doesn’t want a relationship with me... yet talks to me like he’s interested and wants to string me along as his friend (he had reached out three time since no contact and told me each time he misses me and still wants to be friends). I ended things because I cannot be treated as an option but I miss him so much. Why would he do all of this to not want me?
12 d ago
This entire thing has me confused and hurt... like what could he want from me if he doesn’t want me ya know? Was I wrong for cutting him off?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't know. I'm marrying my girl. I guess it is part of the culture that thinks hook ups and all the sex you want and then if you feel like it you might settle down at 30 after having 10-35 sex partners.

    If guys don't have to marry the girl they like to have sex than why have a relationship. The goal then turns to have sex with as many different girls as you can. Hook ups and cheap sex everywhere. Why settle on one girl.

    That is just a sign of the times with the state of our culture and the birth control pill from the 60's and the sexual revolution.

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  • Make him understand how you feel about him, and if he rejects the idea of a relationship tell him you can't talk to him anymore for self healing reasons or whatever.

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    • 8 d ago

      I have trust me... but he doesn’t seem to understand and keeps coming back. I just don’t understand that if you don’t want to be in a relationship with me, why do all of this?

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    • 8 d ago

      He was a great friend to me and I don’t want to lose him tbh... but I love him and want to be in a relationship with him... and being him friend makes me fall deeper.

    • 8 d ago

      Well that is your choice, dig deeper and hope for the best that may never come, or rip the band aid off and get rid of the stress eventually.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Same reason women do.
    Some people are just arseholes simply.
    So live and learn, ALWAYS make sure you're both on the same page looking for the same thing.

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What Girls & Guys Said

319
  • I am not gonna read the whole thing
    Almost all young men just want to use women for sex. Thats what the culture has promoted to them since they were 7 years old.
    So they lead you on just to have sex.

    In the old days, to get laid, you needed to commit to a woman. and you couldnt have sterile sex, with contraceptives. You knew having sex meant babies. Babies means you need to stick around and raise them.

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  • From what I'm reading it could be that he's waiting for an unambiguous signal from you that you want the relationship to go further, in the #metoo climate guys are circumspect about making any moves without clear signals from the woman that everything's OK. The balls in your court.

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  • Not wanting a relationship isn't leading someone on. Guys don't want to commit deep down. It's that simple. We want to stay fresh and attractive and available to multiple females, per evolutionary biology. This is no different from females' desire to want to be pursued, rather than do the pursuing themselves. Humans are animals.

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  • In my experience, guys try to keep you around after they've rejected you, to keep you as a back up for when they get bored.

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  • This guy is so full of bs.
    I advise you to block him and to move on with your life.
    There are other guys more deserving of your affections.

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  • Because what he's all but literally saying is "you and I get along absolutely amazingly. But, I also see girls I want to sleep with if I get the chance, and I don't want to destroy my connection with you by doing that."

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    • 1 mo ago

      Hm it makes me think that what he’s saying is that there’s better options out there. He even told me that we met at the wrong time and he regrets it.

    • 1 mo ago

      There could be a hint of that kind of feeling, but I wouldn't get too hung up on that

  • Been there done that, you can't make a man to commit to you if he doesn't fancy you as much for him to commit. It hurts but it's true.

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  • It is usually too awkward for people to do that. You would have to agree in boundaries with him.

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    • 8 d ago

      I agree... but I just don’t understand why he’s begging to still be friends.

    • 8 d ago

      can't face reality, I guess

  • I dont know him, but he could have another girlfriend from what you are saying. When I like a girl, no other one even exists.

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    • 12 d ago

      Okay then why is he still begging to be my friend and flirting with me🤦🏾‍♀️? Ugh this is so frustrating. As far as I know he’s single... but of course that could be a lie

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    • 12 d ago

      I’m 20. We both come from a religious background where young marriages are common. One night we literally stayed up all night on the phone till about 4am discussing what I’d want in a future partner... mind you, he brought it up. He is 20 as well. I don’t want to get married at the moment though... maybe another 3-5 years.

    • 11 d ago

      I hope he stays faithful to you.

  • So am I! Why would you want a relationship with a girl you hated?

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  • I think he is just using you when he doesn't have anyone to talk to, if you both like each and why he is after other girls around him

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  • Because he doesn't know what he wants. he's wanting to chase the field and not commit to you.

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  • For the thing between your legs i'm sure you'll get over it.

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  • I wouldn't he is probably just a desperate simp tell him he is embarrassing himself

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  • Not all men are like that. Only the ones your attracted to.

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  • He doesn't think he's faithful enough. I respect that.

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    • 1 mo ago

      So I should just remain friends with him and completely drop the idea of a relationship?

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    • 1 mo ago

      Omg last night we were talking about his communication skills and he literally told me he’s going to do better for me. He even said, “we’re in this too deep, you’re my baby”. I don’t understand why he talks to me this way if he’s not interested in a relationship.

    • 1 mo ago

      He wants you, however he recognizes his own faults, he tells you to wait for him as he tries to turn those faults around. That is what makes a man among boys, recognizing his own imperfections is a trait he has that is a lacking one.

  • If I like a girl I make it obviously clear and want to spend a lot of time with her

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  • 7 months and no sex. Maybe he's doing the female thing of using you for emotional support?

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  • Sexual back up.

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  • dont generalize

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  • I don't

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  • Men don't have the same need for a relationship that women do.

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