How does he seem to feel?

Anonymous
I am 18, and the guy in question is 26.

We became best friends through the restaurant we both worked at, soon after I got hired last May.
We would text constantly, first thing in the morning until late at night, hang out outside of work at least once a week, etc.
Then, he told me in Nov that he was in love with me, and sent me a long text explaining all the reasons why.

I had never been in a relationship, never held hands or even hugged a guy because I take medication for anxiety and had an ED for quite a while, so I avoided all of that. Due to this, when he asked me out, I told him that I did not think I was ready, and that if I had felt ready, I would have definitely went out with him, because I adore him.

He thought it was just because he was “gross” and felt horrible, but didn’t feel ready. He continued to tell me that the offer was always open, that he cared so much, and that he thought the we should get MaRRIED if we can’t find people to date in the future.

Fast forward to Dec, and I finally decide that I should just try despite my anxiety. We go on some dates, have a lot of fun, and then eventually hold hands, hug and then he invites me to his house to cuddle multiple times.

Then he begins to express that he is anxious that he will be hurt again, and he is scared of how much he cares. I told him I loved him, and that I wouldn’t have cuddled with him if I didn’t, because I wanted to save that for someone I cared about.
After this, he becomes very distant for about a week, barely talking to me at work, leaving my messages unread or unanswered, etc.

When he finally told me why, he said that he had cried every night that week, he hated himself and that he felt uncomfortable being happy, and he didn’t feel himself.

Cont. Below vvv vvvvvvvvvvvv
Updates:
9 mo
I got really upset and tried to comfort him and let him know it’s not his fault that people hurt him, I really care and he’s special and important to me, etc. Then he seemed very happy, and was trying to plan a date for us to spend time together. But I am so busy (FT work and college) that that would be not for 5 days, then he seemed sad and became slightly distant AGAIN, saying “let’s keep it open, I guess.”
9 mo
He has a very busy life most recently too, and has promised multiple times that I did nothing, but could I have done something wrong? This is so stressful that I don’t know what to think.

I care about this person so so much, and I just want to know what I did, if anything. I know it may be partially from my anxiety, but I feel so upset and confused. I have never been in a relationship and I feel like a confused kid.
How does he seem to feel?
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