My bestfriend all the sudden got shady to me?

Question

My bestfriend and I have gotten so close the past 6 months. Been friends for 3 years. And he's been such a good friend to me lately and we have gotten so close that he takes care of me when I drink too much. And now all the sudden he got a girlfriend, and he prioritizes her over me. Why does he do that?

Answer 1

btbc92 | 2.1K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

Because like I told another user, you are just an option for him to turn to. He lacks time management skills and he is more and likely sleeping with her, so all he cares about is mainly the sex and where he's getting it from IF they are sexually active. He may sadly see you as a liability and not worth investing. I hate it when people do that to me too. If you know you can't share your heart with other people too, don't create relationships you can't keep or be responsible for. I think what's best is that you allow him to whatever he wants and find other people you can bond with. Put him on notice. If his girlfriend doesn't trust him with you, all she has to do is get to know you and such. If she doesn't, you KNOW what kind of relationship this is. And your best to slowly detach from him. He will pick her over you any day.

Asker

7 mo
Also one thing to add the girl dosent live here where we live, but he's even thinking about moving in the country where she is, but he dosent know yet. And when it was his birthday, before he became girlfriend - girlfriend with her, he started to be cozy with me when he was a bit drunk, but nothing happened, he just hold around me while I was sitting next to him, and i posted the an video of us on social media, but then he asked me to delete it after 2 minutes. And over the summer all of us were out in the club, and there was a person that took a photo of us and put it on social media, and he hid it from his timeline. But then 2 months later he says he really misses her. And now all the sudden he has decided he want to have a real relationship with her. And she is coming back in a few months, will he still choose her over me?
btbc92

7 mo
OMG, this sounds toxic. Let this guy go. He is not your best friend. He's playing you and her. You're just going to get hurt and end up with trust issues with men. Let him go. You are no longer his friend. A friend doesn't do that. The guy is dysfunctional. There is nothing going on yet he acts like it is. He wants you and her. Get out!
Asker

7 mo
I dont think he is playing her or me? I mean he holds around her in front of me, he goes home with her in front of me, he have told so many people that he is with her, and all of his friends knows about her, even when she is there he tells me what they talk about, is he trying to make me jealous? But they were broken up at the time when it was his birthday, but the weekend after his birthday he kissed someone else in front of me. And then she called him, and then they talked again for months, and now he wants to make her as a girlfriend. And he has told me that basically what happened between us was just because he was hurting and was in a bad place, that he dosent really have romantic feelings for me, that he didn't mean it like that
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btbc92

7 mo
Girl if he is doing all of that, yes he is. He's confused. And you don't need to be involved with that. It is not your problem he got this problem. He is a grown man, he is not some little boy in need of his mommy. You are not responsible for his dumb choices.
btbc92

7 mo
Notice how when nothing goes right with her, he goes to you, then he goes to other women, random ones at that, then wants to go back to her? Sweety you don't need to be around that dysfunction. It will leave you discouraged, used, abused and broken. Don't subject yourself to that.
btbc92

7 mo
Let him learn to grow up. Because he's nothing but a child and he's dragging you in it. He's a mess.
Asker

7 mo
No it's not that nothing goes right with her? It's that she dosent live where we live, her life isn't based where we are, so that's why he is struggling with her. He always knew that being with her contains sacrifices. And also some of his friends told me that as long as this girl will love him, he will never leave her. He might play around with other girls, but he will only be serious with her as long as she wants to be with him. Does it mean he just sees me as a playtoy?
btbc92

7 mo
You need to stop making excuses for this guy. This is nothing but toxicity. His life is full of drama. that is on him. That have nothing to do with you. I know about relationships like that. This is not about love. This is mainly about sex and drama. And you're being stupid to believe it's love. Love don't work like that that I can guarantee you. Technically yeah you're just a play toy because he's using you as an emotional crutch while he's pining for her waiting for her to come. That's how you know sex is involved. Because love don't work like that.
btbc92

7 mo
and you can bet she's playing him. She's probably seeing other men while their separated

Answer 2

Asker

Also one thing to add the girl dosent live here where we live, but he's even thinking about moving in the country where she is, but he dosent know yet. And when it was his birthday, before he became girlfriend - girlfriend with her, he started to be cozy with me when he was a bit drunk, but nothing happened, he just hold around me while I was sitting next to him, and i posted the an video of us on social media, but then he asked me to delete it after 2 minutes. And over the summer all of us were out in the club, and there was a person that took a photo of us and put it on social media, and he hid it from his timeline. But then 2 months later he says he really misses her. And now all the sudden he has decided he want to have a real relationship with her. And she is coming back in a few months, will he still choose her over me?

Answer 3

btbc92

OMG, this sounds toxic. Let this guy go. He is not your best friend. He's playing you and her. You're just going to get hurt and end up with trust issues with men. Let him go. You are no longer his friend. A friend doesn't do that. The guy is dysfunctional. There is nothing going on yet he acts like it is. He wants you and her. Get out!

Answer 4

Asker

I dont think he is playing her or me? I mean he holds around her in front of me, he goes home with her in front of me, he have told so many people that he is with her, and all of his friends knows about her, even when she is there he tells me what they talk about, is he trying to make me jealous? But they were broken up at the time when it was his birthday, but the weekend after his birthday he kissed someone else in front of me. And then she called him, and then they talked again for months, and now he wants to make her as a girlfriend. And he has told me that basically what happened between us was just because he was hurting and was in a bad place, that he dosent really have romantic feelings for me, that he didn't mean it like that

Answer 5

btbc92

Girl if he is doing all of that, yes he is. He's confused. And you don't need to be involved with that. It is not your problem he got this problem. He is a grown man, he is not some little boy in need of his mommy. You are not responsible for his dumb choices.

Answer 6

btbc92

Notice how when nothing goes right with her, he goes to you, then he goes to other women, random ones at that, then wants to go back to her? Sweety you don't need to be around that dysfunction. It will leave you discouraged, used, abused and broken. Don't subject yourself to that.

Answer 7

btbc92

Let him learn to grow up. Because he's nothing but a child and he's dragging you in it. He's a mess.

Answer 8

Asker

No it's not that nothing goes right with her? It's that she dosent live where we live, her life isn't based where we are, so that's why he is struggling with her. He always knew that being with her contains sacrifices. And also some of his friends told me that as long as this girl will love him, he will never leave her. He might play around with other girls, but he will only be serious with her as long as she wants to be with him. Does it mean he just sees me as a playtoy?

Answer 9

btbc92

You need to stop making excuses for this guy. This is nothing but toxicity. His life is full of drama. that is on him. That have nothing to do with you. I know about relationships like that. This is not about love. This is mainly about sex and drama. And you're being stupid to believe it's love. Love don't work like that that I can guarantee you. Technically yeah you're just a play toy because he's using you as an emotional crutch while he's pining for her waiting for her to come. That's how you know sex is involved. Because love don't work like that.

Answer 10

btbc92

and you can bet she's playing him. She's probably seeing other men while their separated

Answer 11

1stranger | 106 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Explorer

He may be bored with you😝😉. No no I'm just kidding..

If you haven't met for a long time, he may lose interest.

Are you a little jealous baby? Just a little?😄I'm sure you both are in different places in his heart. Also if you drink together, it means you both are together 😘

Answer 12

lemonsaresosourx

Xper 1

this is a very normal situation. most “girlfriends” get very protective and possessive over their boyfriends. they see close girl-friends as a threat and as a result, often ask their boyfriend to distance themselves.

Answer 13

spartan55 | 13.7K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

How is that 'shady'? So YOU should be his priority, not his girlfriend?
You girls truly have no shame.

btbc92

7 mo
It's not that we want to be a priority. We don't want to be emotionally neglected either. No good friend does. Why have a friendship if you can't nurture it either? That's not a friendship. You don't neglect your friends or ghost them. That's poor time management. Unless she is a wife, she is easily replaceable if she doesn't respect or treat him right either. Dating is a time to evaluate, not neglect other people. If your meant to be together, it will happen naturally. No amount of spending time together will guarantee you will be forever together. But friends, like family, can and often will have your back.
spartan55

7 mo
Obviously you are jealous and think you should be his girlfriend... what a surprise.
btbc92

7 mo
How so? What does jealous do for me? My close friend once done the same. The moment she got involved with her ex, she was all over the guy. But that was because she never felt that way with others. She got too desperate because she wanted a family, get married, not die a virgin, etc. And she used our friendship to go see him so her parents wouldn't catch her in a lie. To stay over with him. When I started seeing how much she changed, God told me to cut her off because of it. I had no choice, but to end communication with her. She was upset and fell apart. But she chose that and I wasn't going to allow myself to be neglected, abused, and hurt. She understood and had to decide what she was going to do. ONLY to find out he cheated on her multiple times! And I told her, not once, not twice, 100s of times, LET THE GUY GO.
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btbc92

7 mo
Even if it was with male friends. I am not jealous. I am HURT. I naturally have a love for people. If you and I share a bond and become friends. I will cherish it with my LIFE! I will not neglect you be it if I was involved, dating, married or not. You are still my priority too. There is NO ONE that is better or over the other. And if no guy can't understand that, he doesn't have to be with me. I don't like jealous people.
btbc92

7 mo
And besides. Most of my friends are not compatible with me and sleep outside of marriage. Or already have girlfriends and wives. Why again, am I jealous? I just find it sad nobody is innocent as children anymore and use 'love' as an excuse to hurt each other. I rather not use 'love' as a weapon. That's why I have over 14 years of friendships. Because unlike you dysfunctional people, I don't put anybody to accept God over those I love. I love everyone. And I don't just toss the word love around. I will not emotionally invest in somebody who isn't good for me. So don't lump me into that category. That's why I never dated either because all of that brings nothing but pain. I rather die alone than hurt others!
btbc92

7 mo
That's how much I love her and that's how much I love my friends. I don't call everybody my friend anymore. I learned the hard way with fake friends. Maybe that's the women you hang out with. Not me. I've been abused enough by people, and even by those, I love. Why would I treat others how I also don
t wished to be treated? Nothing good comes out of jealousy. I have another friend who did that to me because another friend of ours crushed on me. She was like that. I never wanted any of it or anybody to fight. I wasn't bullied and was called a religious prude, naive, or boring for no reason, you know. That's why people never understood why am I still single. You at yourselves and tell me what dating will benefit for me if all you people know how to do is assume, use, hurt and be selfish? Not worth it.
spartan55

7 mo
Anything else?
btbc92

7 mo
Anything else what? Sounds like you have personal issues with people.
spartan55

7 mo
Redundant statement: 'personal issues with people' I don't even know that means. But since you know everything I think already, perhaps you can help

Answer 14

btbc92

It's not that we want to be a priority. We don't want to be emotionally neglected either. No good friend does. Why have a friendship if you can't nurture it either? That's not a friendship. You don't neglect your friends or ghost them. That's poor time management. Unless she is a wife, she is easily replaceable if she doesn't respect or treat him right either. Dating is a time to evaluate, not neglect other people. If your meant to be together, it will happen naturally. No amount of spending time together will guarantee you will be forever together. But friends, like family, can and often will have your back.

Answer 15

spartan55

Obviously you are jealous and think you should be his girlfriend... what a surprise.

Answer 16

btbc92

How so? What does jealous do for me? My close friend once done the same. The moment she got involved with her ex, she was all over the guy. But that was because she never felt that way with others. She got too desperate because she wanted a family, get married, not die a virgin, etc. And she used our friendship to go see him so her parents wouldn't catch her in a lie. To stay over with him. When I started seeing how much she changed, God told me to cut her off because of it. I had no choice, but to end communication with her. She was upset and fell apart. But she chose that and I wasn't going to allow myself to be neglected, abused, and hurt. She understood and had to decide what she was going to do. ONLY to find out he cheated on her multiple times! And I told her, not once, not twice, 100s of times, LET THE GUY GO.

Answer 17

btbc92

Even if it was with male friends. I am not jealous. I am HURT. I naturally have a love for people. If you and I share a bond and become friends. I will cherish it with my LIFE! I will not neglect you be it if I was involved, dating, married or not. You are still my priority too. There is NO ONE that is better or over the other. And if no guy can't understand that, he doesn't have to be with me. I don't like jealous people.

Answer 18

btbc92

And besides. Most of my friends are not compatible with me and sleep outside of marriage. Or already have girlfriends and wives. Why again, am I jealous? I just find it sad nobody is innocent as children anymore and use 'love' as an excuse to hurt each other. I rather not use 'love' as a weapon. That's why I have over 14 years of friendships. Because unlike you dysfunctional people, I don't put anybody to accept God over those I love. I love everyone. And I don't just toss the word love around. I will not emotionally invest in somebody who isn't good for me. So don't lump me into that category. That's why I never dated either because all of that brings nothing but pain. I rather die alone than hurt others!

Answer 19

btbc92

That's how much I love her and that's how much I love my friends. I don't call everybody my friend anymore. I learned the hard way with fake friends. Maybe that's the women you hang out with. Not me. I've been abused enough by people, and even by those, I love. Why would I treat others how I also don
t wished to be treated? Nothing good comes out of jealousy. I have another friend who did that to me because another friend of ours crushed on me. She was like that. I never wanted any of it or anybody to fight. I wasn't bullied and was called a religious prude, naive, or boring for no reason, you know. That's why people never understood why am I still single. You at yourselves and tell me what dating will benefit for me if all you people know how to do is assume, use, hurt and be selfish? Not worth it.