That is simply not true wtf.
@-Asca- It's OVERWHELMINGLY true.
I'd like to contradict you, but I'm sort of seeing the pattern around me, and I'm not having any proof for either, so I can't say anything unfounded
This is 80% true.
But it’s not absolutely impossible for a guy to ever be friends with a girl
Because what I experience guys don’t want friendship. They want to hang out and not just text. A few guys have told me they liked me and once that happens there is no friendship
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If I know the guy likes me so I avoid hanging out so I won’t lead him on but I text him, is that friendship?
No. That sounds like you're just using him, as I said. You're also giving him false hope, as many guys tend to (wrongly) think the "friendship" will evolve into a romantic relationship, although that rarely tends to happen. Now, you can keep using him, if you wish, but I do think you're just using him for emotional support and validation, and I personally wouldn't approve of that.
How am I giving him false hope? I thought I was avoiding that by not hanging out with him. How am I using him for emotional support and validation? I don’t talk about other Guys to him. I stopped a long time ago.
"I thought I was avoiding that by not hanging out with him"Does he clearly know that."How am I using him for emotional support and validation?"Then what do you talk to him about, and why can't you talk to other girls instead? I could be wrong. I'm just saying; this is the reason most women talk to guys they are not romantically interested in. Women don't see it that way (why would they; they're benefiting from it), but you are using men in this regard, unless he clearly also understands your mutual relationship will never evolve beyond 'just friends.'Guys don't think like girls do. Unless you 100% clearly and straightforwardly tell him you are romantically not interested and never will be interested, he will think there is still hope you'll sleep with/date him (especially if he's frequently talking to you, which implies he's probably single/lonely).
I never told him that but he keeps asking to hang out. He stresses to him to be honest because he thinks I haven’t been since day one. We don’t talk about much. I check on him and see how he is doing and that’s about it. Obviously he wants more and there is frustration on his side because he is single and I’m texting him yet I’m not interested in hanging out or nothing.
Then you're giving him false hope.
How? I’m confused
Those are not FRIENDS - those are acquaintances or colleagues. A "friend" is someone you CHOOSE to spend one-on-one time with - someone you've picked out to be friends with. Not the same thing at all,.
@MrOracle I was simply stating that if a friendship brewed from the social circle and became more exclusive, that it could realistically be a just-friends situation even if they did start to spend more time 1 on 1.
Not impossible, but RARE. Keep in mind that if either party has any sexual or romantic interest in the other person, then it is NOT "just friends", even if both are maintaining those appearances. And that's the point: you can't just base this on people's overt behavior, because it's people's DESIRES that determine if you're "just friends" or not. As soon as at least one person has a desire for the other, it's no longer just a friendship, even if they (attempt to) hide their desire.
@MrOracle I think you are just misunderstanding my answer. First I stated that if a guy just approaches a girl, or vice versa, it's pretty clear that there is some kind of romantic interest there.But if a guy and girl end up in a social situation and become friends, it's possible for neither of them to have any romantic interests, or possible for one and not the other, or both to have interest. I was merely pointing out that how they met could conditionally change affect the answer to the question.
I understood your reply perfectly - I just largely disagree. Yes, they could meet as colleagues or acquaintances with no initial obvious sexual attraction, but once they start spending more time around each other, that almost always leads to at least one of them having attraction towards the other. Again, rare exceptions do exist, yes, but that's not the VAST MAJORITY of people's experience.Keep in mind again that we're talking about SINGLE men here - if you are a guy who is already in a happy, healthy relationship OR you're one of those rare guys who is very handsome or very charismatic and you have plenty of women falling for you, then, sure, your needs are being met abundantly elsewhere, and a platonic relationship is possible. But when talking about SINGLE men? Forget about it.
@MrOracle We will have to agree to disagree I suppose. I see topics here almost daily asking if guys and girls can be 'just friends' and I still have childhood female friends that never became or were desired to be more. I guess I just had a different upbringing than most? Who knows.
It's possible to recognize that you or your experiences are the exception, and still recognize that the "rule" is valid.Did you see the videos I posted? I could post hundreds more. And the results of several studies. And the opinions of many psychologists and relationship counselors.
He admitted to liking me and we tried to stay friends but it didn’t work. He thought I was just using him because I was bored because I wasn’t interested in anything but I kept in contact
Then you were using him. For attention. Of course, he always had the option to ignore you, so perhaps he should have simply done that."He admitted to liking me" Right. Hence my comment.
When He said I wasn’t interested in anything he meant because I didn’t want to hang out and I kept everything to text. I don’t understand how is that using him for attention. Why would he ignore Me? That wouldn’t make him a bar person.
Well, people do like receiving texts, you know. Especially from people of the opposite sex. That's a form of attention.
That is true but I told him I was only interested in friendship.
Again, gal-- if you are even decently attractive, and especially if you are legitimately a hottie, you don't have any male friends. Unless they're gay. So get that out of your head. You will have males who want to be your friend and like talking to you and being around you, obviously, but if we are attracted to you, we want to fuck you. Which means we are not truly deep-down your friend.
I understand that but for him to basically blame me for leading him on and using him I don’t get it. If he knew I was interested he hurt himself. Just because I kept in contact he thought I was interested in more than friendship. That is on him at this point
I suppose. But who kept contacting whom-- he kept contacting you, or you kept contacting him?
It was MutuaI
Then that's why he felt that way.
I should’ve cut contact?Regardless what I was texting he took it as I was interested?
It doesn't mean you have to cut contact. Or shouldn't, anyway. He is frustrated with you because he likes you and you don't like him back. It's not complicated. You would feel the same way if the tables were turned.
I wouldn’t because I would be an adult and realize you can’t force someone to like you.
Of course you can't force someone to like you. That isn't the point. You're seriously suggesting that you wouldn't be sad or frustrated if the person you liked didn't like you back? Uh... okay, said no one ever, at least not seriously. I bet you would be sad and frustrated. And people often say and do frustrated things when they're frustrated. That's all. Just give him time.
I would be upset but I would realize I can’t control someone else feelings for me. We are on 5 months of no contact, I don’t know how much time I can give him
Oh. Well you both are already done then. Why are you even asking the question in that case? I assumed this was something recent that happened.
No just something I’m constantly thinking about
What if we develop a friendship and then he tells me I like you?
That is the extra I mentioned. If a relationship develops from friendship, it has more chances to work.However, if you don't want to have that relationship with him, you can tell him no and you can still remain friends.In any case, you asked we talk to girls with the sole intention of friendship, and I answered yes. If anything develops during the friendship, that is another thing.
It was hard to remain friends but he wants toHang out.
And why not? Maybe that is his actual intent, just hang out as friends. That is what friends do.
I mean he said he liked me so how else am I suppose to interpret that
Did you tell him that you are not interested?
Then if you go out he must understand that it's only as friends. If he can't accept that, that is his problem.
I’m just scared to take that chance
This is exactly my situation. I texted him because we were friends but I wouldn’t hang out because I’m not romantically interested
My guy agrees with you. He wanted a deeper connection and not just sex
Yeah it depends on the maturity and some responses here show that some guys are incapable of looking past sex. If you can, you can very easily build a strong connection, that will be special. I know this first hand. I had such a special friendship that was so deep.
Absolutely but he told me he liked me which put a strain on our friendship
He told me that too. My friend did. But, I took initiative to establish our relationship. Relationships always mess up deep connections due to the heavily weighing things that come with it. Friendships can very easily bloom, and it’s a way to get to know eachother without heavy weighing options. I’d say you just want to build a connection/kinship. Don’t let his feelings make this awkward. Address his feelings, but continue on normally. Don’t make him feel bad, just gently let him know while you appreciate it, you want to be friends because you see him as someone you share a connection with. If you guys can move past human nature “human tendencies” to breed, you can go on a deeper level. It’s possible!
It depends on the guy though. Since guys sometimes don’t know how to come to terms with that sensitive/spiritual side.
I think I messed it up because I was cold towards him. I was distant and acted awkward for a extended period of time. I didn’t get us a opportunity to create a connection or bond. I think I may have hurt his feelings because he said some things that I didn’t expect him to say
It’s an easy fix. Just have a heart to heart, usually through calling since texting can be hard for some guys. Apologize, and just say your honest feelings. That you don’t want a relationship but you love him nonetheless, and you want him in your life. Leading your life with truth, and love towards what feels is right is a policy my mom taught me. It’s nothing to be awkward about it’s human feelings, and coming to terms, then focusing on ways to pull it in the direction of friendship.
I will try but it maybe too late. We haven’t talked in 5 months. He apologized but it didn’t seem sincere so I didn’t respond. Some of the stuff was kinda unforgivable
Oh dear, well, people can mature in those months. If it was unforgivable then move on, but, if you want to rekindle and you believe you can make it something special then go for it. If you feel ready to accept him and move forward.
I think if it’s meant to be it will be. Timing isn’t the best right now. He always said stuff and apologized so can I really believe him?
Yeah I understand, if it’s meant to be, then it’ll be. Trust in that. It’s never too late to revive a relationship.
I guess they see no benefit for having a female friend
I think it's actually the opposite problem. Guys place high value on having desirable female friends, because that's like a status symbol when talking with other women. So the idea is that guys will primarily talk with women they'd want to have sex with, with even if things never go anywhere physical with her.
I think he was doing this with me but he settled for friendship when that wasn’t really what he wanted. He got frustrated that I only texted him but never hang out. Now we are on bad terms because of the stuff he said and him being so emotional
Well that's how it goes. It's entirely normal and practical to be open to all possible out comes and have no specific intentions, then if she doesn't come around then settle for friendship. Even at that point he should still be trying to meet up in person and cement the foundations of the relationship, and if at that point she's just texting then it's best to stop investing so much thought into her until she actually decides to meet up and be a real part of his life. Otherwise, he's just having a relationship with text on a screen. That's no way to live. Seems like he's mostly done everything right.
Maybe he’s done everything Right except telling me he liked me. He waited but it was bad timing. Also him arguing about what I was doing to him wasn’t right. I guess he was hurt
Just telling you would be committing to an intent. The chances aren't good if he just throws it out there, it's best to build a friendship first and grow closer, gradually transitioning into flirtation and attraction. Saying it early and failing means he gets nothing, not even friendship.
I think he tried to develop a friendship first but I guess he said it when he feltIt was best
Sounds about right.Girls are weird and tend to want to put guys into the "friend" or "suitor" boxes very quickly -- and even get pissed at guys because they feel like it's a betrayal or something to befriend her first. On the other hand, for guys to optimize their experience they basically need to do the opposite and ride the "undecided" state for as along as they can while gently leaning toward the "suitor" position in the hopes that she'll put you in that box. So naturally that hard to accomplish when women basically hate it and don't understand it. Getting emotional or insulting with girls over it isn't ideal, but while I wouldn't say I support it, getting mad over what is genuinely a frustrating situation seems an entirely natural response.
I don’t think it is normal what he did. His whole thing is if I’m not interested in anything we shouldn’t be texting. He didn’t like I kept everything to text and we didn’t hang out. He felt I liked her attention and only talked to him when I was bored
I mean, all of that sounds like a reasonable concern from him to me. I think the right way for him to handle that is that if she will only text then he should just not talk to her as much -- and when he does text he should be often offering meet ups and activities -- not just entertaining her.If there's no real meet ups then it's functionally the same as having a relationship with the phone itself. How is it different from an AI in your phone that can respond intelligently and make jokes? It isn't. So the inclination toward meeting up in person is good whether it's platonic or not or undecided.
Everything you said is exactly what he tried to do. He wasn’t spamming me with text. When I text him he responded and I reciprocated that. He tried to invite me out 1 on 1 and In groups but I wouldn’t go because why would I hang out with someone that likes me but I Don’t feel the same way? It doesn’t make sense
"why would I hang out with someone that likes me but I Don’t feel the same way?"To have friends and enjoy other people's company.But it's not like that reaction is usual in girls, lots get stuck on a hangup like that and that's one of the many ways in which these situations breakdown.So let me offer the alternative perspective from his position: Why should I be continue a relationship that is functionally identical to an AI in a phone?On an experiential level, you can't really be sure you're even speaking to a human. You're putting text into your phone and it spits text back at you. It's just having a relationship with the phone itself. It will never amount to any real world substantive human connection (at least based on your current intentions), so doesn't your position make just as little sense?
What you’re saying makes a lot of sense. But what he did by basically pretending to be friend until I change my mind is deceiving to me?
Unusual*Like I said, girls react like that all the time. It’s just a weird girl hang up thing. They often interpret it as some kind of betrayal, but that’s them projecting their nonsense onto the situation. The reality is that guys are just trying to develop a rapport. They’re trying to make the most of the situation, they’re not tricking you. They want to spend time with you and develop the connection, that’s all, where’s the lie?
The lie is he said he was okay being friends but in reality he just wants to get in my pants
No, because it’s true that it’s okay to be friends and it’s true that he attracted to you. Both can be true and *are* true. Girls don’t seem to get that. Like I said girls want to split guys into those boxes. This reflex you have to come to that conclusion is a byproduct of that.If anything, it should be obvious that friends are more attractive than strangers because of familiarity — that’s how guys would see it anyway.
I guess it’s up to me to reach out to me because we had an argument. He apologized but I didn’t respond because it didn’t seem sincere. Should I be expecting another message from himOr it’s up to me to reach out
If he took an action already then yeah it's kinda in your court at the moment.But beyond that, as a deeper philosophical aside, you shouldn't really expect anything from anyone. You should instead try to think of it in terms of what you can and can't control. Meaning, it doesn't matter "who's turn it is" or who is "supposed" to do what, but rather if you've got something to say or something you want to happen then the primary responsibility is on you to make it happen for yourself. So in this case, you can't control what he does. What you do have power over is your ability to communicate, so if you want to patch things up then you should take initiative and do it.
This is sad
This is what a man must do in order to find love , & eventually a mother for his future children.You’re going to have to just deal.
So is there justification for this guy being upset that he feels I led him on when I wanted friendship?
Yes there is SOME justification, but the blame is mostly on him. This is why the guy needs to make his aggressive move quickly when meeting a new gal. Doing some playful touching in sensual areas, flirty comments, going for a kiss, etc.That way, his intentions of romance are known much sooner to you, then you can let him know you just want to be friends.
Yea he is very shy so he probably didn’t know how to express stuff he probably was thinking since day one. Can’t fault him much. If you was friends with a girl and she only wanted to text would be satisfied? Would you eventually walk away?
If I’m ok with being friends, I’ll stick around
What’s the issue?
What if he flat out says I like you?
That's a different matter. Unless there's a restricting factor, he probably wants more than friendship. If there is something that would prevent you two from actually being together, he might just feel the need to express it to you and get it off his chest. He may want to be more than friends in that case, but that doesn't automatically mean he would take any actions to try to make that happen.
I think he wants a relationship but the thing preventing us from being together is I’m not attracted to him
Have you told him that?
Not until it was too late
Ah. Yeah. That's going to be rough. If you really like him and want to remain his friend, you're going to have to understand that he really wants it to be more. Don't lead him on, but try to be patient. He'll eventually get over you and everything will be cool is my guess. It just might take some time.
I do this lol. It's called having friends.
Okay so I’m happy I know this. I know He likes me so I avoid hanging out so I won’t lead him on but I text him. Clearly he doesn’t want friendship so what should I do?
That is true if men also only talk to other men because they are gay. Why would I not text ugly Tina but would text ugly Tom?
@-Asca- You text other dudes? Like long conversations? Cause I don’t... nor do I know any straight male who does.You text a buddy when you need something like advice or a quick message to let them know whats happening.
Well asking somone how their day was is not exactly what I consider a long conversation and the question neither specifically talks about texting, nor especially long conversations.
@-Asca- Doesn’t matter... you don’t text a dude and say “how was your day”... you don’t text a girl your not sexually interested in either. So stop trying to pretend you do.
They all want to fuck you. Lol
@SirBearon no sir, they do not... either they already have partners or not, but we literally hang out to play videogames, and they tend to be more intrested that my freezer is filled with boxes of mozzarella sticks...
The main reason anyone comes to my house is cause I cook, so they can bring the alchol
Are you even decently attractive gal? If you're honest with yourself, how would you rate yourself?
@Thatsamazing no idea, and dont really care enough.
We met at work
What did the two of you talk about?
The day we met we worked on a project together. Eventually we exchanged numbers and he helped me out when I had trouble with other guys
By that, I was thinking just friends.
That is what I thought then it went to saying I like you and he wants to hang out
How did you respond?
It seems like guys only talk to girls they’re sexually interested in.
That's often the case yes. They will often also try to hide that fact in the presence of these girls because they don't want to be seen as the horny dogs they are.
I think you’re right. Guys always say there are no benefits to having female friends.
Oh there are definitely benefits. I've relied on them for emotional support, advice, etc, and I've returned the favor happily... I've also had friends with benefits with them though. Would I have started the friendship without that prospect in mind? The cold truth is probably not. But maybe at this point in my life I would. Who knows?
I gave him these benefits but only through text and it put a strain on the friendship
Sorry to hear that :( If you gave him all of that and he couldn't handle it, it sounds like he's not the kind of guy friend you'd want anyhow. Hope you can have better luck in the future :)
Why you say that?
Because girls treat you like a guy even if you just want friendship or want relationship. If I am going to be treated like a guy then why not just flirt?
I’m confused by what you are saying?
By treating like a guy I mean girls treat you like someone who's after them even if you just want friendship. They want special care for them just because they are girls. I don't do that. I like to mess around. If I can't, I don't consider anyone as a friend. I have seen that eventho at times I wanted just friendship, girls started acting like I was after them which sucks.
My guy friend said the same thing. He liked me so how else am I suppose to treat him?
Well, if he likes you then he doesn't want "just friendship".
I understand that now. I kept in contact with him and it frustrated him because regardless of what I said he took it as I’m interested when I was just interested in friendship
He needs to move on. Tell him that you're not interested and block him.
That would be extreme. It’s not like he is spamming me with text. It is MutuaI
Here you go with your negative comments.
yeah keep asking dumb retarded questions.
How is this stupid question? Apparently some guys do it. Only you think with your dick.
She's just asking if opposite gender friendships exist. More or less. And I think even flake here is confirming the same thing in his own style. True? @TheFlake38