Can you relate to feeling like this?

Most times when I'm out I feel nothing. If you looked at me, I would probably look at you but my mind pretty much blank. With no thought, indifference.
After enduring years of bullying and panicking about keeping my job I started to suffer from severe anxiety to the point were I couldn't even get on a bus. Things settled down a little.
Then my father got sick I was so mixed up and confused. The only way to cope was silence, it filled the anxious place in me. I stopped thinking and feeling beyond basic needs. I only feel things when someone is forcing it because they don't like how calm I am, basically a person trying to dig and control and or trigger something in me so I become a nervous wreak. I would say this silence in me when my hormones are stable I feel happy again, like the old me...
But I've recently had to start taking photo's of my working environment because someone is playing games moving and changing things trying to make me believe I'm going nuts.. When I know I put things in the right place etc. I'm not crazy, I'm not bipolar or anything else.
I've just been subject to this type of things since I was young, my mum being my first bully. She told me she behaved this way because I didn't have siblings.-she needs to grow the hell up.
Can you relate to feeling like this?
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