My problem. Trying to understand or make sense of things. Instead of accepting and letting go. But I can't deal with the fact that either he was never honest or I was a giant fool. Because I don't get how someone can spend 6 months with you, make all these future plans, tell you they love you, talk every, come visit you every day and then tell you that they don't want a relationship. Why wait till I caught feelings? I mean if he only wanted sex he could have said so. It would have changed the relationship dynamics obviously but why pretend to be in a relationship when you don't want one. Hate it when people tell me I am so nice, because clearly with this example I am a big fool, who can't see the signs.
Like I said, he didn't say he just wanted sex because 9/10 girls would have bailed on the spot. I was going to give him a little benefit of the doubt and suggest that maybe he just didn't know and was spending time with to make a decision. But when you said he acted all shocked then... no.
Like another poster said, you are at the age where many things about relationships won't make sense. And as frustrating as it is, you will likely not get most of the answers. The only thing I think you could have done different is pinned him down sooner and had the "what are we" discussion before things got too cozy. Too many six months is well beyond the time to not know if your relationship goals match.
I explained that kind of awkward, do you get what I mean?
We talked about it twice, the first he was shocked (3 months into dating), the last time we talked about it he told me he had thought about being in a relationship with me but he had gotten an offer to go abroad so there was no point... he had one interview no signed contract... Do you know how many interviews I had that went absolutely nowhere?The conversation ended with him saying he did not want a relationship, the responsibility, to present me to his family & the emotional charge that came with a relationship... after 7 months of dating, he was the first one to say I love you (1 month after starting dating) & I was the one that caught feelings. I have so many emotions & can't even. Am I such an idiot? or he is just such an asshole?Why the hell lie? Why even say you thought of being in a relationship with me at all?
Tbh, I would say you and him share blame.
Hadn't read the last comment you had written. Thanks for your opinion.
We dated romantically for 6 months, he started to want to see me more and more until eventually, we were practically seeing each other every day. However, when I brought the subject of being in a relationship since we were acting like a couple, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Don't get why someone would want to spend so much time together, act as if they wanted something serious, and then said they don't want a relationship. Why not ask for a casual thing from the start?
He might be afraid of being abandoned or abused or maybe he doesn’t want the consequences of a serious commitment like marriage and children and joint home ownership and unconditional disability or sick leave support in the even of tragedy or watching the love of your life die when your both old or having you change and become mean because you’ve taken him for granted or maybe he is scared to have sex or get a girl pregnant
He is not gay. Extremely confusing but not gay. We had sex but not as much considering the amount of time we spend together. He seemed like he wanted a relationship but when we talked about it he said he was working on himself and didn't want a relationship. BUT who talks and spends his weeks for 6 months with someone and then not want anything?
in that case yes, he only wants the sex and not more
Why easy? Most of the time we didn't even have sex?
but sometimes you do. Sometimes is better than no times
Why would you invest so much time for 1 day of sex? Spending 7 days with someone for 1 day of sex, makes no sense to me. if you only wanted to have sex you could get it without that much effort.
People will invest insane amounts of time for the possibility. Both guys and girls.
I get it but it's still confusing...We slept together after the 2nd date, it wasn't that much time invested from either of us till then. And after that he started wanting to see me more and more, on dates not booty calls. So why not be honest? I mean who spends all their free time with someone and then acts shocked when approached with the are we in a relationship thing?
Rationally, nobody is upfront about their intentions. Can you imagine someone saying to you/you saying to them within 12 actual hours of dating, we're gonna bang? Nobody does that. Dating is a game; some players are good, some not so good. half the fun if you will, is figuring it out. Until you do so, it won't make any sense. The one commonality is people will wait whatever time it takes if they believe there's a possibility of consistent sex.
A lot of people are upfront with their emotions. Most people 2 dates in will tell you they are not looking for anything serious."The one commonality is people will wait whatever time it takes if they believe there's a possibility of consistent sex." You could have that with a booty call relationship, friends with benefits, casual sex, etc. What I don't get in my case is we dated for 6 months saw each other almost every day, if you don't want a relationship you see each other once a week, you hangout, have sex, all good and that's it. Why pretend to want a relationship and then 6 months into the relationship when the other person caught feelings say you don't want one?
Because if they did that, they'd have nothing. As I originally stated; some sex is better than nothing. You keep it until something else comes along. Ironically, nothing else usually comes along while you're spending time with the wrong person. You need to let go first; nobody does this however. They meet someone else is isn't right, jump into another relationship which is then destined to fail the same way
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Most of the time we didn't even have sex, he would ask me to go bowling or have a picnic in the river. What am I missing?
It’s just bones he’s throwing you to keep you around like you are
Not around anymore. Didn't want to be in that kind of situation anymore. But I don't get why would you not say from the start I want to have sex only. Why want to spend so much time together, he was the one that started asking for more days. Why want to be involve in my life then not want a relationship?
@askerBecause if he would have said that you would have bailed much sooner, and he knew that.