How can it be a friendship if I refuse to go near him?
Well you didn't mention that in your question or my answer would have been different. You can't unless you agree to fiends on social media only.
The problem I think nobody would agree to that if you live close to each other.
That's ok, they don't have to agree, but its only option they are gonna get. Or, don't give them any option at all.
I wish I could’ve communicated that to him from the start. Bad communication led to the demise of this situation
Well, we live and learn from our mistakes, right?
Absolutely. This is the first time so I hope this doesn’t define me and his character. Hopefully this doesn’t destroy our reputation
Don't worry, It won't.
I told him we are just friends but I think he isn’t interested in a text friendship. Also I don’t want to hang out with him so that causes a big issue
Yeah, keeping him around sounds kinda pointless. I’m not sure if this is just you wanting friends, but if it is, there are other ways to meet new people, who would love to be solely friends.
Based on what I said he doesn’t want to be solely friends?
I truly do not believe so, and I think that if you felt otherwise, then you’d be comfortable enough to even hang out with him.
You’re right. Does he have a right to feel used if I Just talked to him about other guys and only texted with him? I also texted him one time after midnight saying I was thinking about you.
If he does feel used, then given the situation I think he has a right to. You should ask yourself what exactly you’re looking for and why you seek it from him. Regardless, it’s kinda selfish and hurtful to know someone likes you, yet want their attention and/or advice about other men. Imagine if the roles were switched, I think you’d feel hurt and led on as well.
Which is why I stopped talking about other guys but maybe the damage was already done. He just never showed any signs that this bothered him. He only brought it up because he feels he was only good enough to be a friend in this sense. If he was really my friend he wouldn’t have no problem being there for me. It probably was selfish because I didn’t think about what he wants but he should communicate that to me and not after the fact In an argument. He probably wanted a relationship and I wanted to be friends so we just wanted two different things.
I agree, he should’ve expressed that this was bothering him rather than let it build up and tell you however long after the fact. It’s possible that he wasn’t sure how, and/or didn’t want to rock the boat with you. Still, what’s done is done, and all that’s left is to do the right thing going forward. Maybe one day he can put his feelings aside, but right now I just don’t think he’s in the right mindset to be a friend to you.
You’re right. We were both wrong in this situation. I don’t think one person deserves all the blame
It’s all good. The way I see it is these are all just learning experiences. We are simply human, and make mistakes more often than not. What’s important though is that we learn from our mistakes, take responsibility when we need to, and keep moving forward. So long as you’re doing that, then you will always be on the right track.
so basically you're just using this poor bastard as your emotional tampon
no you're 100% wrong no two ways about it
you screwed up not him.
and what is it about him that you don't like where you don't want to meet and don't want a relationship with him? what about him puts you off so much?
At first I talked to him about other guys but I didn’t use him at all. You’re making it seem like I owe him something. You sound like him. He screwed up because he wasn’t clear and he acted entitled
trust me guys are clear dumb but clear you just didn't give a shit about his feelings that's what it boils down to and hate being called out on it
He was just pretending to be a friend so he can date me why isn’t he wrong? Being a “nice guy”
@Rob17792 you have no right to hijack our conversation and berate the asker. You don’t have to agree with her actions, but you are not god or above a misstep in your own life.
who said he was pretending? or being a "nice guy" maybe you were just to conceited and blind to notice or give a crap
why because she won't admit to what everybody else already knows?
@HollyK21 why because she won't admit to what everybody else already knows?
@Rob17792 you mean she won’t be bullied into accepting your point of view? You are not offering a word of advice, simply using this as an opportunity to spew hate. Regardless, ask your own question and see yourself out of our conversation, respectfully.
i'm not bullying or spewing hate i'm simply stating facts. stating facts is not bullying
You’re right as you haven’t stated an opinion
@Rob17792 you are stating what YOU feel are facts, and that is fine, but your delivery completely sucks. You are not offering an opinion, but attacking her because you disagree. That is not what this site is meant for dude, because what you are saying is not helpful. No one wants to argue with you and honestly if you have nothing of use to say then dismiss yourself.
@asker I’m sorry that this dude felt the need to impose himself into our conversation and won’t leave it. Luckily is pretty much wrapped up what I needed to say when he decided to step in. But my username is visible, so if you’d like to talk about this anymore or just need judgment-free advice, don’t hesitate to reach out.💛
Thank you so much
@HollyK21 it is of use. The problem is you and her don't want to hear the truth because you're just like her and you refuse to admit it
What is the truth? I have yet to hear you state a opinion or anything of fact.
you did hear me say it you just don't want to accept it
@Rob17792 OR (and this is probably a foreign action for you so I can’t expect you to relate) I know how to offer ADVICE rather than spew hate (because yes you are, you’re just horrifically stubborn and one sided) and force my warped ass opinion onto others. Where is your constructive criticism? What piece of advice have you offered since you inserted yourself into our conversation. Not ONE thing. You’ve taken the opportunity to solely shame, bash her and relay all of the reasons you feel she is wrong. It is disgusting and you’re so blatantly bitter and unhelpful.
*and not force
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What should this friendship entail?
Talking about life and problems, routine and so on. Nothing sexual
Do we have to or should we want to spend time in person?
You should spend time in person. I think time is the most important thing a person can give to someone
Texting only isn’t recommended? How could we hang out if maybe he likes me?
Texting only with a chance to meet him doesn't fit right. You two should meet too
Then go lead him on and piss him off.
If I told him we are just friends there is no way I’m leading him on. Also I don’t hang out with him so he should understand
Okay but it most likely won’t work out
What guy wants to be just a texting buddy
well why don't you want to meet him? what about him that turns you off? how long have you known him for?
I’ve known him for 3.5 years. Nothing turns me off but I just don’t want to lead him on
ok so i'm really confused now. why don't you want to meet him? and why don't you want a relationship with him?
I don’t want to hang out with him because I could lead him on. I don’t want to date him because I’m not attracted to him. I don’t feel that way about him
ahh so now we're getting to the truth finally. so what about him aren't you attracted to? his looks? his personality?
His looks to a lesser extent his personality
so now we're getting to the real truth finally after 20 minutes. well let me ask you this have you taken a long good look at yourself in the mirror? just because you think you're beautiful doesn't mean other people will. one's person's idea of a beautiful woman could be totally different to another. one guy might find you attractive whereas another like myself could find you physically repulsive
and at this point emotionally and mentally repulsive going by all the conversations you had with people on here with this one question
but to each their own
What’s your point here?
my point is you may not be as good looking as you think you are, but are judgmental enough to criticize somebody else in terms of their looks
What is wrong with me having a preference and he isn’t it?
so now that we've gotten your ego out of the way what else about him don't you like? you said his personality? why because you insist on using him like an emotional tampon as one other poster said in a previous comment section?
nothing is wrong but the way you're going about it is wrong using him for your own amusement or as your own therapist. how about this if you want to keep using him as your emotional tampon at least pay the guy like you would a real therapist then you can babble on about your bullshit man problems. otherwise hire a real therapist and leave the poor sap alone
because at this point from the way you sound and the way you're talking it definitely sounds like you need major therapy for a lot of issues you got going on
He is a good person. I don’t use him as a emotional tampon at all. I ask him for advice on other guys and he listens and helps. I don’t make him do it. I stopped talking to him about other guys and we just chat so clearly I’m not using him for anything
no offense lady but from the brief interactions I've had with you and seen you have with others I can already tell you're a piece of shit and in need of some massive therapy for whatever screws loose you have upstairs which in this case appears to be a lot
and as guys say never stick your dick in crazy but if he's stupid enough to want to stick his dick in yours then he's crazier than you are
actually yeah you were as his emotional tampon
your* not his
It’s crazy you are saying all this about me when you don’t know enough about the situation. You have no proof I use him and at this point you sound like him. He is entitled and acts like I owe him something. I owe him nothing
I never once said you owe him anything. you're putting words in my mouth. but when you said you whine and bitch and complain to him about your man problems that right there is enough said that you don't respect him as a male or as a man and only using him as your emotional tampon. and the fact that you refuse to meet him well that's also enough said that you sure as hell don't respect him as a man either and only think of him as one of the girls who you can run and whine your male problems to which is pathetic on both of y'all parts
which was why I said what I did earlier that you need to have your head examined for treating him as shitty as you did
look you came on here asking this I told you it may not have been what you wanted to hear but it was the truth nonetheless and he is in no way acting entitled. if anything I feel bad for the poor sap being treated like shit by you
You haven’t seen the text and what he said. Clearly he acted entitled like a jerk. He said I was the only guy there for you and you will regret taking advantage of a guy that liked you. He wished me the best and said don’t text me until I apologized. He was arguing with me in a way that shows that he thinks I owe him something. Who talks to someone like that?
ahh I see. maybe he was the only guy there for you hoping you would go out with him when he listened to all your bullshit man problems. he was being the "nice guy". if you had said this piece of info sooner it would of been more helpful with this discussion. but you didn't. and the fact that you were using him as your emotional tampon proves you were just as wrong as he was. for future advice state stuff like this in your replies and answers and questions because key information like you just said is vital to a conversation to give better feedback
"He said I was the only guy there for you and you will regret taking advantage of a guy that liked you." if you had said this piece of vital information sooner it would of been more helpful. so basically he tried pulling the "nice guy always there to listen to your bullshit guy problems hoping some day i'll get the chance to go out with you shitstick act. the guy sounds like a massive manipulator and a massive piece of shit and it's best to stay away from a dipshit jerkweed like him. let me guess he's either a paki or indian or a pathetic white skinny guy (probably into computers or pc gaming bullshit) because reading that text he fits one of the three categories.
He probably just felt used because I was doing this but he wasn’t getting anything in return. This was happens when you are hurt. He felt I never treated him as a friend.
which you didn't you were treating him as your therapist who you didn't pay and he was listening to all your bullshit when he thought he would date you if he acted like the nice guy. you both fucked up
How could I have treated him as a friend?
by talking to him like a real person and not as your personal therapist
the way you talk to your other guy friends or female friends without all the hair makeup clothes shoes shopping men bullshit and actually sit there and talk like real people do
Only through text right?
you could oh I don't know pick up the phone and call him (may be a strange concept for you millennials but it does happen)
yeah you could hang out but make it crystal clear only as friends and nothing more
and if he starts acting like it's more deck him one in his stomach and walk away
I think he felt a way because I avoided him for years even when he invited me out In groups. Again communication was bad
Because he liked me
well that's something both you and him need to work on is better communication
I know this is going to sound strange but can you show me a pic of him and of you so I can get a better idea of the situation
I’m uncomfortable posting my picture anywhere on this site and I don’t have any pictures of him. I don’t understand how that would help anything
that's fine I understand. the reason I was asking was so I could get a better idea of what the two of you's were like personality wise. usually I can go by a person's looks and their personality most of the time but not always.
I’ve been told I’m attractive but I’m very tall. He is short and looks wise not the best
well how so? what about him physically don't you like?
He is short and fat. His face isn’t that attractive. I like black guys and he is black but I just wasn’t attracted to him
oh I see. I know a few black guys like that who are short and fat and ugly looking