Why did he stop?

Question

So... guy and I have been texting for a few weeks. We have finally met in person today. He noticed that I was shy. He kissed me and grabbed my bra... it was invited. But I was so shy and blushy. He dropped me off at my house after and the next thing I know, he is walking me to my door. I didn't realize that I just walked in and didn't say goodbye. Next thing I know we were kissing again and he took my top off and then came my bra. He said that he thought he better go because he didn't like how uncomfortable I seemed. I'm so confused because... I did want him.

I know that we keep saying we are friends. He wants to go slow so my feelings don't get hurt... but I didn't think he'd want a longterm relationship with me... why would he even care? I know that he said it would be weird at work but... I'm just confused. Was it because I was shy? Why did he stop? Was it me? Why does he care about my feelings if we are just... sexual friends.

Answer 1

talloak | 237 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Guru

It sounds like he stopped because of the reason he said: he couldn't tell that this is what you wanted. This is a good thing because he does care enough not to take advantage of you. Even if you wanted to go further, he couldn't be sure so he gave you the benefit of the doubt. If you do want more and feel that he is holding back because he doesn't know this, then it is up to you to let him know that you acted the way you did because you are shy and not because you are not interested in him.

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Asker

1 y
I told him that many times. Before all this, he told me for my sake we should go slow and easy so I'm okay with our friendship and emotionally. Which... I don't know what he means emotionally and I'm afraid to ask. I mean he knows that I want to... tried convincing him to stay so I could relax more and we could go further. Unless... its more for him emotionally? I felt like he fought himself the whole time.
talloak

1 y
I don't think his reactions reflect badly on you (that he does seem to be interested in you) or on him (that he seems to be trying to do the right thing). Doing the right thing is good, even if it's not what you want.
talloak

1 y
It's probably good to go slowly, just so long that one of you doesn't lose nerve entirely.
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Asker

1 y
I mean if he wants to date me, that's one thing. But last we talked on the relationship goal stuff.. he didn't want serious. Just light and casual with sex. That being said... I thought friends with benefits didn't matter when it came to speed.
Asker

1 y
I honestly wouldn't mind dating him... I like him a lot. Even if he's divorced, 20 years older, with 3 kids... which is why he's hesitant on seriousness. And he worried about friends judging and our common place of work getting weird. And he thinks I'm to young to say I don't want to birth kids... I'm 29 years old. I can make my own choices.

Answer 2

Asker

I told him that many times. Before all this, he told me for my sake we should go slow and easy so I'm okay with our friendship and emotionally. Which... I don't know what he means emotionally and I'm afraid to ask. I mean he knows that I want to... tried convincing him to stay so I could relax more and we could go further. Unless... its more for him emotionally? I felt like he fought himself the whole time.

Answer 3

talloak

I don't think his reactions reflect badly on you (that he does seem to be interested in you) or on him (that he seems to be trying to do the right thing). Doing the right thing is good, even if it's not what you want.

Answer 4

talloak

It's probably good to go slowly, just so long that one of you doesn't lose nerve entirely.

Answer 5

Asker

I mean if he wants to date me, that's one thing. But last we talked on the relationship goal stuff.. he didn't want serious. Just light and casual with sex. That being said... I thought friends with benefits didn't matter when it came to speed.

Answer 6

Asker

I honestly wouldn't mind dating him... I like him a lot. Even if he's divorced, 20 years older, with 3 kids... which is why he's hesitant on seriousness. And he worried about friends judging and our common place of work getting weird. And he thinks I'm to young to say I don't want to birth kids... I'm 29 years old. I can make my own choices.

Why did he stop?

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