Am I being too available?

Question

I met up with 3 people from online over the last few months. Met one twice and the other two once. I think it's time for me to focus on what I'm doing wrong and I'm open to suggestions.

The last one wasn't able to make solid plans, so I just threw out the days I was going to be around and available to go out for the night. I think that's the wrong way to go about it if I'm not mistaken. Making myself too available?

Over communicating? We would text/snap all day everyday. With people glued to their phones, it's too easy to send hundreds of texts per day.

I own my own business and find myself talking about it all the time. They show interest but I assume it gets boring to them.

I need new ideas, it's been over 3 years since I've been in a relationship and dating is getting exhausting.

Answer 1

Savvyymarie

Xper 2

I've had flings for the past two years, since the last time i dated was two years ago haha. I get where you are coming from and online dating sites can really suck. Im not out in the world enough to be able to just run into someone I find attractive that would mutually be interested (or single). I find having your own business very fascinating and in my opinion a big part of your identity currently. So of course its a conversation. The thing about dating apps is you find people with the wrong intentions and you don't seem like you are looking for a hookup. You want a real relationship almost every man and woman do. You'll go through hundreds of girls until you get lucky with that one special girl. If you continue to do online dating websites maybe you'll find her there, or you'll magically see her any place (probably really random) and be drawn to her. That's an instant connection through energy. I would suggest to talk to girls before the date if they stop talking to you or seem less interested or you just aren't interested after a week then you know its not the right one. Ugh I really hate dating apps. I think you should wait, the right person will come at the right time, dont push it. It'll surprise you, like a fairytale. You aren't too available. Keep doing you and doing what you're doing you seem like a great man. I would give those apps a break disable your account and delete the app. If dating was for you right now you wouldve already found a girl. Hope this helps!

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Savvyymarie

1 y
I've read through these comments and the guys sorry, but they really aren't good with their advice for this. It makes me really sad. Im currently talking to a guy and have been intimate with him for 7 months. And he's not always available he's works a lot but so do I. We see each other once a week if we're lucky. he's bad at texting and it really hurts especially mid conversation or when I know he's not busy. Its a turn off but we've known each other longer than we've been intimate so I've been in love with him and i accept it. I think of myself as a keeper. Which I know self centered but its true. I say do you shell come at the right time. Be yourself you can't push the right one away just the one that was never meant to stay
Asker

1 y
This is really good, thank you. I keep thinking about ways to win the last one back, then I think about the Sunday afternoons where she's sitting at home doing nothing and ignoring me when I ask if she wants to go out to dinner.

Answer 2

Savvyymarie

I've read through these comments and the guys sorry, but they really aren't good with their advice for this. It makes me really sad. Im currently talking to a guy and have been intimate with him for 7 months. And he's not always available he's works a lot but so do I. We see each other once a week if we're lucky. he's bad at texting and it really hurts especially mid conversation or when I know he's not busy. Its a turn off but we've known each other longer than we've been intimate so I've been in love with him and i accept it. I think of myself as a keeper. Which I know self centered but its true. I say do you shell come at the right time. Be yourself you can't push the right one away just the one that was never meant to stay

Answer 3

Asker

This is really good, thank you. I keep thinking about ways to win the last one back, then I think about the Sunday afternoons where she's sitting at home doing nothing and ignoring me when I ask if she wants to go out to dinner.

Answer 4

btbc92

Master

I don't necessarily believe this ever such thing as being too available. I believe people that think like that are usually those who don't appreciate the little things anymore so they tend to be the most miserable. So they often tend to make you miserable about being who you naturally are. A giver. Lot of selfish takers out there. Those type of women just take you for granted. That's why I do not believe in dating strangers let alone on a dating app or online situation platform. I believe that unless you are halfway across the world oh, you should get out and meet real people mingle and befriend actual people. Build relationships with those individuals and then see if you're compatible with that individual naturally. Not to try to force something to happen. Because oftentimes it won't happen. And even if it does, it may not work because you did not allow that relationship to flourish the way it needs to. Or it just wasn't meant to be to work out in the beginning. You're not going to be compatible with everybody. So the fact that anyone want to say oh just lower your standards are just speaking nonsense. Unless they were unrealistic. There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. In the end you just need to change your perspective how, who, and why. But those are definitely not the type of woman you should be investing.

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2 People

Answer 5

Gooblegobble

Xper 5

I don't even think it's a problem with making yourself too available. She was just not into it. If she wanted to see you, she would've been able to make a plan. People really aren't so busy that they can't find a couple hours sometime in the next few weeks. If you have to play games to get her to go to dinner with you, imagine the games when you're fully integrated into her life. Maybe talking less could help. I find I sometimes drag a conversation into boring territory by keeping it going beyond it's natural lifespan because I'm just excited to talk to this new person that I like. Don't drastically change who you are as a person just to get a girl, but yeah, maybe playing it a little more cool could work out.

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Asker

1 y
I'll say what I just said above, it's hard to not communicate all day when I sit at a desk for my job and my phone is right next to me all day. Then I feel I'm being fake and fabricating replies if I wait

Answer 6

Asker

I'll say what I just said above, it's hard to not communicate all day when I sit at a desk for my job and my phone is right next to me all day. Then I feel I'm being fake and fabricating replies if I wait

Answer 7

SoapySandwich

Xper 4

Talking about your business in depth will get boring yes. Gotta gear your conversations to something thatll keep her interested. Only hint at your business at most and talk about it briefly when asked about it.

Try not to over message or make yourself seem overly available. They are tell tale signs of desperation (even if you aren't desperate you dont want to give off those signs).

Think about each message you send. Is it adding to your chances, are they reacting well. Also dont respond too quickly. If a girl can't make it on a day you suggested dont tell her how available you are. Just respond politely and try again at a later stage. Preferably after trying to build more value with her.

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Asker

1 y
Thank you

Answer 8

Asker

Thank you

Answer 9

mindNsoul

Explorer

Listen being vailable for the right woman is not wrong. The reason I said the right woman is because she is a woman who would respect your schedule in the first place and not walk over you. So be you just wait a bit to see her truly before throwing away your schedule for the wrong women. They're going to leave you anyway.

Being attentive and available is very amazing to be honest. But the minute you said people are glued to their phones and sending hundreds of texts everyday all day. It give a vibe that you're clingy. Clingy people drain, overwhelm, and saffocate their partners.

All I'm saying be attentive and be available. That's by itself is not bad. Just don't overdo it because one will saffocate your partner and the other will make you subjected to being used by the wrong people. Have boundaries and wait before you give yourself fully.

Otherwise you sound like a catch tbh

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Asker

1 y
It's hard to not communicate all day when I sit at a desk for my job and my phone is right next to me all day. Then I feel I'm being fake and fabricating replies if I wait
mindNsoul

1 y
as long you're okay with her responding on her own time I guess
Asker

1 y
They usually reply back immediately once we start talking
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mindNsoul

1 y
everyone kinda does at the start but it can get overwhelming. But that's just my opinion.

Answer 10

Asker

It's hard to not communicate all day when I sit at a desk for my job and my phone is right next to me all day. Then I feel I'm being fake and fabricating replies if I wait

Answer 11

mindNsoul

as long you're okay with her responding on her own time I guess

Answer 12

Asker

They usually reply back immediately once we start talking

Answer 13

mindNsoul

everyone kinda does at the start but it can get overwhelming. But that's just my opinion.

Answer 14

Brian___1731 | 54 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Xper 6

I think you should focus on your business more. And stop telling people stuff, make them talk more and listen. Reality is everyone loves talking about themselves and their problems. And if someone loves to listen to you you like their presence. Just keep a balance, don't be too available unless she's also okay with it. Usually it's better not to constantly communicate. It's better to make them wait so they're happy to meet you whenever you do meet them. Plus wouldn't she also have other work to do?

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1 Person

Savvyymarie

1 y
Ugh I liked your comment then unliked it. WRONG WRONG WRONGGGGG. I agreed with the focusing on his business. But if a female is truly into him she will want to have him texting her of course not 24/7 but like a good morning, if you have a conversation going dont wait forever to text back believe it or not with a good female its a turn off and also really saddening. If she's not okay with the availability then dont change it to being unavailable or less available. A female truly interested will get excited to see you no matter what. You dont want a woman that doesn't actually want to see you all the time, it shows lack of interest unless she lives a very busy life. If she explains and helps you understand thats what's important. If you had said "just make sure you dont put pressure on it, just because you're available doesn't mean she is."
Brian___1731

1 y
Yeah but work should come first
Savvyymarie

1 y
Agreed
Show All Show Less
Brian___1731

1 y
I was just trying to say don't be too needy, have a balance
Savvyymarie

1 y
Yeah agreed but if he's not being needy and its just someone's blank opinion then its just not right
Brian___1731

1 y
Yeah

Answer 15

Savvyymarie

Ugh I liked your comment then unliked it. WRONG WRONG WRONGGGGG. I agreed with the focusing on his business. But if a female is truly into him she will want to have him texting her of course not 24/7 but like a good morning, if you have a conversation going dont wait forever to text back believe it or not with a good female its a turn off and also really saddening. If she's not okay with the availability then dont change it to being unavailable or less available. A female truly interested will get excited to see you no matter what. You dont want a woman that doesn't actually want to see you all the time, it shows lack of interest unless she lives a very busy life. If she explains and helps you understand thats what's important. If you had said "just make sure you dont put pressure on it, just because you're available doesn't mean she is."

Answer 16

Brian___1731

Yeah but work should come first

Answer 17

Savvyymarie

Agreed

Answer 18

Brian___1731

I was just trying to say don't be too needy, have a balance

Answer 19

Savvyymarie

Yeah agreed but if he's not being needy and its just someone's blank opinion then its just not right

Answer 20

Brian___1731

Yeah

Answer 21

sabwafair

Xper 4

Make yourself Valuable. Be Honest. Say I'm looking for my best possible Match so I can be happy without going through the Heart Break of Breaking up.

Explain that you're currently not sleeping with others ( true or not) but you are chatting and meeting others.

The ones that are not interested in you will disappear.

The ones that like you will shoot for a Relationship.

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Answer 22

navyrobin

Xper 6

When you wanna make someone fall in love, don’t be too available. Be mysterious and captivating. Build tension between both of you and then soothe it. Appear confident even if you aren’t, like you don’t give two shits and you’re just living life. Don’t depend on their time. Your time is precious.

Has worked for me every single time when I’m truly interested in someone.

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3 People

Savvyymarie

1 y
But this is why those people are your ex! You weren't able to be yourself, someone should love you unconditionally for who you truly are. Not the act you put on for them, even if you're lonely or miserable. Dont change yourself to fit a box. Be you and surely you'll be outside of the box, to the right people. Trust me being outside of the box is a good thing
Savvyymarie

1 y
And its obvious if they didn't like you for you they just didn't like you not your fault not your loss. You should never see things as if you have to change yourself for someone to love you. You can always work on yourself to become a better you, but putting on an act is never right, if you do that to the wrong person instead of being yourself then you might miss out on someone really great because they aren't interested in a stuck up girl. Really sorry but thats the cold truth. Thats how I see a lot of average type of woman cold distant trying to act mysterious that what the guy will see as well. Unless you like having a douche boyfriend.
PaganWarrior

1 y
@Savvyymarie

Well said. Perfect replies.
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Asker

1 y
Sunday afternoon I sent a text that said "I get the hint now, hope you find what you're looking for." Haven't heard from her since.
navyrobin

1 y
@Savvymarie They should love you for who you are but that comes later. If you wanna make a good first impression you that’s another story.

@Asker Oh you shouldn’t have said that /: but oh well
Asker

1 y
That was 3 hours after I asked if we were still going to dinner with no reply.
navyrobin

1 y
@Asker Let her go

Answer 23

Savvyymarie

But this is why those people are your ex! You weren't able to be yourself, someone should love you unconditionally for who you truly are. Not the act you put on for them, even if you're lonely or miserable. Dont change yourself to fit a box. Be you and surely you'll be outside of the box, to the right people. Trust me being outside of the box is a good thing

Answer 24

Savvyymarie

And its obvious if they didn't like you for you they just didn't like you not your fault not your loss. You should never see things as if you have to change yourself for someone to love you. You can always work on yourself to become a better you, but putting on an act is never right, if you do that to the wrong person instead of being yourself then you might miss out on someone really great because they aren't interested in a stuck up girl. Really sorry but thats the cold truth. Thats how I see a lot of average type of woman cold distant trying to act mysterious that what the guy will see as well. Unless you like having a douche boyfriend.

Answer 25

PaganWarrior

@Savvyymarie

Well said. Perfect replies.

Answer 26

Asker

Sunday afternoon I sent a text that said "I get the hint now, hope you find what you're looking for." Haven't heard from her since.

Answer 27

navyrobin

@Savvymarie They should love you for who you are but that comes later. If you wanna make a good first impression you that’s another story.

@Asker Oh you shouldn’t have said that /: but oh well

Answer 28

Asker

That was 3 hours after I asked if we were still going to dinner with no reply.

Answer 29

navyrobin

@Asker Let her go

Answer 30

thimmslicc

Xper 5

Yes, I would be super glad you have your own business. But it does get boring to hear about it.
Try a new hobby. Get out if your comfort zone.
If its too easy, nobody would want it. Just saying.
Don't do the online dating. It's disgusting. Strangers only show what they want. And here comes you, honest independent self. They will take advantage. Finding someone in person tells a better story!

Goodluck.

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1 Person

ManhattanMan1212

1 y
Can I ask you a question
thimmslicc

1 y
Yes?
ManhattanMan1212

1 y
Would you dump a very attractive and great man just because he doesn’t have a big penis
Show All Show Less
thimmslicc

1 y
If he's an asshole, sarcastic all the time. he's good looking, so he might be cocky, just to hide his small peen problem.
No. His personality is the kicker
ManhattanMan1212

1 y
So you would continue dating a guy with a average size if his personality is great?
thimmslicc

1 y
Yeah. I prefer average. The big d needs too much work.
ManhattanMan1212

1 y
Im 7 inches and 4.7 inches thick. Is that a good size
thimmslicc

1 y
4 in thick? Um... that's not good lol

Answer 31

ManhattanMan1212

Can I ask you a question

Answer 32

thimmslicc

Yes?

Answer 33

ManhattanMan1212

Would you dump a very attractive and great man just because he doesn’t have a big penis

Answer 34

thimmslicc

If he's an asshole, sarcastic all the time. he's good looking, so he might be cocky, just to hide his small peen problem.
No. His personality is the kicker

Answer 35

ManhattanMan1212

So you would continue dating a guy with a average size if his personality is great?

Answer 36

thimmslicc

Yeah. I prefer average. The big d needs too much work.

Answer 37

ManhattanMan1212

Im 7 inches and 4.7 inches thick. Is that a good size

Answer 38

thimmslicc

4 in thick? Um... that's not good lol

Answer 39

schoolishal

Xper 3

Bro that. Happen to me like 2 weeks ago and I was just confused so I just kept going as I was and that is all I did and I lost 2 of them and ladies I'm not talking about them like objects I just don't know how I can put it and sorry I did not answer your question

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Answer 40

Shananonononon

Xper 5

Dont be to available or to attentive to females. Work on your own thing, make them feel replaceable. Do not act out of scarcity, do not give women the thought that you need them. Do your thing and if a woman can't find a reason to hang out with you, just find another

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Answer 41

Imcmullan

Explorer

Listen, keep being you. Women like an attentive man! This i can assure you. Mature women don't want to play mind games. Just make sure you are not just talking about yourself... its OK to do so however don't be one of those people who likes the sound of their own voice. We (women) like to know that you are interested in us aswell... ask questions about their lives.

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1 Person

Shananonononon

1 y
Women like attention, not attentive men

Answer 42

Shananonononon

Women like attention, not attentive men

Answer 43

Zealashton | 79 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Xper 6

dude, stop the online dating crap, it won't work, stick with makeing videos, doing hobbys, w/e if you find a penny pick it up , and all day long you will have good luck

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Answer 44

EssenceOfLight | 145 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Explorer

Maybe... Being a little bit arrogant and distanced looks from outside more self-confident than being unconditionally available. Don't sell your time cheap however remain approachable.

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Answer 45

Anonymous

Only dating is a white man white privileged game. Women are white washed and been taught to think white is better their own lifes

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1 Person

Answer 46

Anonymous

Maybe it time for you to play hard to get

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5 People

Savvyymarie

1 y
Thats not very good advice at all, he should be himself. Playing hard to get will put him at a disadvantage, not only that he's lowering his own morals and character to do so.

Answer 47

Savvyymarie

Thats not very good advice at all, he should be himself. Playing hard to get will put him at a disadvantage, not only that he's lowering his own morals and character to do so.

Answer 48

Anonymous

waste of time MGTOW

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Am I being too available?

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