I like him, but I find this a little bit odd. Should I be concerned?
Does being engaged 3 times sound like a red flag?

I like him, but I find this a little bit odd. Should I be concerned?
- Concerned? Should I be concerned that I as responding too an anonymous person about a relationship senario I know nothing about, other than that one it involves you, Mr or Mrs. anonymous, some guy that got cheated on and was hurt in a relationship previously, and apparently doesn't want to get hurt again, and the person that hurt him.
I don't even know who it is you are concerned about, be it him, his unfaithful ex, you, a concerned 4th. party, or what. The only red flags I see hear, is the possibility of you taking relationship advice from strangers with so little information too go on.
Fortunately for you, I have an example of an engagement senario involving the mother of a good friend of mine who was engaged to her second husband for 10 years. Apparently her first marriage was such a debacle, that she had no intention of experiencing a third. They have been happily married for over two decades now, with no indication of any marital problems other than whatever minor disagreements that every married couple has at one point or another, that have no worse consequences than great makeup sex.
Engagements are a trial run for married life, and a long engagement gives a couple time too get too know each other and experience married life before tying the knot.
As far as any trust issues you may, or may not have with this guy based on his disclosure of this information, I see the fact that he chose too share this personal information with you as an indication that he trusts you, and showing the same trust to him might be a point in your favor.2|10|0Is this still revelant? - Yes, it is a red flag. There is something wrong with him, either emotionally (insecurity, fear, anxiety, bad experience etc) or he has a bad intuition and therefore picking the wrong women to marry with.
If he picked the right woman, this would never happened (being cheated on). It's not bad he was engaged 3 time with the wrong women, it just means he should be cautious the next time when it come to picking the right women.1|10|0Is this still revelant?Sometimes you can pick the "right" person and still get cheated on. Sometimes you just don't know if a person is going to cheat.
@Evergreen79 That's the risk you have to take if you want tp experience love. There is no such thing as 100% guarantee.
People who cheat even if they love you, are insecure. They think they don't deserve their partner or feel like they are worthless.- Show All Show Less
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- That's a red flag. I get maybe one or even two (like, maybe he was really young and he got "engaged at 17" but then she moved away and then cheating long distance, and then he tried again the second time and then like she cheated 'for no reason'.
Three times suggests that he either:
1) isn't handling relationship problems/ doesn't communicate very well which leads to a desire to look for more aka cheating or
2) has a bad metric for picking partners, where is he finding all of these women that eventually think they can do better than him
3) is possibly a flight risk himself as getting cheated on hurts deep, but can also lead to future self sabotaging behaviors which drive partners away2|00|0Is this still revelant? - Did he tell you how long he was with these women? One concern would be that he proposes way too early, before he really know the person by heart.
Another is if he can be very jealous. Not letting his girl do a lot of things, like hang out with her friends, and lead for the girl to leave him by cheating.
So just find out a bit more about it and judge yourself if you think he is a good person by getting to know him better.3|00|1Is this still revelant?
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3161- That's what engagements are for.
That's the time to take a relationship for a serious test drive and it's the last opportunity to change your mind. The only red flag I see is that this guy has very poor taste in women. You have to be one hell of a fucking worthless slut to not even be able to keep your legs closed when you're engaged to somebody else. Some guys have a huge blindspot when it comes to women, and they just can't see all the warning signs that are so obvious to everyone else. But women are more promiscuous and self-absorbed now than they ever have been before, and a lot of them are behaving quite openly and even brazenly in ways that they wouldn't have even behaved in secret during generations past.
Personally, I think the biggest red flag here is that you're extremely judgmental and you like to leap to conclusions based on prejudice and emotion that has nothing to do with the facts of the case. That's way more troubling. People who are always LOOKING for something to be wrong usually find it sooner or later, and most often, it wasn't there until they started looking for it and just wouldn't let it go. You can very easily manifest a problem from nothing by pretending it's there when it's not. You "meme" them into reality.
I wouldn't marry you, I find that quality of yours extremely unattractive. You should take what you can get, you're not as great a catch as you think you are.0|01|0We were never -not- even, silly.
You asked for the opinions of strangers, and I obliged you. Perhaps you should have been more specific and asked for validation instead?She asked you to answer her questions with your opinion on if it's a red flag to you, not to start assuming things about her you have no business trying to assume. I don't disagree that maybe she's being a little hypocritical, but notice the maybe. I don't know. I made an assumption off of incomplete info, so my assumption shouldn't be taken super harshly or personally.
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@MintChocolateChip I didn't make an assumption, I made a deduction based entirely on her own words.
Worlds of difference.Someone who has been engaged 3 times then canceled them all shows impaired judgement. Don't be surprised if he proposes to you too and then cancels it again. Just like a criminal record shows a lot about an individual. Dating history also shows a lot about you too.
- Yea that would raise some red flags and I would really reconsider being with someone like that , He claims his 3 fiancé’s all cheated on him? So the question is why did they really cheat on him? You could be number 4 lol I honestly don’t get girls that fall for guys that were married like 3 or 4 times , like what the fuck is the girl thinking getting involved with a guy that has a track record like that? 1 time understandable but 3 or 4 times , if I was that guy I would never marry again , people are fucking nuts3|00|0
Honestly you shouldn’t even give him a chance to be honest , Getting engaged to someone pretty much means you dated that person for a long time to the point you feel you can spend the rest of
Your life with them , unless this dude is just desperate and he put an engagement ring on their finger after 2 weeks he dated them lol but a normal person wouldn’t propose to someone unless they feel they really have a connection , and great chemistry and again that takes awhile , so for him to get
To that point with these 3 girls just goes to show his intentions of getting married are what probably freaked these girls out to cheat on him , He probably thinks by putting a ring on a girls finger that he now owns her and she has to do what he says , he is probably a controlling asshole , for 3 fiancé’s to all cheat on him that goes to show it’s not the girls it’s him- Show All Show Less
No reason to judge someone , people that judge others have their own issues to deal with because bottom line , what you do is your choice , we all aren’t perfect people , so to say whether you are right or wrong it doesn’t matter , all I can do is give advice on what I would do in that sorta situation , but what you choose to do is on you , You can say fuck you Finchie40 I am giving this guy a chance , all I can say is good luck hope it works out for ya lol
- Asker2 d
"No reason to judge someone , people that judge others have their own issues to deal with because bottom line , what you do is your choice..." - Thank you for understanding that. I'm not going to say f*** you Finchie40 Lol I really appreciate your advice. :) Thank you for wishing me good luck, I'll see what happens next.
- You make it sound like the poor guy who has a bad streak of women has no right to get a decent one. This is if you're, in fact, a decent one, which we obviously don't know from your post. This is like saying if someone gets mugged it's a red flag. Also, the lot of people saying he should've picked better probably just never found out when they got cheated on. Pretty much everyone gets cheated on at some point in their lives. It's just one of those things that happen, especially in today's society. It's not as if he was married. He got engaged, which is basically a promise that one day you'll marry, then found out they were breaking that promise with their unloyalty, and end of story. It doesn't seem like a very big deal to me0|00|0
- Anonymous1 d3 times is something. He's either had really bad luck, but probably just rushed things and got engaged too soon. But as I've learned myself (not the same situation), some people can be terrific actors/actresses. So I'm sure you can't shine the spotlight solely on him. I wouldn't say "red flag", but if I was proceeding in a relationship like this, I would definitely keep that in mind that the person might tend to rush things and proceed with caution. I'd also find out all about it and what happened exactly.1|00|0
- No. People who tend to cheat exchange their partners quite often, that's why probability to start a relationship with a cheater is much higher than with someone who doesn't cheat. His only mistake that he has being engaged with wrong girls and he didn't learn anything.
Most guys started and continued a relationship with a girl who has been still in one that slowly decayed. However majority isn't foolish enough to believe they are someone special for the girl and she won't cheat on them like she did with the guy beforehand. Being engaged with this type of girl is completely pointless and the best way is to dump her before she starts to cheat.
Mistake of guy you're dating is likely his ignorance and lack of situational awareness.2|00|0 - I think so.
What does it say about a guy that has said, "I want to spend the rest of my life with YOU." to three different women?
I have seen that weak guys NEED an extra level of security in their relationships, so they ask their girlfriend's for marriage. The girl almost always cheats on them. Sound familiar?
Dodge this bullet and find a new guy.2|00|0 - Either he has a bad choice in women or he's the problem. Seems like a red flag to me. Maybe he's toxic and controlling after getting engaged and his actions lead to them cheating. He could also be making it up and he was in the wrong in all of those relationships
He could be been the one cheating for all you know. 3 engagements is a lot and I dont think it's a coincidence2|00|0 - This is definitely odd, but I think you need to explore the situation a little bit more. He could just be lying to make you sympathetic towards him, in which case you shouldn’t be with a guy like that.
Those situations are probably complicated and he’s just saying that. I wouldn’t say it’s an overt red flag but more of a yellow warning sign.2|00|0Yeah it’s a possibility. But it sounds like you don’t know enough to tell. Maybe as he reveals his personality more then you’ll be able to
- How long until he got engaged in each case. Does he have a thing for 'bad girls' or girls that are more likely to cheat. How did he find out in each case. Was there a reason why he was cheated on rather than just disposed of. Is he lying about the reason the engagements failed. Those are the questions I would be thinking.2|00|0
- Haha... he has me beat. Only two of my ex-fiancés cheated. One just turned out to be hell is all. To their credit they married the men they cheated with which strangely the next guy a woman sees (or starts ti see in the cheats’ case), they always end up marrying. I am kind of like the marriage prep boyfriend/date. It has been a strange theme since reaching adulthood.
Anyway, is it a red flag? Only if you make it out to be. He might be the beat guy for you ever but hold his ex-fiancés over him or even give them more thought than they deserve and you will never know because you decides to go with making the entirety of his worth, those failed relationships. It is a form of sabotage...0|00|0 - I do not think you should be concerned. Women cheat more than men and just get caught less often. I actually took a survey over a year for my college and the surrounding towns and figured this out. Being engaged does not mean the fiancee will stay faithful. If nothing else is amiss, I would not be concerned.1|10|0
That could be true. There could be something wrong with him. Then again, there is something wrong with everyone. Has he been mean or abusive to you? This might sting to hear, but the simple truth is that the quality of women have gone downhill so the odds are good that all 3 cheated without any good reason. Maybe they had unrealistic expectations. My advice is to not worry about his past. Watch how he treats you and people in general (waiters/waitresses, strangers, etc.) and make your own judgement based off that.
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That sounds good. How he treats people he has no special ties to will show you his real character. Also watch how he treats animals.
That seems like a good sign to me. Animals are good judges of character. I'd be more concerned if he was opposed to having pets (unless there is a good reason i. e. you already have some and he does not want too many). If a man cannot love an animal, what does that say for how he will love humans? There are many ways to watch someone's character without them knowing you are doing so, but they all take time. Just observe him and do not move too fast in the relationship. Time tells all tales.
- actually, no since those relationships didn’t end because of him specifically. Honestly I would take it as if he is willing to commit and be old serious about you if you guys get to that point. Just sounds like he had picked very terrible woman to get on the knee for. If anything I feel more bad for him than anything1|00|0
Plus if kraken says anything I usually pick the opposite the guy is spiteful lol
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- I would be more concerned by the fact that each time he was engaged the female cheated on him. Is he really really bad at picking a female out to date or is there something he isn’t telling you. He may want to be married but so scared he self sabotaging by dating non-marriage type women.2|00|0
- Assuming it's true the red flag would be he not learning from his mistakes. He shouldn't get married in today's society. Other then that no, them cheating on him is them being bad. He clearly can't find and spot a good one, he must be using dating apps.2|10|0
- Anonymous3 dThat is a red flag... if he was cheated on 3 times with 3 different women sounds like either he has really bad taste in women, and you should figure out that pattern if you do get into a relationship with him. Or that he is narcissistic and doesn't reciprocate the other persons needs.1|00|0
- Not really. I’m a perfectly decent human being with good intentions and ability to commit yet my ex fiancé cheated on me twice and we broke up twice. Sometimes people can be blinded by love. The fact that he’s opening up about it says a lot too!2|00|0
I understand but it could just be his judgement. I don’t think it means he has a bad character. My point is don’t let that ruin something that has the potential to be amazing. For me it doesn’t seem like a dealbreaker.
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Ah, I see!
Are there any other red flags that compliment this one? And I also think we're so lucky to have the gift of intuition... what does your gut tell you?I see... okay how about you try and take things slow and just be overall aware of this feeling. I’m sure within time things will come to surface if they need to - they always do. But having said that, don’t let this alone ruin something that has the potential to be really good. Good luck!
- Maybe maybe not. Some people can see the potential in a relationship where others can't. Maybe he doesn't place weight on the superficial but feels he is able to work at things with a person.
Or maybe he is a fantasist and wants to be married for marriage sake. I think you gotta get to know the guy and weight it up against what you want and can tolerate and see fit your future with him.
What qualities make him marriage material for you, etc.2|00|0 - Not necessarily. You should get to know him better, find out what happened, and see if he knows what’s his contribution of what went wrong with his past relationships. Some people just have bad luck. Story of my life.2|00|0
- No, but his taste in women he felt comfortable committing with sounds a bit off... Kind of reminiscent of women who keep landing themselves with abusive men.2|10|0
- Speak to his family and friends as soon as you can, before making any commitments. Could be he's spinning a story for your sympathy.
But losing/breaking engagements is not a big deal (aside from the money on gifts and trips you lose) as you'd rather cut ties then, than have to go through a messy divorce later.1|00|0 - Sounds like a yellow flag. If it's true that they all cheated on him, then he's not good at picking a partner. It's enough to legitimately wonder about it and look more closely. It would be interesting to hear the other side of the story if you have a way to check out what really happened.1|00|0
- Cheating is only forgiven at most once and usually not at all - if the engagement broke down three times it is probably because of domestic violence whether physical or emotional but usually both2|00|0
- I just want to start off to say... that an engagement from him wouldn’t even feel special if he’s out in the streets proposing to ever girl that walks by lmao. The verdict: Sussss. 🚩2|00|0
- It's possible he's telling the truth, but it is a bit of a red flag. I would say more of a pink flag. Try to find out more.2|00|0
- If he's the one proposing, it can be a red flag because he may propose too soon a lot OR use it as an attempt to mend already broken relationships. Otherwise, if they proposed which i doubt they did, then its not quite a red flag for him2|10|0
- Everyone will tell you there is something wrong because most people are naturally cautious. Saying no to everything is a great way to do nothing in life.1|10|0
Just a question but how many times have you been cheated on? Or it the being engaged three times part that bother you?
If I knew what I knew about marriage now and about having children I would probably still be single if I knew then what I know now
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I would just tell him your concerns. Ask him if there are any ex's you can talk to. If he doesn't have a good recommendation from any ex's (not ex-fiances) then maybe be concerned. If the ex's give good reviews then you can feel a little better. If he gets mad when you ask that is a big red flag. b
Got to give him some benefit of the doubt. Have you tried to dig deep,?
I can tell you this, when I was really in love, even a bad report wouldn't have stopped me. Sometimes even when you know the chance is one in a million you still take it, and you love the ride, even if it ends in destruction.
Memories are what we collect.
- little bit. Could be he asked too early in relationship. Too eager to get married though is a red flag to me. Might be some immaturity there as a good relationship needs mature throughly thought out decisions being made2|00|0
- That's really odd but I would still be intrigued and probably give him and chance as a friend to see if he's a bad or a good person and what could've possibly motivated those girls to cheat on him and leave him after being engaged to him.2|00|0
If not Sharia then just female circumcision to keep them chaste and virtuous. Tho I still prefer Sharia.
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- I wouldn't say a red flag but it is something. How long was he seeing these women before they were engaged? How long were they engaged before the breakup?1|00|0
- It sounds like he's to quick pulling the trigger. He asking women too fast to marry him. He didn't give enough time to get to know them before he asked.1|00|0
- it sounds like his last partner was in the wrong, and he was just trying to make it work. i don't know the whole story, so don't take my word for it, but from what you said that's what it sounds like1|00|0
- Yes, but inquire further about it. It's unusual and it's legit to want to know more,1|00|0
- Not necessarily. People are young and more carefree with their decisions at some point. But if it is later in life when one is fully aware of their actions it may indicate that person needs to break from relationships until they are sure of what they want.1|00|0
- its better to find the real truth, whether he cheated on them or they cheated on him1|10|0
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i know you like him, but my advice is don't get so much attach to him until you find the truth. because if you got too attached to him, you will not be able to forget him even though you know the truth. always prepare your life for the worst
- Use your own intuition when it comes on to these things. Even though being engaged thrice seems a bit much.0|00|0
- Obviously not a red flag.. but he must be doing something wrong1|00|0
He probably doesn't know.
Alright as a girl POV don't you think there must be something wrong?- Show All Show Less
Everyone deserves a chance. Don't they? Maybe he turns out to be a real prince charming 😂
Now you're acting like me.. lol No need to overanalyze people. Just leave the things as they are
- Hate to say this but a lot of men use these stories to test you and get sympathy out of you. When reality they are the reason for these issues1|00|0
- someone I know was married 2x. She was onto #3 (tied sticking her venom in me)1|00|0
well 1st guy cheated on her, 2nd not too sure. she's very.. shall I say.. demanding with a case of bipolar / borderline personality. So Im believing so
- Ask and ask and talk to him, never ask strangers about something infront og you not them.1|00|0
- Yes, big red flag.
Sounds that she is a ring collector.0|00|0 - No not at all ,, i think my boobs sag. Sound like red flag more than engaged 3 TIMES does1|00|0
- Maybe he just has really bad luck in love. Or there’s something he’s not bringing up4|00|0
- no not a red flag but, it does say something about him1|00|0
- Yes. There may be exceptions or their relationships my have ended in ways out of their control or mutually, but thats a tall order in my book.1|00|0
- Anonymous4 dSounds like what happened to the other 3 women he proposed to0|00|0
- Get their names and find out if it's true, and yes, you should be concerned.1|00|0
- Be concerned if he'd been officially declared dead three times. Because then it's social security and insurance fraud.0|10|0
- There could be more to his story, but cheating is extremely common these days. So, he could simply be a nice man looking for the right woman.3|00|0
- Yes.
he's either lying or something wrong with he’s character1|00|0 - It’s very possible he’s just having some terrible luck so far.1|00|0
- Yes.. at some point the same women like him too and you can see the outcome.0|00|0
- Sounds like he is impulsive and has impaired judgment.2|00|0
- And maybe it was the opposite2|10|0
- Yeah, a little bit. He might of picked some bad girls or proposed too quickly2|00|0
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