Boyfriend said “thanks” after I said I love him?

Question

So I’m confused. We have been together for 18 months. I told him I love him and he replied with thanks lol. When I asked him how does he feel he replied when I’m comfortable saying it I will say it.

Ummm what? It’s been a year and a half of a relationship and he’s not comfortable saying he loves me. I’m guessing this means he doesn’t? Please help how am I supposed to take this? I don’t know anyone else’s boyfriend that doesn’t love them after this long :(

Answer 1

DeathJack

Xper 5

Everyone works differently, “not comfortable saying it” could mean many things, honestly, if you’ve been together this long, just ask him. There’s nothing wrong with “Could you explain this to me? Just so I have some peace of mind” do your best to not make it sound like an accusation, or that he’s wrong. Because when it comes to love, it’s a far more complex and intimate thing, than just saying it because of a time frame.

Asker

8 d
Hmm what do you think he means by not being comfortable saying it? My worry is he just doesn’t feel that way yet. I did ask and he said he finds talking about feelings awkward
DeathJack

8 d
Maybe actually putting those feelings into words, is something he finds difficult, or cringe. Which, is perfectly acceptable in my opinion, not everyone is comfortable being open, some may see it as being vulnerable, also a valid opinion. Just give him some time, let him know it’s okay and please don’t be discouraged. It’s possible you just caught him off guard and he didn’t know what else to say without feeling out of place.
Asker

8 d
But still hasn’t said he loves me but also hasn’t said he doesn’t love me so I’m confused, don’t know what to think
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Asker

8 d
I think he does find it cringe but it doesn’t really help, because we’re coming up to 2 years together and I still don’t know if my boyfriend loves me or not, or if he has any feelings for me. My gut is to say he doesn’t, he hasn’t given any indication he does apart from we’re still together nearly 2 years
DeathJack

8 d
I’m wondering if this issue maybe bigger than just the announcing feelings. Is there no affection? No intimacy? What makes you think he has “no” feelings
Asker

8 d
No he’s very affectionate otherwise and he treats me very well. It’s just the fact he can’t say if he loves me or not makes me just think he doesn’t. Especially after this long together. Most people would have said it by now
Asker

8 d
He hasn’t verbalised any feelings for me. That’s why I think he doesn’t. He knows well how I feel about him I’ve said it so many times lol
DeathJack

8 d
I think you’re basing his emotions off other people which is unfair.

Openly admitting you love someone has very different meaning for every person. Some people can say it casually, some think it’s a binding word within itself.

You need to have this specific conversation with him, just be honest, the key to a healthy relationship is not keeping secrets or bottling things up
Asker

8 d
I’ve tried to have this conversation and he just says he finds it awkward and doesn’t want to talk about it. Every time I bring it up that’s what he says so I can’t really get a specific answer
DeathJack

8 d
Then it’s up to you, you either make a big deal and potentially cause serious issues, or you ride it out and don’t let it bother you.

Answer 2

Asker

Hmm what do you think he means by not being comfortable saying it? My worry is he just doesn’t feel that way yet. I did ask and he said he finds talking about feelings awkward

Answer 3

DeathJack

Maybe actually putting those feelings into words, is something he finds difficult, or cringe. Which, is perfectly acceptable in my opinion, not everyone is comfortable being open, some may see it as being vulnerable, also a valid opinion. Just give him some time, let him know it’s okay and please don’t be discouraged. It’s possible you just caught him off guard and he didn’t know what else to say without feeling out of place.

Answer 4

Asker

But still hasn’t said he loves me but also hasn’t said he doesn’t love me so I’m confused, don’t know what to think

Answer 5

Asker

I think he does find it cringe but it doesn’t really help, because we’re coming up to 2 years together and I still don’t know if my boyfriend loves me or not, or if he has any feelings for me. My gut is to say he doesn’t, he hasn’t given any indication he does apart from we’re still together nearly 2 years

Answer 6

DeathJack

I’m wondering if this issue maybe bigger than just the announcing feelings. Is there no affection? No intimacy? What makes you think he has “no” feelings

Answer 7

Asker

No he’s very affectionate otherwise and he treats me very well. It’s just the fact he can’t say if he loves me or not makes me just think he doesn’t. Especially after this long together. Most people would have said it by now

Answer 8

Asker

He hasn’t verbalised any feelings for me. That’s why I think he doesn’t. He knows well how I feel about him I’ve said it so many times lol

Answer 9

DeathJack

I think you’re basing his emotions off other people which is unfair.

Openly admitting you love someone has very different meaning for every person. Some people can say it casually, some think it’s a binding word within itself.

You need to have this specific conversation with him, just be honest, the key to a healthy relationship is not keeping secrets or bottling things up

Answer 10

Asker

I’ve tried to have this conversation and he just says he finds it awkward and doesn’t want to talk about it. Every time I bring it up that’s what he says so I can’t really get a specific answer

Answer 11

DeathJack

Then it’s up to you, you either make a big deal and potentially cause serious issues, or you ride it out and don’t let it bother you.

Boyfriend said “thanks” after I said I love him?

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