Does my guy best friend have feelings for me?

Question

I know that there is an on-going debate about whether or not guys and girls can just be platonic friends/best friends.. but when it comes to my guy best friend, I am truly stumped. He tells me that I am "just one of the guys" and stuff like that but at the same time, we talk on phone for hours almost every single day (he is currently in the army and it stationed in a different state so we don't see each other in person very often). He gets kind of uncomfortable when I talk about guys that I find attractive, but he will go on and on about girls he finds attractive and has hooked up with (in great detail). He also goes out of his way to make a point that he thinks all my friends are hot.. almost like he's trying to get a reaction? And he gets really weird if I don't go along with it. But again, on the other hand he doesn't like when I talk about guys.. at all.
I don't know.. his behavior is just oddly inconsistent and I don't know what to think. I guess I am confused because in my personal experience, I have never had a guy try to get close with me with just platonic intentions. Does anyone have any insight?
--Side note: He is not very good at processing or expressing his emotions, which I feel probably plays a factor in this.

Answer 1

btbc92 | 2.2K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

He is not a friend nor a partner material. I don't know can you girls go for guys who say they sleep around and have no filter. No, he isn't a friend, he's trying to get into a sexual relationship with you. Period. And using those tactics to get you to want him. Enough of those games, you need to be direct about it because those guys are heartbreakers and fool around with your emotions, be it to get you jealous or to want him. He ain't good at anything because he isn't healthy as a person. These are all red flags.

empathmoon

5 d
you think his only intention is sexual? even if we have been best friends for a few years now? and he’s told me really personal things about himself?
btbc92

5 d
I am almost 30. The fact that you don't even have sexual morals such as waiting for marriage to have sex, no porn and masturbation, no guys who have sex with different girls and hookups says a lot. This is why men assume every woman likes that stuff. The thing is he is interested sexually. Period. It doesn't matter if your best friend, he wants to have sex because he knows you don't sleep around. Simply that. I don't care if he is asking in dating or not, he wants sex. If dating, he wants sex in it. No date, he at least more and likey wants friends with benefits, that's it. Either way, nothing about love. They hop from woman to woman. I don't have to think. What your saying says enough. Reread everything that you wrote, please tell me how can you not only not pay attention to what he says, but what you wrote about him. I didn't make this up. You wrote it. All there. Easy to see, not hidden. There is only one reason why he told you all of that: hoping you won't judge him for his sexual choices. He just wants you next in line. Period.
btbc92

5 d
It has nothing to do with feelings. There is a reason why I don't like guys like that because they're not stable. These are guys that can't keep not 1 chick and trying to gain your interest in the number of women he slept with. And that is if that is true. Either way, a man who considers your feelings and desires doesn't do that. Unstable guys do.
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empathmoon

5 d
no i totally hear you. i am just confused about the part where you said that i don’t have any sexual morals?
btbc92

5 d
Meaning if you have any in place you don't get those kind of guys interested in you because they will use friendship or anything to get sexual with any girl they find available, attractive or trustworthy, whatever they want. Feelings or no. You're going to get hurt by that kind of guy. Did you tell him where you stand sexually? If so, then you attracted a guy who matches what you want. If you didn't, you're attracting a guy who you don't want. If you have the sexual morals of no sex before marriage, he wouldn't look your way. Trust me. They run from me for a reason. Because they're not good. They may be okay as a friend. But nothing more than that. You don't want to get caught up with that.
btbc92

5 d
The problem is guys like that pretend to be friends even from the beginning if it guarantees they get sex from you. Any guy who says that in front of me will know that I don't agree with that lifestyle. They immediately move on the chick they think does. If she is really sexually attractive they'll continue to push and play hot and cold games until you start seeing other guys. They can become aggressive due to jealousy. By you saying he is not "good at processing emotions." No, it's because he is emotionally UNSTABLE. And if he is sexually active, they're worse. As you see their "nice" side is also their tendency to be possessive and perhaps abusive. I have seen this happened to my friends and it's scary. Be careful with him, even as a friend. That is my warning.
btbc92

5 d
I can't tell you what to do. You decide. But if you were my best friend, I would tell you to please find another guy to be interested in as I warned my friends. They come to me for a reason, and many dodged bullets because they listened.
btbc92

5 d
Guard your HEART and your MIND.

Answer 2

empathmoon

you think his only intention is sexual? even if we have been best friends for a few years now? and he’s told me really personal things about himself?

Answer 3

btbc92

I am almost 30. The fact that you don't even have sexual morals such as waiting for marriage to have sex, no porn and masturbation, no guys who have sex with different girls and hookups says a lot. This is why men assume every woman likes that stuff. The thing is he is interested sexually. Period. It doesn't matter if your best friend, he wants to have sex because he knows you don't sleep around. Simply that. I don't care if he is asking in dating or not, he wants sex. If dating, he wants sex in it. No date, he at least more and likey wants friends with benefits, that's it. Either way, nothing about love. They hop from woman to woman. I don't have to think. What your saying says enough. Reread everything that you wrote, please tell me how can you not only not pay attention to what he says, but what you wrote about him. I didn't make this up. You wrote it. All there. Easy to see, not hidden. There is only one reason why he told you all of that: hoping you won't judge him for his sexual choices. He just wants you next in line. Period.

Answer 4

btbc92

It has nothing to do with feelings. There is a reason why I don't like guys like that because they're not stable. These are guys that can't keep not 1 chick and trying to gain your interest in the number of women he slept with. And that is if that is true. Either way, a man who considers your feelings and desires doesn't do that. Unstable guys do.

Answer 5

empathmoon

no i totally hear you. i am just confused about the part where you said that i don’t have any sexual morals?

Answer 6

btbc92

Meaning if you have any in place you don't get those kind of guys interested in you because they will use friendship or anything to get sexual with any girl they find available, attractive or trustworthy, whatever they want. Feelings or no. You're going to get hurt by that kind of guy. Did you tell him where you stand sexually? If so, then you attracted a guy who matches what you want. If you didn't, you're attracting a guy who you don't want. If you have the sexual morals of no sex before marriage, he wouldn't look your way. Trust me. They run from me for a reason. Because they're not good. They may be okay as a friend. But nothing more than that. You don't want to get caught up with that.

Answer 7

btbc92

The problem is guys like that pretend to be friends even from the beginning if it guarantees they get sex from you. Any guy who says that in front of me will know that I don't agree with that lifestyle. They immediately move on the chick they think does. If she is really sexually attractive they'll continue to push and play hot and cold games until you start seeing other guys. They can become aggressive due to jealousy. By you saying he is not "good at processing emotions." No, it's because he is emotionally UNSTABLE. And if he is sexually active, they're worse. As you see their "nice" side is also their tendency to be possessive and perhaps abusive. I have seen this happened to my friends and it's scary. Be careful with him, even as a friend. That is my warning.

Answer 8

btbc92

I can't tell you what to do. You decide. But if you were my best friend, I would tell you to please find another guy to be interested in as I warned my friends. They come to me for a reason, and many dodged bullets because they listened.

Answer 9

btbc92

Guard your HEART and your MIND.

Answer 10

Iron_Man | 7.3K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

Just come out and ask him and end the mystery game. If not this mystery goes on for years and years

Answer 11

Avicenna | 4.6K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

I think he would get with you if he could

empathmoon

5 d
what do you mean by “if he could”? like do you think he feels that it’s “off limits” (for a lack of a better term)?
Avicenna

5 d
No, I don't think that. I think he is unsure how you'd react.
empathmoon

5 d
oh i see. because we are already established friends.
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Avicenna

5 d
Exactly

Answer 12

empathmoon

what do you mean by “if he could”? like do you think he feels that it’s “off limits” (for a lack of a better term)?

Answer 13

Avicenna

No, I don't think that. I think he is unsure how you'd react.

Answer 14

empathmoon

oh i see. because we are already established friends.

Answer 15

Avicenna

Exactly

Answer 16

spartan55 | 15K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

He would hit that in a second.

empathmoon

5 d
so are you thinking just sexual attraction or do you think it’s emotional attraction as well?
spartan55

5 d
Assuming he is your age I'd say sexual.
empathmoon

5 d
see i thought so too but like he always has opened up to me about really personal things and we spend a lot of time with each other/talking to each other. would a guy do all that for sex?
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empathmoon

5 d
*just sex?
spartan55

5 d
Sure, but I doubt that would be his motive.

Answer 17

empathmoon

so are you thinking just sexual attraction or do you think it’s emotional attraction as well?

Answer 18

spartan55

Assuming he is your age I'd say sexual.

Answer 19

empathmoon

see i thought so too but like he always has opened up to me about really personal things and we spend a lot of time with each other/talking to each other. would a guy do all that for sex?

Answer 20

empathmoon

*just sex?

Answer 21

spartan55

Sure, but I doubt that would be his motive.

Answer 22

harry7825 | 232 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Xper 6

I think so

empathmoon

5 d
just out of curiosity, what makes you think so?
harry7825

5 d
Why are you asking to me
I think it because of the way he speaks as you tell in the question
empathmoon

5 d
yeah but like what specifically?

Answer 23

empathmoon

just out of curiosity, what makes you think so?

Answer 24

harry7825

Why are you asking to me
I think it because of the way he speaks as you tell in the question

Answer 25

empathmoon

yeah but like what specifically?

Answer 26

Sia_nee | 202 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Explorer

Maybe

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