I think my crush/neighbor killer himself, but why does this hurt so bad?

Anonymous
I heard one of my neighbors talking about another neighbor who shot himself a few days ago. He pointed in the direction of where this really cute guy lives, but I’m not sure if he was referring to the upstairs or downstairs apartment.

The cute guy is merely a stranger but him and I smile every time we see each other. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to him.

But now I hear another neighbor talking about a suicide in the building and although I don’t know that it’s my crush he was talking about, I fear it is because the rest of our neighbors are old people.

I am shocked by how much anxiety and grief I already have over this. I keep thinking about if it was him that did it, could I have made a difference in his life?
I think my crush/neighbor killer himself, but why does this hurt so bad?
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