Did he ever really care?

First time user here...feeling really lost and would love some male perspective.

About 7 weeks ago my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me. It totally knocked me down...we had a good relationship, we loved each other a lot, and there was nothing bad enough that was worth breaking up over. His reasoning was that he felt he couldn't make me happy (I was very distraught and almost depressed over having been fired from my 4 1/2 year job a few weeks prior). I told him he did make me happy...but that losing my job had really been hard on me, and I apologized if I ever took those negative feelings out on our relationship.

For the next 6 weeks we spoke off and on, and he'd always say he missed me and wanted to get back together...but he'd never act on it, or he wouldn't contact me for a few days. If we scheduled a meeting so we could talk, he wouldn't follow through or claim that he was waiting for me to call him and confirm the plans (when we had previously agreed that HE would call ME).

Now, he was in a severe motorcycle accident many years ago that he is still recovering from; part of the brain damage he experienced has ruined his memory. I witnessed his bad memory numerous times when we were together. But I'm wondering if he truly is forgetting to call or forgetting our plans, or is he using that as a cover up?

What I'm really wondering is...if a guy SAYS he misses you and wants to work it out, why not DO IT? I finally got sick of it and didn't answer a phone call and a text he made to me, and I haven't heard from him again for the last week. Did he ever really care, or was he just stringing me along so he didn't look like a bad guy?

This is the guy who told me DAILY how amazingly different I was from any girl he'd ever been with, how I was the only one ever really there for him, how he loved me so much...were those all lies, or is he a lost soul, struggling to find himself after his life was completely changed after a tragic accident?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am sorry to hear about your break up.. I am going through one myself and it just came out of no where and I am crushed. We loved each other at lot as well, and agreed we could work through anything, that is until she blindsided me over something very petty. I suffer from depression myself, and she took no time to try and understand it, or see how it affects me. I myself was in a very bad motor vehicle accident nearly ten years ago which has left me also with memory issues. So I do understand where he is coming from. It's good that you two had spoken on and off after you broke up, I haven't heard a single word from her since ours. She was set and ready to spend her life with me and packed up on me and just left. She never turned around to look.. I was dumped via text and completely irrationally. When a guy says he misses you and wants to get back together, he means it. We do fall and love hard. You do need to give him some pass over the calling issues, especially if he has a bad memory. Stress can make that so much worse, I know that it is in my case. A relationship is a two way thing. If you want to hear from him, you can call him too. I know with breakups there is always the ego thing. I have sent my ex two emails since we've broken up with no response. She is immature, childish, and left me over something totally petty. She will regret it and I know that. But for the mean time with your boyfriend, if you want to make it work you need to communicate.

    • I appreciate both of your responses...but I wonder...he tried to text once and call once last week, and I didn't answer only because I didn't want him to keep messing with my head. He hasn't tried contacting me for the last 8 days. Do you suggest I break the silence and contact him? I should tell you, I've made most of the "first moves" and phone calls in this time that we talked on & off...I felt it was his turn to try, and he really didn't...

    • Yes. Call him. He's scared enough... I am crying my f***ing eyes out right now missing her...

    • I'm sorry you're feeling so distraught over this girl. But my gut tells me he's not reacting the way you are...after all, he did the dumping, and you and I are hurting because we were dumped. My heart tells me that if this will ever be resolved, he has to make the move. I promise you, it has nothing to do with ego...but like I said before, I was doing all the work to try and get us back together, and all he did was say things to fill me with useless hope. He hasn't once tried to fight for me...

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think that the accident changed him in some way that made him uncomforable in some one being around you his lose track of time and planes that may be what is upset him and did not what to heart you and that y he. Bork up with you he may have some trouble getting over what has happen in the accident you may what to give a little space for a bit and see what going to happen

    he may come around I don,t think he lied to you or ran a game. there is some thing different about him now and you may have to move on at some point only time will tell. you have to stop and think of what my have changed him by talking to people he knows to find this out.If he told you that he what to work things out and has not dune it you may what to just move on with you life

    but see what you can find out first be for moving on

    • I agree with just about everything you said. He tells me what his life was like and who he was before his accident, and it definitely changed him for the better. But I saw him struggle with trying to find himself and handle the pressures of that...& I think he got overwhelmed and I was the thing he pushed out of his life. I'm trying to move on now, because I don't think it's healthy to sit around and wait for him to come to his senses...if he does, it was meant to be. If not, then it's not.

  • I agree with anon. If I had a chance to tell my recent ex that I sincerely wanted to work things out and start over I would do it. I don't bullsh*t. When I fall for a girl I really do it hard. My problem is that my Ex was the one that initiated no contact, so if I beg and plead she's just going to continue to ignore me.

    I say give him a chance, if he's really serious he'll follow through.


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