Why don't black women like me?

Dear black women.....As a black man I have a couple questions for you

Why you don't like me because I am in college and take it serious?

Why do I feel intimidated to sound smart around you?

Why are the black men in college single while the black men on the streets in relationships?

Why you don't like me because I don't have tatoos and I perfer not to talk slang? Just because I know it and since I am from the hood do I have to be hood?

Why do you laugh at me and become unattracted because I don't want to be the sterotypical black male?

Why do you neglect me because I don't have top of the line clothes even though you know I am in college?

Why can't I buy you flowers and take you out without me being "too nice"?

Why are you the same girl that say there are no good men but when I try to talk to you than you don't give me a chance?


Losing faith black man

the title was changed without my permissions lol


Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Most college students date other college students. Many black men in college are dating black girls who are in college.

    2. Who are you talking to? Are you talking to the uneducated hoodrats with big booties? If so, don't expect intelligent conversation with them and don't expect them to care that you are intelligent. There are plenty of educated females with their heads on straight that would not be intimidated by you sounding smart, because we also sound smart ourselves.

    3. UGLY black men in college are single. Most of the college guys I know are playing the field and rotating different girls around, so that is not the problem. The guys on the streets are also dating girls but they are dating street girls. If you are not a hood nigga don't try to date hood girls. Holla at college girls because most of us are looking for college guys.

    4. I grew up in the suburbs and was constantly teased for "acting like a white girl" and not being hood. so I get what you're saying. but you would be crazy to think that there are no guys in a similar situation that are dating. you don't have to have tatts and speak slang to get girls! plus all guys with tatts and slang are not pulling women so that is a nonfactor. it's something else that makes women not like you...

    5. you don't have to be the stereotypical black male. it's funny how you go on and on about how you're not the stereotype, yet you're stereotyping US. have you stopped to think that there are plenty of black women who ALSO aren't stereotypical and would love to meet a guy who we have things in common with? I don't date many hood dudes because we don't have very much in common. most of the guys I know who aren't from the hood don't have girl problems, so again, its YOU

    6. you don't have to have top of the line clothes, just try to look attractive. but at the same note, I hope you aren't solely focused on the top of the line fashionista girls because they are gonna want guys on their level. hopefully you aren't the stereotypical dude who chases anything with a slim waist and fat ass and gets to know a girl for her personality and values and not JUST her outer appearance. because if you don't want to be judged harshly you might not want to do it to others

    7. don't buy girls flowers if she isn't your girlfriend. it makes you look like you're trying too hard and being a simp. stop overly trying to impress girls and just be yourself. it makes you look weak and lame. plenty of white boys on this site complain about being "too much of a nice guy" so don't single out black girls as if WE'RE the problem. its YOUR BEHAVIOR which is repelling women so work on that.

    8. you're probably not attractive for any one of the reasons I've listed. you can't expect someone to give you a chance if they aren't initially interested in you. stop complaining and acting like a victim. you probably have faults you could work on too.

    • you made me experience like 4 emotion in your answer lol... laughter, guilt, hopelessness and denial. OK welp you did hit some things I am guilty of others not so much. First, I am guilty of talking to hood girls but they seem a plenty while college girls seem scarce. Its basically a numbers thing. you say its me (I think that's just the easy way out) OK well if its me what could I possible doing wrong? I'm focused, ambitions and have a great personality.

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    • You don't have to be perfectly well dressed. The girls who will ONLY date guys who dress perfectly are usually shallow or gold diggers. It's OK to look like a regular dude as long as you try to dress attractive and current. I realize that the nicer stuff is really expensive for guys, but focus on having nice shoes and a couple of good shirts.

      I'll send you a message

    • "UGLY black men in college are single" Damn.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 13

  • Dear Black Man,

    Why do you take it upon yourself to criticize your own blood? Why as a black women, am I obligated to prove anything to you, or to live up to your specific standards? We are the same color, but we are different people;

    As a black women, I've encountered too many black men who scoff at the idea of me getting my education. Who mock me and call me white washed for wanting to achieve in this lifetime. Who scrutinize me because I'm not " hood " enough. Who disown me because I don't fit the ignorant stereotypes?

    Do I condemn all black men because of this? No. Just those who have crossed me in that negative fashion. These black men who have penalized, ignored, rejected, and neglected me, for being me - and not just my color.

    I wish a man would buy me flowers and take me out sometime - but chivalry is rare nowadays, no matter what the race.

    Why are you the same man, that says he wants a strong independent women - but turn your back on the good black women?


    A black women trying to understand why the hell there's so much criticizing in our own race?


    So you see, it works both ways. We can continue this argument for days, arguing which sex has it worse off, whose doing what wrong - yada yada yada. It's self - destruction, and it's the reason our community has the issues it does, because one person keeps criticizing another person. Wth? No other race does this much self - inflicted damage than black people do. Black men Vs Black Women, Light skin Vs Dark skin, Educated Vs Street - like wtf? it's time to move on now.

    Your not the only black person out there who doesn't fit those stereotypical molds, and your definitely not the only black person facing issues as far as finding a suitable black partner.

    So as far as " losing faith -" that's totally on you. I encounter wonderful, educated, black women everyday, who give the same appeal so...

    • These are merely generalizations which means it doesn't apply to everyone. I hope we can agree black relationships are at the bottom of the barrel in general. Without critizing that implies we are at a perfect state. Secondly I don't know where you are coming from by "living up to my standards" Even so how could you deduce that from an open forum question? I haven't condemned all black women just losing faith or feeling the odds are against me so to speak. I think you are over analyzing.

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    • Not everyone is going to talk to me yes I realize that but when there is a trend THAT's when there is a problem.

    • I see what you mean; this 'trend' is just odd to me - not sure how it came about. But I can't speak for every black women. As far as finding that right black women, you just gotta keep looking. Your still young and obviously have a lot to offer, so I don't doubt you won't run into her. As far as the other black women who keep dissing you for whatever reason - so be it. There probably not worth it in the end anyway...

  • 1. Why you don't like me because I am in college and take it serious?

    I only date guys that seem to be interested in finishing up their studies. Guys that seem to want a bright future for themselves. Maybe the girls you approach don't like you because of totally different reasons other than you being in college.

    2.Why do I feel intimidated to sound smart around you?

    That's in your head.

    3.Why are the black men in college single while the black men on the streets in relationships?

    Why do you want to be in a relationship so bad? Girls only date guys they find attractive. Maybe the girls you hang around prefer the bad boy type of guys?

    4.Why you don't like me because I don't have tatoos and I perfer not to talk slang?

    Just because I know it and since I am from the hood do I have to be hood?

    lol, personally, tattoos don't appeal to me. And I use proper English and the guy I intend to date should also do the same.

    5.Why do you laugh at me and become unattracted because I don't want to be the sterotypical black male?

    That's not something to be laughed at well unless you hang around ghetto dudes and chics.

    6. Why do you neglect me because I don't have top of the line clothes even though you know I am in college?

    I want a guy that cares about how he looks in public. With that said, I don't expect him to wear or buy expensive clothes. They just have to be decent looking.

    5. Why can't I buy you flowers and take you out without me being "too nice"?

    Personally, am not a fan of flowers but when they are given to me, I don't take the gesture for granted. Giving flowers to someone is only considered "too nice" if you hardly know the person you're giving them to.

    6. Why are you the same girl that say there are no good men but when I try to talk to you than you don't give me a chance?

    Well maybe am just not attracted to you? I can't force myself to go out with someone am not attracted to.

  • I don't know you personally, but I'm in college myself, and like men to be educated.

    Huh ? Where do you live at ? Maybe the women you've dealt with don't know how to speak properly.

    I don't care if a guy has tatts or not. As long as it's not over-the-top. I also can't deal with guys who talk in slang all the time. I can't understand half the time--especially if he doesn't use "grown-up" vocabulary.

    Maybe the ones who are laughing at you think there's something wrong with you. Who knows. All I know is that I highly doubt it's because you're not the stereotypical black male.

    I don't remember there being a memo where we have to give you TLC. So "neglect" is not the word I would use to describe your situation.

    Some girls don't want flowers.

    Chances are, you're not what I like to see and hear. And by that, I mean you don't appeal to me with interest. Maybe it was something you said or the way you looked.

  • maybe you're just not attractive to the girls you want to date. trying to shoot out of your league? you can't expect a beyonce to be interested if your not on her level. there are probably plenty of girls who would be open to dating you but she may not fit UR standards because she isn't the hottest thing around..

  • some people just can't handle the truth. and maybe they like the getto swag. who knows theyre are plenty of black women out there that don't want a hood figga ha ha but on the real I'm sure you will find what you want jus lookin in the wrong places. have you tried lookin for a black college girl? cus she jus might be on the same page as u. and do you really want a hood rat? that wants to stay in the hood?

    • NO! lol

    • dont talk about the lower class people if you don't know them. success follow success, so how do you expect to go to collage when no one in your family has ever made it? you have connection or resources to get going. the girl don't want a guy who those not understand struggle.

  • Dear Mr losing faith,

    I don't know the answer to your questions, but congrats on using a letter format in your questions like me :D


    IMAQT xx

  • The answer for me is quite simple really: I'm not black enough for black men apparently. Not only do they not give me the time of day, they tell me I'm a snob for just being me. They tell me I'm not good enough because I don't know how to be a "black American girl." They tell me I think I'm a know it all miss thing when I talk about my dreams of college. They tell me I have no right to feel hurt when I have been discriminated against because I am not "a real black woman." I was told these things by educated black men who want "an educated black woman" So you want to know the answer to your question, well here it is: black men won't look at me, so why should I waste my effort on them?

  • I'm a college educated black woman with a graduate degree and honestly, I probably wouldn't date you because you sound like you're insecure and have a superiority complex masked in an inferiority complex for being a black man. Once you're secure and confident in who you are, you'll attract the quality woman (black, white or otherwise) that you truly deserve. Good luck.

    • lol your not league, I would never date you a college middle class queen , because I a piece broke white trash with sh*ty cloths and bad grammer :) lolol

    • lol your not in my league, I would never date you a college middle class queen , because I am piece of broke white trash with sh*ty cloths and bad grammer :) lolol

      that truth to be honest, not give to the educated

  • Okay first of all to break this down. I am an African American woman and with all due respect, your poem is pretty ignorant and I say this because you stated...

    " Why don't you like me is it because I am in college and taking it serious?"

    Really is that a rhetorical question? because based on statistics their are more African- American women in college. So I definitely have to say that you are doing a wonderful job for being an African - American guy with an ambition for education.

    The next thing that I would like to point out, is the fact that you said you were intimidated to sound smart. Honestly I really think that you need to stop looking into stereotypes of African -American women and pay attention to the one's who may be in your college class room with you. That was just a very insulting statement because I feel that you are generalizing African-American women based upon the stereotypes that you may see or live around. Honestly aren't their any sophisticated and well spoken African-American women at your university?

    Finally, not every African-American woman is into tattoos. I myself really dislike them and find them useless but that's just my opinion. I just hope you stop down talking African-American women and pay more attention to the classy women that may surround you . I hope you get it together! and I am just giving you my honest perception from your poem.

    -African American Woman

    • Yes I have been told that I am doing great by taking education seriously but you know what? Sometimes I feel like that's not where I supposed to be as a black guy, almost like everybody else is on other routes. Most likely that's because of my experiences but honestly if I had a second life I wouldn't do the college route its lonely as a black man.

      My college is only like 3% black. I live on campus and there are only like 4 black girls and I know like 3 black commuters which act like the above

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    • I wasn't trying to argue as well. I just wanted you to realize how I perceived it. Overall I hope everyting works out well for you and I wish you the best of luck!

    • So no comment on all the other stuff I said llol

  • okay

  • LOL

    This post is so dramatic! I'm pretty sure you won 'Most Dramatic Male of the year award with this'! :D I don't know if you thought this was supposed to be powerful or thought provoking, but it just makes you look dramatic, hypocritical and bitter. All of these questions insinuate that black women only go for the stereotypical black male.

    I'm a black woman and I will not date an African American man. I'm tired of them and all the bullsh*t they come with. All black men of this era seem to either just have the most rude approach when it comes to women, be whitewashed, or they don't even date black girls, or they're just complete ghetto hot fckn messes and I don't want sh*t to do with them.

  • to be honest it just sounds like you're ugly. if you were attractive and had confidence/game you wouldn't have to be a hood thug to pull girls. every guy who I've ever heard make these sweeping generalizations "I can't get a black woman because I'm not a thug" has always been unattractive. look in the mirror. are you really attractive? you sound like you are severely lacking self awareness. it's funny how ALL black women have the problem but there is nothing wrong with you. you have no flaws, we idiot black women just don't know a good thing when we see it, huh? get over yourself. it's funny because my boyfriend is an intelligent college student who grew up in the suburbs and fits NONE of the stereotypes you listed. but I'm dating him and he's had several relationships in the past. none of those factors held him back so what's your excuse? maybe it's YOUUUUU, please don't think that because you are a college educated black man, fighting against negative stereotypes, that you are automatically entitled to female attention. you also have to have other traits that women like such as: social skills, good personality, look decently attractive, masculinity. if you don't have those traits, don't think we're supposed to talk to you because you're black. STOP PLAYING THE RACE CARD

    • Never pulled the race card first of all. Secondly, I have confidence but don't have game because I don't play games. Far as looks I would say a 7-7.5. Never said ALL balck women have problems. I spoke in second person. Were you with your boyfriend while in college? I have no doubt more people are going want me AFTER I graduate. Why shouldn't I think because I am "college educated" and profound that I should have female attention?

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    • some boys try and be my friend but I just don't care for male friend.. honestly I don't care for friends period. I am more person that perfers having my girlfriend as my friend that it. I am older now and I have put my childish ways away. By the way I am not dating her NOW because she is married and why not before because I was not interested nor wanted to risk our friendship. she liked me at one point.

    • All my life I never had lots of friends because honestly I don't go along with things because people want me to and most people don't like that. That's kind of broad but that's a different topic.

      I am really interested in explaining this "game".. what's the key? give some examples.. there is a way to "talk" to a girl? I just try to be honest and sincere

  • I knew black men in college and they always had tons of girls around them. The men in the streets are with hood rats, who clearly have low standards. Start dating girls you meet at the library instead of the streets, anyway!

    • I am not at the library often. I am usually on my school campus. If you are talking about my school's library then I have tried there. I kind of am worried that people are going to start portraying me as the guy that tries to talk to everyone though.

    • I'm speaking a bit metaphorically. Water seeks its own level. The women who run with street trash aren't your target audience. If they are -- aim higher!

What Guys Said 3

  • Hey i know your looking for female answers but perhaps i can help. My first year of college i felt just like you except i wasn't doing a lot of balming on black woemn but i thought i wasn't worthy for women in general in college.

    I dont think the issue is black women but its more of you not feeling like a man in college. Try to tough it out and know who you are and what you are capable of. You are dojng something great and positive going to school. You just need to find a women (any race) that appreciates you and respects you for who you are. Dont get bitter and play the blame game. Perhaps college is just making you look at life at another angle since you may be isolated as a balck male in an area with majority white or another race? (If majority black i dont get why you would he having this issue). Basically all im saying is man up and be you. Good luck. Pm me if you need more advice

  • Dude.. they are all going to eat you alive :).

    Anyway, just stay positive and get out there and meet strangers, might sound awkward, but try moving out of your comfort zone and take risks. Risks like taking to a complete stranger, and why not just look for other races, why just black chick?.

  • I don't know what Black girls you've been hanging around. I'm not stereotypical, and I've dated a few.