Depression. How to overcome hurtful words and stop thinking negativly about my life.

Please read, I know its long but I need help.

My ex girlfriend is SO mean to me. Whenever I am less available she feels the need for me and I feel like she takes advantage of me. :(

She has told me recently that she is not sexually attracted to me anymore and doesn't/wont feel the same because she doesn't trust me. But says I'm so handsome and wants me to walk around with my shirt off when we chill. She kisses me, calls me babe and then somehow always I don't know how I just fail.

There are other little things like we were dancing and having fun, I was like dude I miss dancing with you we're so good. She goes "I've had better" why would you even bother saying that?

Why does she toy with my head? Why does she tell me she doesn't feel the same but then when I go out and concentrate on me she'll get mad at me because I'm hanging with her yet chilling with other girls to keep my options open?

I don't get it! we have amazing times together when we hang out, its a lot of fun. Somehow when we get close and cuddle and she kisses me and spoons me and holds my hand when we sleep, it always ends up back on me being clingy or DRAMA? She'll constantly remind me about why she doesn't feel the same but then her actions go crazy and I mean, she doesn't treat any of her ex bf's like this, let alone she has NO contact or cares about any of her ex bf's but me...

so when I go out and do my thing because of what she says to me to try and make myself feel better she gets mad...

she was the one and only girl who made me very confident about myself. Always told me how handsome I was and how good I was in bed with her and how much she loved our connection and now its like almost the opposite...i don't get why she has to say hurtful things to me, the past is the past right and if we're both over that then why even both with those things that are going to bring me down?

OK so here is what I'm really getting at. I'm completely depressed about it. I've given myself space from her. I still care about her so much and I love her with all my heart. I don't want to seem desperate or clingy but I love the attention she gives me when she is with me and it just seems so different. I mean girls you don't act that way with your ex boyfriend of 2 years right? you wouldn't call him babe or baby or cuddle or kiss or any of that...maybe say the hurtful things but I just don't get why she does this.

I was thinking of starting an anti depressant but I'm afraid I may become dependent on it...I am OK, just OK on the weekends, but I can't stop thinking about getting another chance and then I remember what she says to me and I just get down, its like I've lost my confidence when I go out because I'm back to where i was, even worse b4 I dated her.

I don't like being depressed and I've tried a bunch of things, but I'm beginning to think maybe I need a pill? I need my confidence and my insecurities gone and those things she says to me out of my head! What can I do. Why is she like this?
Depression. How to overcome hurtful words and stop thinking negativly about my life.
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