What does it mean when she says 'You'll never get married, like me...'

My friend and I were having a discussion. She told me 'I don't think you can get married' and she paused and then said 'like me, I never think about it, I try to be independent'-that sort of stuff.

She realizes that emotionally I can't even talk to a guy right now, since all of my past few relationships have not been successful, the guys I've been with didn't treat me well, so overall, I have a negative outlook in terms of relationships with guys beyond friends.

I don't know if anyone understands what I'm talking about. I am meaning to say I am a little depressed about the situation and I do distract myself a lot (lol) with school, work and extracurricular, but unlike her, I do want to get married someday. It just seems hopeless when all the relationships have ended badly for me, leaving me emotional wrecked at times; I wonder, is there a way to think about the matter so that I don't feel depressed.

She says I'm skinny and every time we go out, guys look in my direction and she says it's a 'curse'. I'm not overly attractive nor am I unpleasantly unappealing. Just right now, it feels like these two guys I've gone out with, have ruined my mind-set, -does anyone have advice as to how you would maybe think more positively? I seem to be in a rut lately especially after she said this to me.

But I'm not sure if I'm even depressed because when I was younger I didn't want to get married because I thought it was stupid because women have to do so much work and then you always have to keep an eye on the husband etc etc, and then I wanted to because I would love to be loved in that way (and I think it's human nature to want to be loved) and then now (after I've had bad experiences with my past relationships) I hate guys that even resemble my ex's. Idk. I would love to hear from people who are kinda in the same situation and can relate to what I'm talking about. How do you have 'hope'? Thanks ^-^

note* also, I do not think she meant that I was not attractive but meant to say I'm not 'emotionally stable' in terms of relationships. How do you have 'hope' in getting over this feeling, because it feels like the next guy will do the same, will treat me badly, and go out with other girls behind my back, and say he lets me go etc. I mean, the past affects the future, right?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think your friend means well, just hard a hard time trying to explain herself. And really, it sounds like, well, you know how you can expect something, and want it a lot, and you end up pushing it away, or prolonging whatever it is. It's like putting so much pressure on something that it's hard for it to naturally happen. That's what I think she meant.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Not sure if you've taken any statistics courses, and it's been a while since I have, but if you simplify life and love as a roll of the dice, the results of the prior rolls have absolutely no impact on the next.

    Now abstracting the model further to real life, I totally believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your next boyfriend will cheat on you, then you will behave and emanate signals that may drive him to do exactly that.

    So, combine the above two into a model for relationship success. The future is unknown and not predicated on the past. And your actions and behaviors in the present, can affect current and future outcomes.

    In other words, open your heart to love. Be selective, but understand we are all human and have faults. Don't let yourself fall into the trap that it will end badly. Do whatever you can to make it work. And if it does you're lucky. And if it doesn't, lather, rinse, repeat.

    Before you find your Prince Charming, you're going to find yourself dealing with some toads.

    Good luck. It will happen for you.

  • You just need to take a break from the dating scene, take a vacation, hang out with friends more often, anything to relax your mind.

    There are good guys out there, you just need to know how to spot them. Take as long as you need to get yourself back into the right mindset, then start looking again when you're ready, not before.

  • Archer gul, don't listen to that crap coming out her yap... allz it means is ur friend don't know what she tawkin bout

  • see a therapist

    • Lol, I'm sorry, but your answer sounds very cold, in four words, maybe shouldn't answer at all.

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    • Sorry. how about I add on? To help your insecurity try meeting people slowly through friends and avoid big scenes. I don't blame you for not being able to talk to a guy emotionally because you've been hurt but try looking at guys as just normal people or possible friends and don't even go for the boyfriend status until you're ready to open up again.

    • Insecure doesn't mean I will take shit from anyone. insecure means insecure. totally different. idk. still, it would have been better if you just wrote up what you jsut did minus the insecure thing lol. and - 'see a therapist'.

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