Why do guys just want to have sex with me? Help me I'm lost and I don't want to be an old maid!

I'm 24 years old in college and I work. I feel like I'm a good catch but I can't meet a guy who wants to be in a relationship with me they all just want sex. The last guy who I was dumb enough to kick it with on that level would ignore me and not return my calls but then when he wanted some he would be all over me. I want to attract someone who wants a relationship and they really care about me and enjoy me. I don't trust revealing I don't go around talking about sex. What's the deal?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Partly, it's because of your age. Many younger guys are preoccupied with getting laid. A guy's sex drive tends to cool out a bit as he ages.

    Also, I'll bet it's because you date only guys who chase you. If you show a little interest in a shyer, quieter guy, they're usually less preoccupied with getting some. They often want to move slower in the relationship, too.

    Additionally, this pattern happens because you've chosen to sleep with guys. You've created this behavior pattern. Look at the cause-and-effect of your decisions. You sleep with Guy A. Guy A bails out until he's horny, then he calls you again. You sleep with Guy B. Guy B bails out until he's horny... See the pattern? These guys are not looking for relationships. Sex is not the way to get a guy to stay with you.

    You can't control the guys who are attracted to you. But you can control if you chose to date them, and how you behave yourself.

    For example, if you tell guys up front that you're not going to have sex for at least 6 months, that announcement will filter out a lot of guys. They'll be gone after a few dates, when you stick to your commitment. But the guys who stick around and looking for a more serious relationship.

    • 1) showing interest in shyer, quieter guys won't necessarily solve this; and those guys tend to be boring anyways and 2) she didn't claim to give those guys any and certain guys want and expect some whether or not they're getting any

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    • I find that when people say that quiet boys (or girls) are boring, it means that they're actually easily bored.

      But y'know, keep doing what you've been doing, and you'll get what you've got.

    • That's right I'm bored: of guys who are too shy to even approach me, talk to me a lot, ask for my number, ask me to at least hang out, etc. nothing wrong with being bored of those guys and it doesn't make me easily bored. and I don't think it's just what I'm doing but also what many shy guys are doing.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You asked this in your message:

    I slept with this guy for couple times. When I asked him " are we together now or what?" he always said that let time decide. Asking him so many times then I got tired of it. I thought he just playing around with me. But how comes every time he saw me talking to other guy, he got jealous. He didn't say anything but I could tell by the way he looked at me. Then he text me and asked me what is going on between me and the other guy. I told him just a friend. But still, every time he saw me with that guy, he past by and gave me the look. So can you please tell me what does that mean? Because I don't want to get a wrong signal.


    Just wanted to follow up.

    Your intuition was right on. He was drawing the situation out as long as he could to use you. You must not let your feelings for him (if you still have any) dictate what you do with other men. The other guy was a user, that is of your body. Try and determine if this new guy is willing to have a proper relationship with you, regardless of what the "player" thinks. He can't determine your life. He's jealous because he think you are sleeping with the new guy. Hold back on the sex and you'll find some gem of a man. Patience is crucial when weeding out the mature from the immature users and abusers. Remember, you deserve better!

  • Yeah, I feel the same way except with girls. They feel compelled to bring me home with them for me to think something of them. I would say there are a lot of snakes in the grass but just hold out for the nice sweet one. I don't get the old maid comment :P

    • Oh I made the old maid comment because nobody wants to be in a relationship now and I am losing faith in men. I feel like I will never get married if I can't even get a boyfriend.

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    • Oh yeah and I totally agree with cheerangelcharity I'm not giving it up to half the guys I meet they usually tell me up front all they want is sex or they lie and say they want something more but their words do not match their actions and I have tried talking to the nice shy guys but they don't usually stay that way at least not with me.

    • [And I meant to say I don't dress revealing so I don't know why I'm attracting the men that I do.]

      Just by looking and talking, mixing with the "interesting, not boring", ignoring and looking down the others??

  • A question of age: you're probably dating men in their twenties, not teenage boys.

    A man with previous experience often expects sex. Not only sex necessarily, but the alternative to sex would be friendship or FWB. Neither give direct perspective of long term relationship or marriage but can grow to be that, given time and compatibilities.

    Could it be that you're hinting too soon at long term engagement to their feeling?

    • No at least I don't think so, but guys have been pretty honest with me they tell me up front they just want to "kick it" a few have started out as if they wanted to take me out but they never do they just want to come over my house at night or invite me to theirs. I can't even get a date. lol I don't know maybe its the vibe I put off.

    • [ Question Asker: I feel like I'm a good catch but ]

      but you complain about the hunters;-)

What Girls Said 5

  • I think college guys just want to bang girls at that point in their life. They are focused on their careers and beginning a real and serious relationship with a woman will cause them to lose such focus. As women in college, we can multi-task and go for our career and develop a relationship as well, so we don't see why they cannot do the same. But we forget how different men are from us, they like to focus on one thing at a time. It doesn't make either gender bad, just different. And perhaps not all men and women are like that, I only mean in a general kind of way.

    You won't be an old maid, people are getting married much later nowadays because so many men and women are focusing on careers first and going to college, and I like to think that waiting later will probably lower the odds of getting divorced, because we will have dated and know exactly what we want. I also just read that college educated women are more likely to get married.

    My advice, is try to date to see what you like and need, and prepare yourself for the future man that is ready for relationships, but don't bother with the sex. It will just make you feel used and empty.

    • Yeah that's what I want to focus on I guess all girls attract guys who just want to "have fun" so to speak and a guy did tell me he couldn't be in a relationship because every time he does he fails his classes because of drama the relationship brings. I guess they can't focus like females or he could have been giving me a lame excuse to why he couldn't be with me. maybe both who knows.

  • I think you're just meeting them in the wrong places. If you go to bars and dance clubs and college parties a lot then you're sure to meet those type of guys but there has to be some good guys who are relationship-oriented at your college. Maybe in a club or class that you're really interested in - that way you have something in common besides going to the same school. So I don't think it's you as long as you aren't easy and don't look easy but instead the guys whom you meet now.

    • Yeah that's true I hardly talk to guys at school unless they need help with an assignment lol. But I do need to open my horizons and I'm not easy or dress it which is why I can't understand why guys I meet out seem to approach me that way. But I'm not going to stress over it anymore I'm going to just let life take its course.

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    • It will be "The guys one meets at clubs and parties are interesting but want sex" (that's the reason they came there), "The guys one meets at the library are so boooring." (and even those might want sex)

    • Well ya on the first part, except I'm not sure if they're even interesting but maybe the question asker does. but I don't think all guys one can meet at the library are boring unless they go there all the time to study a lot. I think a guy should be well-educated but if all he cares about is education then that's boring.

  • I don't know if you know but all kinds of relationship is just about time matter. Patient is the most important thing in relationship. I think just because you had been so easy to them, that's why. Sometimes you have to give them a test you know. Just play hard to get with them then you will know who is really want a relationship with you and who is not. Good luck!

  • hun, a lot of guys are jerks. All they care about is sex sex sex and a woman's body. Until they realize they need someone to grow old with, they won't give in for a relationship. (sorry guys, I don't mean to offend you.) Only a few are matured and really know what they want out of life, and relationship so I encourage you to be yourself and stop trying to seduce men out there. Love who you are because nobody can love you if you're not self loving and lastly of all, there is a saying, "Love comes when you least expect it" so perhaps finding something to do with your closest friends or family would keep your mind off it and who knows you might run into Mr. Right.

    Hopefully things work out for you. Good luck :)

  • Most guys our age only want that. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, that's just how the majority of guys are at this age. Maybe you could try dating slightly older guys.

    • Or younger...

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    • [ if an older guy is seeking out a younger females that should be a red flag. ] Indeed

    • Eh, depends on how big of an age difference for either younger or older guys.