I feel guilty every time I eat?

Anonymous
Every time I eat anything I feel so guilty about it. I've always loved eating and cooking, they've always been huge passions of mine. But I can't even remember a time when I've liked the way I look and I absolutely hate it. I've always been kind of active and played sports but this time I thought I would get serious.
I started eating healthier and exercising. Everything was going great until the beginning of this new school year. I got to a point where I was really strapped for cash and time so I sopped working out and and wasn't really eating like I should.
I would only eat an apple or two a day, and my activity was all the moving I did between my class and work. And when I got home I would have so much to do, I was just so stressed. During that time I was really dizzy and lost some weight but most of it was muscle. I went from 123 to about 116
Now I'm in a place where I can start being healthy and exercising. I've been eating regularly for a while and trying to incorporate more activity in my job and working out on the weekend.
But now I feel so guilty whever I eat food and I don't know why. I made vegan soup and the hole time I was eating I kept thinking about how fat it was king to make me. Before every meal I just think about everything I eat and how it's going to make me fat. Drinking tea is just an awful experience because I count every single calorie of honey.
I've become really restrictive (no meat, dairy, sugar, white carbs, eggs, alcohol, etc). Every time someone offers to buy me something like a little chocolate I mentally freak out and start beating myself down. And if I do eat something not healthy (I just had a Valentine's cookie from a friend) I just feel worthless.
I really dot know what to do anymore. I don't know how to lose weight and enjoy food. I just don't know what to do anymore!
I feel guilty every time I eat?
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