Regarding being bullied in school, been feeling like I need closure for years. How to go about it?

They were my friends. Essentially I was isolated by half my friends and systematically humiliated and tormented by the other half (obviously this half it turns out weren't actually my friends).

It's the ring leader of the bullying gang, who is almost certainly a psychopath or sociopath, that I have the problem with. He had two particular wingmen too. I have tried so hard to move on, and I do very much live in the present. However I still feel that I need that closure. 13 years ago now it started.

See I was diagnosed with aspergers at 19, after leaving school. So for one thing it turns out they were actually abusing someone with aspergers because of his aspergers traits. I would like to talk to the leader in particular (ironically studied psychology at uni, was a guidance counsellor and is now a recruiter) to make him aware of that. I feel he needs to be faced with the consequences of his behaviour (side note: another guy who was targeted is now a complete recluse, and in hindsight almost certainly was undiagnosed too).

Additional consequences are that I too was a recluse for several years, so am several years behind in adjusting to adulthood. Furthermore my severe digestive health problems, fatigue, depression and anxiety begun at this time and have been such a bane of my existence since then. I am doing very well now, but still trying to overcome the health problems.

My brain just keeps going back to those three, especially that one person. I have had dreams. Sometimes I see him and confront him, or discuss with him. Sometimes the dreams are essentially flashbacks to the way they treated me. I don't want to attack him, I literally just want to contact him, ask to see him in person, and inform him of the ramifications of his behaviour. I just feel that he needs to know.

Should I? How?

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What Girls Said 1

  • I wouldn’t confront him. It sounds like he didn't understand your problem and I’m not sure an “I’m sorry” will help.

    Have you looked into EMDR therapy? It may help you long term to be able to cope with other negative people who don’t understand. The idea is to take away pain from certain actions/ comments.

    I’m sorry you were bullied by someone too unintelligent to understand you. I can assure you he will look forward to either crap jobs or a life on the brink of being a criminal.

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    • I don't know what EDMR is, I could give that a look.

      You may be right about a lot of things, not sure about the crap jobs and being a criminal though. He's doing pretty well, or is recruiter not a good job? I don't really know, I'm a creative far from mainstream I'm a writer/director. In typical fashion the bullies are thus far more successful than the victims though. They progressed to adulthood at the expected pace, had all the lifetime milestones at the expected times. As I said the other guy is a recluse, and myself I was a recluse, took extra long to progress to adulthood, still waiting on some of those milestones.

      'cause I mean, I'm a writer/director but at a very indy level working on higher industry recognition. One way I've been trying to deal with this is writing a short film where the character based on me bumps into the character based on him, and has that interaction. When I tried though, I found that I feel I need to do it in real life.

    • Well he’s not doing a very skilled job is he? It pays the bills but I bet it doesn’t challenge him.

      At the end of the day you need to do whatever is right for you. If it was me it would be too difficult and painful and I would feel very anxious over the potential result. But me and you are different people.

      Maybe you should write a pros and cons list. Even include little things like “might increase dodgy poos” :p and then rank it if you are still struggling.

What Guys Said 1

  • >They abused an Aspi for his Aspi traits
    How does that change anything? I'm curious.

    If I was you I would contact him. It's quite clear he changed. If ask him what happened that he now is a guidance counselors, before telling him that his behaviour screwed with your mind.

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    • I'm not sure I understand what you mean by how that changes anything. If you mean how is it relevant, I simply mean that it is a significant indicator of poor character in that they systematically harassed at least two people with undiagnosed autism (the recluse guy definitely is undiagnosed. He had everything even down to walking on his toes) because they decided that people should be treated that way for being slightly different, unconventional, deemed weird. They were guilty of disability discrimination. It's nothing new though most autistic people suffer discrimination at some point, usually in school. The fact that I had tics, reminiscent of tourettes albeit more mild, and they exploited that to torment and humiliate me, is disgusting. Overall my view is that they should be ashamed of the way they behaved, however in order for this to happen they need to first be informed.

      I don't think he's really changed to be honest. He is the most psychopathic individual I have ever known.

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    • In that case I believe you CAN truly understand how it is true that abusive people specifically target people with autism because of their autism without knowing they have autism. Doesn't necessarily mean you do, but you can. Like I said I do believe that only people in those marginalised groups can truly understand it.. or maybe it takes more maybe it takes being victimised in such a way I don't know. I feel like it's one of those things that someone won't understand if they have not experienced it themselves.

      I stand by my belief that this type of sub-conscious targeted abuse does occur. I believe there's a different, divergent energy that insecure, abusive people can sense. They're intimidated, confused and inexplicably angered by it, so they feel the person with that divergent energy deserves to be abused.

    • >Maybe it takes a being victimised in such a way
      That's what I'd call a lot closer than having to be victimised in such a way and being neuroatypical. If you're not talking generally and specifically applying it to me then I'll be happy to tell you I've had psychologist appointments for depression and that did not come from nowhere. Actually, the thing I'm happy about is that it's over.

      >some bullshit about energy
      Please, explain a bit further. Here's what I have to say: It's fun to make fun of others, and a neuroatypical person presents a broad surface of attack, it does not take a genius to know what follows. I'd be lying if I denied getting a rise out of being able to control others in some manner, and I'd wager the same applies to essentially everyone.

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