What disorder do you think I have?

I hear a bad voice in my head , tells me the opposite from what I’m feeling for someone. It got worse over the years. I was living with a verbal abusive mother and always the arguing. I had to cry in silence for years under my cover. Now I can cry without even making a sound. I already been abuse other sexual things happen to me as a kid and being send away. I cry I don’t deserve anything those things as a kid. I wanna be able to love someone, I’m a good person. Do i have some type of disorder?
What disorder do you think I have?
Add Opinion