I’m considering counseling but I still feel guilty and shame, I can’t have someone looking at me while I’m telling them what happened I feel too ashamed. I feel like hiding myself forever, I want to live normal and get married. If someone touches me the way he did it will cause triggers and intimacy causes my triggers. I really want to get over it. I have to confront it I’m scared if I start screaming and hyperventilating thinking I’m in that place again where I’m helpless, powerless when his hands going all over my body and I’m trying to get them off but i can’t 😞. I’m too broken to fix. Every year that goes by someone assaults me I don’t know why yes I know it’s hard to believe. I want to be with someone so all of them know that I belongs someone. I want to feel safe and I really want to heal... I attract too many bad men. Sometimes I dream of living somewhere far away in a little cabin that is hidden by trees and no one can find me and I plant flowers and fruits, draw, cook, sew and live without any fears and memory, just healing. It’s a safe imaginary place that I use to cope with my trauma, it somewhat helps even it’s just a place I made up using my imagination.