My medical history destroys my life?

So ever since I was a kid I’ve always been very disappointed and had so much rage in regards to my health. I was born with something I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. Doctors said it’s probably caused from when I was actually being delivered. Anyways, I have other things on top of this and it actually causes me pain just thinking about it. I hate it so much that most people don’t know about it (about 95% of people don’t know except my family and maybe like 1 friend). I’d like to keep it that way until my grave. Sometimes I wish that I just wasn’t born all together rather than being born with what I do have (don’t worry I’m not suicidal or anything). I have to see my primary care on top of a specialist and to even get my medication it depends on if my primary care feels like writing it (which is pure rubbish). There are so many rules and regulations and honestly I just want to be able to get my prescription when I need it/want it without a bunch of complicated nonsense. Patients should be able to have freedom over their health. Anyways, the older I get the more I hate it. I’m tired of being “different” than normal people. I want to be able to drink what I want, do what I want, and go where I want. It brings me tears and makes me feel like I’m cursed I just want to live life normally without worries and do whatever I want. My father died of malpractice and I’ve almost died of malpractice. My life has already been really hard and sometimes I wonder why the suffering continues. I yearn to one day be normal but until then I guess the suffering continues. Have any of you had similar experiences? Advice? What did you do to overcome it? Thanks!
My medical history destroys my life?
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